


Starting Over

by TWWGIRL66



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-24
Updated: 2008-08-24
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 43,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWWGIRL66/pseuds/TWWGIRL66
Summary: CJ & Tobys new life





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: While not primiarly Angst, there is a good bit of \"emotional upheaval\"...nothing drastic. Brought up to flow after TB...some changes.

Disclaimer: don't own 'em CJ et al belong to the likes of Johns Wells, NBC, Aaron Sorkin etc. I'm poor & having a little fun please don't sue. The only original characters are Becky, Nathan, Joanie, & Ben - others may appear.  


* * *

Part 1

After his remarks, the camera went dead; Jed put his head down on his desk, and cried. After a few minutes, Abbey approached, and knelt beside him whispering, “I know... I know. It’s going to be okay – Leo is in a better place, Jed. Let’s go to the Residence, but first,” she smiled slightly, “we have to say goodnight.”

As they entered the room, CJ and Toby sat, still holding each other, and crying. After a few minutes, Jed cleared his throat. “We’re going to bed. It’s been a long day; CJ, go home and rest. You have a lot of catching up. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I’m making calls from the Residence. Why don’t you take a few days, and relax… It’s been a bit of a day.” Jed smiled weakly.

“Sir, I…”

“Claudia Jean? Do I hear correctly – you’re turning down a vacation when offered? It seems you could use some time.”

“I don’t know, Sir. If I sit at home, I’ll wallow in it. Yet, if I’m here, all I’ll do is feel guilty...”

“CJ, I don’t understand how you can possibly –”

“For almost 8 years, I fought for women’s equality – whether it be not being mutilated, sexually abused – whatever. I espoused all, but when it came to me – Claudia Jean Cregg – I couldn’t for the life of me, go to the man I love and tell him.”

“Go home, Claudia. Take it easy for a few days – Cliff will cover. If World War III starts, I’ll call.”

After taking Toby aside, Jed said, “See she gets home, and call us if there’s trouble. Remember Toby, she’s like a daughter – if you make her happy, you’re family. Deal?”

“Yes, Sir. You have a deal.” Toby said as he shook Jed’s hand.

“Come on, Claude – let’s get you home, it’s been a long day.”

“Goodnight and thank you.” After giving both of them, a kiss on the cheek, CJ let Toby support her on the way to her car.

~§~*~§~*

“Here we are, give me the key... there... do you want me to stay?”

“I need time Toby. There’s so much process, I just need to be alone.” With a weak smile, she continued, “I’m going to be okay. We are going to be okay – promise. I do love you... it’s just…”

“SShh, I understand – see you later.” As he caressed her cheek, Toby gave a chaste kiss and opened the door. “Call if you need me.”

For several hours, CJ did anything she could, to calm. Nothing worked. She finally began wandering around the house, cleaning and came across the extra set of keys to Leo’s apartment at the Watergate. Since {CJ shuttered} the incident at Camp David, she had a set in case of emergency, but – thank God – never had used them.

Still wired, she grabbed the keys and went to her car. CJ knew what would make her sleep – to be surrounded by him – just once, if only figuratively.

~§~*~§~*

As CJ opened the door, she could smell him. It was a mixture of Dakar Noir, and something else.

As she walked over to his desk, CJ noticed a folder labeled “CJ Cregg Letters 1999-2007”. {He really did love me.}

There was a tape sticking out the video player labeled ‘CJ’s Greatest Hits’. CJ took a deep breath, inserted the tape and sat on the couch. Tears began to fall, as first, she watched the press conference about the President riding his bike {ok, scratch that – Leo’s} into a tree. Next, came the one after Rosslyn {that was also the night David…}, the one on Haiti {why?}, Qumar. Next was the one about the fire at the middle school {that was the year...}... there were a few others, but then she smiled – ‘The Jackal’. By the end of the tape, she was in tears again.

She then walked to Leo’s bedroom. The walls were covered with pictures from the last 8 years. On his nightstand, there was a single photo of CJ and Leo dancing at the first State Dinner. Leo was dashing in a tuxedo, while CJ wore a wonderful red dress. On the back, a sticker read “The moment, I fell in love with CJ Cregg”.

That was the final straw. CJ held the picture, moved onto his bed, and cried herself to sleep.

CJ heard a familiar voice:

“What are ya doing here?”

“Just thinking, I never had a chance tell you...”

“What?”

“I love you. I can’t do this without you.”

“Kiddo, you don’t have a choice. Mrs. Landingham’s cookies are heavenly. Go to Toby. He does love you. You need each other. Tell Josh we are all together.”

“Hold me, Leo, just this once.”

With his arms around her, she slept soundly. The ring of her cell woke CJ and while the bed was still empty, she truly felt at peace.

“CJ...”

“Claude? Where are you? I came by with breakfast, and...”

“Toby... I couldn’t sleep, found keys to Leo’s apartment.

“I’ll be right there. Don’t move – I love you.”

“Toby? Hurry!”

~§~*~§~*


	2. Starting Over

Part 2

Toby entered Leo’s suite, and started searching rooms. “Hey you, what’s going on?”

“Toby... hold me.”

Toby climbed onto the bed and put his arms around CJ’s waist. After pulling the hair back from her ear, he whispered, “How long have you been here?”

“Only since last night... just so restless. I found his keys, and went on autopilot. Then, it was overwhelming. I came in, and it was as if he was just here. I know they’ve been on the trail forever – but it doesn’t seem to matter, there’s just something...”

“I have you. Cry as long and hard as you need to, it’s gonna be okay.”

CJ turned in his arms, and said, “I slept of the first time in days.”

Toby kissed her forehead gently and she continued to speak, “I heard his voice Tobs… was able to tell him I loved him. He said I had no choice but to go on with life; we needed each other, and to go be happy.

I could feel his breath on my ear, and his arms around my waist – they felt as real as you do right now. When I woke, I felt so safe – I knew you and I were meant to be together.

It was as if he knew and didn’t care – he wants us together, he really does.” CJ took a deep breath, and pulling his face and hers whispered, “I do too – take me home, please?”

After he kissed her deeply, he said, “Where is home Claude?”

“Anywhere you are – we’ve spent enough time together but apart. Don’t you think?” CJ smiled through her tears.

With the one of his now rare smiles, Toby said, “I do. I most certainly do. Do you have any clue how much I love you?”

“Not here, Toby, it’s just too strange.” CJ said, with a half-hearted laugh.

“Oh, that reminds me. The President has been trying to reach you – no emergency just checking in. He was worried when you didn’t pick up your home phone. Call and tell them you’re okay – please.”

~§~*~§~*

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s CJ.”

“Honey, are you all right?” Abbey asked.

“I’m fine, promise – I’ll fill you in when I return.”

“Jed asked me to tell you not come back to work, until after the Holidays.”

“Abbey, I…”

“No arguments or he’ll make it an Executive Order.” Abbey grinned, “Now, there is a private plane chartered – you’ll leave at 4 p.m. and spend the week in New York City, with reservations at the Plaza. You and Toby need time.”

“Ma’am, I...”

“No fighting Claudia Jean – just take what you are given. We love you, and we’ll see you next week.”

“Yes, ma’am – thank the President for me – us.”

CJ took Toby’s hand, and squeezing it, said, “Looks like we have extra time together. Do you think we can stand each other?”

“Oh, yeah. You never answered my question, Claude – where to?”

“Well, according to Abbey, the airport.” CJ said with a broad smile. “They want us to relax.”

“What, pray tell is so relaxing about the airport?”

“How about a chartered plane to New York City – and not having to be back until after New Year’s.” CJ said with a smile, “With reservations at the Plaza.”

Toby beamed. {If we are going to New York, we aren’t staying at the Plaza.} “I have a better idea. {Home it is}.” 

“What could be better than the Plaza? Toby, what are you up to?”

“I am no taller now, then I was in 1987 – thank you very much. Now, relax. I have to make a call – wait right here.”

~§~*~§~*

When their plane landed Toby hailed a taxi. After writing the destination on a sheet of paper, he handed it to the driver and slipped him an extra $50.

“Toby, what are you doing?”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about – just get in and relax,” he said with yet another heart-flipping smile.

As he slid in beside her, Toby pulled CJ’s head down on his shoulder. While caressing her hair, he whispered, “Just relax Claude. Close your eyes, and try to get more sleep.”

“Toby... I…”

He laughed, “I’d forgotten how stubborn, you can be – you’re on vacation Claude – relax. I will wake you when we get there.”

Forty minutes later, they rolled up to the apartment. “We’re here...”

“I can’t move – too comfortable.”

With a half-hearted smile at the cabbie, Toby continued: “Claude? You have to move.”

CJ whined, “I can’t... too tired...” CJ smiled, “you used to be able to carry me.”

Toby laughed, “Miss Cregg, is that a challenge?”

The cabbie continued to chuckle the front seat. This was the best fare he’d had all day.

In a husky whisper CJ said, “It is whatever you want it to be.”

Toby took a deep breath, got out, and leaned over whispering, “Put your arm around my neck, and hold on.”

As they finally made it to the third-floor landing Toby knocked with his foot. His sister-in-law, Becky opened the door, and smiled broadly.

“Thank you” he mouthed.

Becky whispered, “The keys are by the door, call when you get settled... oh, Toby?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s about time.” Becky grinned, and left before Toby had a chance to react.

~§~*~§~*


	3. Starting Over

Part 3

The place hadn’t changed much over the last 15 years. He went in to the bedroom; found Becky had everything ready. After placing CJ on the bed, he watched as she curled into the pillow, and drifted off to sleep.

Toby hadn’t spent much time here when he came for David’s funeral. To him though, this was always ‘home’. Each room held a special memory. The living room was where renewed his ‘proposal to propose’. In his mind, he could still see her eyes run the spectrum of colors, as she digested his words. Then, there was the fire escape, where they were able to sit and watch spectacular sunsets in each other’s arms. Nothing was ever able to replace the feeling of her against him.

The dining room held a memory for so many reasons, only one of which was the passionate fight brought on by the day’s work.

The kitchen was one of the most painful. It was where she received the call from California, and where he told her to leave – without looking back. She asked Toby to come with her, but he was stubborn. {Maybe that’s where Claude gets it.}

Toby wandered to the bedroom, and watched her from the doorway. This was the room, where all fights were put aside, problems forgotten, and where they were, once again, able to find comfort in each other’s arms.

As he watched her, he noticed all worry lines had dropped from her face. She had transformed into the girl he had fallen in love with 25 years ago. It was then he had an idea.

As Toby said a silent prayer, that CJ really was as tired as she looked, he bent over, gave CJ a kiss, whispering. “I’ll be back soon.”

“M’Kay.”

When he returned, Toby slid beside CJ while gently brushing her hair, he whispered, “Come on Claude, it’s time to wake up.”

CJ roused, just long enough to throw her pillow on the floor, and bury her face in Toby’s chest. With a deep sigh, he caressed her hair, and said, “Sleeping Beauty, I need you to wake up. When I told you to sleep, I didn’t mean all day.”

“You always were more comfortable than any pillow,” she laughed softly.

“Oh, so we are awake. Do you have any idea where you are?”

“New York City. Somewhere ‘better’ than the Plaza, according to you.” She smiled, as she tried to get comfortable again.

Toby sighed, {this better work.} “Wake up Jeano,” he said as he kissed the top of her head.

“MMmm, you haven’t called me Jeano since...”

{Bingo.}

{‘I love you Jeano – turn around.’} “Oh My God! Toby… are we…?”

He smiled and said, “What do you think?”

CJ became alert within seconds, and walked slowly about the apartment inspecting everything. Nothing had changed – oh, it was a little neater – looked like no one had lived there for the last 8 years – {how did he do it? Why did he do it?}

As CJ returned to the bedroom, she said, “Toby?”

“Not now Jeano.”

“Tobias Zachary Ziegler – don’t you dare ‘not now Jeano’ me! You brought us here, kept this apartment for a reason. Tell me now... please Zack, for me.”

Toby studied his shoes. In a quiet voice, he said, “You haven’t called me Zack in 15 years...”

“Oh, and I suppose you call me Jeano everyday?” CJ smiled, “Talk to me.”

“Why did I keep it? Just couldn’t let it go, it’s all that was left of us. Every time we came through New York, I stayed here, not with David. Here, I could think, remember. Without slipping up, I could remember the good times, and the not so good times.

How did I keep it? I signed it over to Becca again. Then when David died...” Toby stifled tears. “When he died, I did need you here. Not as Claudia Jean Cregg the Chief of Staff, or even CJ Cregg, colleague. I needed you – Zack needed you, but it was too late. You were gone – my Jeano was gone.”

As she wiped her eyes, CJ said, “You told me to leave.”

“I was a fool.”

CJ stared, “I...”

“I’m not finished. When I was out, I bought you this.” Toby reached into his breast pocket, and withdrew a long silver chain, with Leo’s ring hanging on. It. “Wear it as long as you need – I will and do understand. He was wonderful man who loved you and was taken from us too soon.”

Tears streaked CJ’s face, as he continued, “Give me your hand – I believe you once said, ‘if we are going to do this, I want to do it right.’” After leading her to the kitchen, he sat CJ on a stool and said, “Fifteen years ago, we were sitting here, and the phone rang. It changed my – our lives forever. I didn’t want to stand in your way. So, I let you go – that was the biggest mistake of my life.”

“I asked you to come...”

“I thought I’d hold you back, and loved you too much to do that. I will not make the same mistake again. I do love you – more than words. So,” Toby said as he dropped his knees, “Claudia Jean Cregg, Claude, CJ, and most of all Jeano, you make me smile, when no one can, take away my words by walking in the room and most importantly fill my heart with feelings I will never be able to fully express…I’d be lost without you… marry me?” 

CJ slid off the chair, and into his arms crying. “Zack, I waited so long to hear those words from you – I’d given up. Then Leo...”

“SShh, Angel, it’s okay. I just need to know, somewhere down the line, it is possible for me to get my Jeano back.”

“It’s possible – more than possible. I just need a little more time.”

As she reached into his pocket, Toby pulled out a velvet box. “Here. I bought this, 15 years ago. I was going to ask you to marry me that night. Just wear it and make me the happiest man on Earth. I love you so.”

“I can’t wear the chain…I just can’t…”

“I will wear your ring and we will get married.” After caressing his cheek, CJ guided him into a kiss filled with promise.

~§~*~§~*


	4. Starting Over

Part 4

CJ drew away and said, “Toby, the keyword is will. Hold on to this – and do not give up. Whatever you do, I’m begging you – don’t give up on me.”

Toby looked lost, “I don’t understand. I thought things were... I mean, I thought this place would...”

“Tobias Zachary Ziegler. Listen carefully: you let me down twice. Toby lied. You lied – your first call – Press Secretary or not, we were always each other’s first call. You forgot – David died and you weren’t thinking straight. I’m willing to buy that – you still lied.

Zack sent me away. Do you really think I didn’t see this ring in your room 15 years ago? I didn’t assume there was some reason you were cooking a special meal? I’m not an idiot! All I could think of was that first New Year's Eve…finally, it was going to happen.”

After the call, Zack insisted I leave – and not look back. Months later, I read of your engagement to Andi. It broke my heart to think you could figure it out again, so quickly, and without me.

Now, you say everything I based my life on the last 15 years was a lie. I can’t just switch directions that quickly. I need time. Time to trust, both of you again. Please, give it.

I said yes. That was Jeano. Briefly, the clock turned back 15 years – and we were set for a fairytale ending. This is the real world, where there are no such things as fairytales – we grow up, and they cease to exist.

I need to believe again – we need to believe again. It’s going to take time; I need you to be patient.

“You need me to be patient. Really? I’ve been patient. When I asked you to go – told you to go in my heart of hearts, I hoped you would say you needed me. I wan—, no needed, nothing more than to hear you say you refused to go anywhere without me. That there was something to fight for – we were something to fight for...”

“You told me to leave.”

“I did that’s true – I never expected you to listen. The one thing I could count on was your selective hearing. Jeano let me down as well. Excuse me.”

He went to his desk. {There used to be one in here} as he opened the top drawer... {Bingo}. With one mighty throw against the door, Toby walked out.

As he bounced the ball, thoughts ran through his head. {David was here last time... what do I do... who can I turn}?

He rummaged in his pocket, plucked out his cell and dialed.

“Hey... yeah, thanks we are. Do you have time to talk? Great. I’m headed your way... she’s resting. You too. See you soon.”

As Toby knocked, Becky opened the door. “Hey Tobs! You owe me a hug – you had your hands full last time.” She chuckled. “I’m surprised you left.”

Toby shuffled his feet, and studied his shoes. “David always... and now...”

“Okay, Tobs, what did you do?”

“Why is it always me? Doesn’t anyone else do things wrong?”

Becky laughed, “It’s been known to happen. However, you’ve been under a lot of stress, Jeannie’s not here, and you’re carrying a pink rubber ball. In addition – the last time you called me to talk, Jeannie had returned to California. Now, spill.”

“We fought. I asked her to wear my ring instead of Leo’s and we fought. Claude said she doesn’t trust me – I let her down. She needs time.”

Becky cringed, “What did you say?”

“I’ve been doing nothing except waiting. When I told her to leave – I didn’t expect her to really do it.”

Becky’s mouth gaped. “You told Jeannie. It was her fault. Toby, after everything, you told her it was her fault? You didn’t take any responsibility – that’s not you.”

“I know – but we only have...”

“You and Jeannie have all the time in the world. Didn’t you tell me President Bartlet was going to fix it?”

“Yeah, but...”

“Don’t pressure her, Toby. She’s scared. If Jeannie asked for time – she needs it. You know better than anyone, not question her.”

His shoes became very interesting again. “Yeah, I do and I will. I just don’t want to waste...”

“Waste what?” Becky asked with a smile.

“Waste this time. I love her so much...”

“Don’t waste it – I never said to waste it. Use it Toby. Make her remember the man, with whom she fell in love. You can do it. David always said you belonged together. Don’t let him down Toby – for the last time, prove him right. I love you, now get going.”

“I can’t go back there yet. I need to walk this off. She doesn’t want to see me any time soon. Will…will you do me a favor?”

“I don’t know Tobs... what if she...?”

“She won’t... Claude needs this as much as you do... It’s what you ‘do for each other’ – remember?”

~§~*~§~*

CJ lay on the bed, fondling the chain around her neck. {Why didn’t I tell him…just spit it out…I never loved anyone the way I love…}

Surprised by the phone, CJ finally picked it up. “Toby? Is that you?”

“Jeannie? It’s me...”

“Becca! I’m sorry about David, I...”

“Thanks. Listen; do have time for coffee? I’d really love to see you – it’s been too long.”

“I don’t know. Toby went out – he was upset, and I don’t know where... I”

“He came to see me, told me what happened. I don’t want to interfere, but there are things you don’t know. Please? After I have my say, I will keep my mouth shut – promise.”

CJ laughed, “You haven’t stayed out of my life since we met – what makes you think you will start now? Before you correct me, you really think I ever believed it was Toby’s idea to get me for the campaign. It had Rebecca Ziegler, matchmaker – written all over it.”

Becky laughed, “Please, Jeannie – I really want to see you – need to... we all missed you when Toby came up – do it for David…please.”

CJ wiped her eyes, “Okay Becca – where?”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“Hang on, Toby must have forgotten his key.”

“Welcome Home.” she laughed.

“Becca...” CJ opened her arms, “you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

“You stopped all contact...”

CJ looked at the ground. “I didn’t think it was best to...”

“What? Claudia Jean... look at me.”

CJ looked at her shoes, “I felt – I mean, after everything. I just didn’t think you –”

Becky laughed, “You get that from him. Just think – you’re Press Secretary for 6 years, and Chief of Staff for 2; always able to speak eloquently on any subject thrown at you from Foreign Policy to the Budget Deficit to Gun Control. However, at the mention of Toby Ziegler’s name – you get tongue-tied. Now look at me.”

CJ blushed.

“Talk to me – not Rebecca, Becca. We’ve been friends forever. We used to tell each other everything. Remember?” She laughed. “You stood up for me when I married David, and I ‘introduced’ you to Toby. You still love him. On some level – of that I’m certain. I’m sorry, I told Toby not to push and now I’m pushing.” 

“This would be strange because...” CJ laughed, “you always push – tell people not to – but you reserve the right. For some reason, you and only you can get away with it.” CJ cocked her head, “Did Toby tell you what happened. I mean everything that happened.”

“He told me Leo died. I’m so sorry Jeannie – I know that must have been quite a blow.”

“You know, after he married Andrea Wyatt, I gave up on all hope of ever having Toby Ziegler in my life again.

When Toby came to recruit me for the campaign? He said, Leo ‘wanted me.’ I’d seen Leo at fundraisers; we even talked a few times. The thought he spent so much time following my career...”

I had the biggest crush – but, he was my boss. Once he was out of the hospital, we started to become closer – still platonic, but...”

As CJ began to tremble, Becky held her close. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“When I talked to him, the night of the Convention, he was so happy. Said we needed to talk.

Every time they’ve been through DC, I’ve been somewhere – usually in the Sit Room or somewhere else where it was Do Not Disturb. They were supposed to be back in DC in a couple of weeks... we were going to talk then – Becca!”

After catching her breath, “It wasn’t until Leo died that I realized…”

“Jeannie? Talk.”

“Toby came to my apartment to tell me. It wasn’t until he took me in his arms that I realized there could be no one else. Toby has had my heart since the day we met.”

CJ continued, “It was as if Leo knew something was going to happen. After he died, the President produced a videotape of Leo, saying how much he loved me and if he were there, he would be proposing. ‘Down on my hands and knees begging you to be my wife’ was the exact quote.”

CJ took another deep breath, and said, “He also left Toby a letter and a ring. Leo said if he didn’t come back, he wanted Toby to propose to me – and he’d always known how much Toby loved me.”

“I suppose the $64,000 question is: do you know how much Toby loves you?”

“Becca, that’s not fair – you know I…”

“All I know is Toby has always repeat always loved you. As much as he loved you... Zack adored you.”

“Becca, don’t do this to me – not now.”

“You need to hear this. We always took turns and you had yours.

When you first met Toby at our rehearsal dinner, even David saw the sparks. He commented the next night, as Tobs whisked you away, that he had never seen anyone have such chemistry with Toby.

While you were in California, Toby was a basket case. He functioned, but barely – I suppose, truth be known – I wasn’t much better.” She smiled, “At least I knew you were coming back.

After your arrival, Toby became happy for the first time. We were so relieved; you 2 finally saw the light. At last, both of you were truly happy. After a few years, came the call.”

“Becca, please don’t...”

“I need you to listen – there are some things that need to be reiterated – and others you need to find out.

He was going to propose – we’d gone that day, to pick up the ring. He was so nervous. After the call, when you didn’t fight? He forfeited. Let you physically go – but never in his heart.

The fundraisers where you met Mr. McGarry? Toby was there – watching you, loving you, and helping you succeed.”

CJ gaped.

“You are as much of packrat as Toby. If you go back through your contributor records for your tenure with EMiLY’s List, I will wager all the money in my pockets, against all the money in your pockets, somewhere on each list is the name Zachary Smith.”

“I don’t understand. I met Zachary Smith, several times.”

“You met a Zachary Smith – not the Zachary Smith. I’m telling you, Jeannie – I can recite, what campaign he gave to, how much, and how he decided to pay for it. That man was so far gone for you. It wasn’t even funny.

David finally encouraged him to move on; his first blind date was Andi Wyatt. She was interested in politics, and a redhead – in the end – she wasn’t you. He settled. Our Toby, your Zack – the man who never settled – gave up when you didn’t return his letters.”

“I never meant to hurt him – not really. It was just –”

“He isn’t the only one with feelings, you know,” Becky took a deep breath. “When you left Toby, you left me – just wrote off over 20 years of friendship – not even a Christmas Card… I…” Becky stifled tears.

CJ stared at her hands, “After the way I left, I didn’t think anyone wanted anything to do with me...”

“I’m not ‘anyone’ – this is me – remember me? When you left Toby – You left me too...”

“Becca – I…”

Becky held up her hand. “Let me finish first. In 1997, McGarry hired Toby for ‘Bartlet for America’. He was the only one of the staff, that wasn’t fired – because he insisted Bartlet run an honest race.

McGarry was looking for fresh faces – people who would energize the campaign, and knew what they were doing. You were the first name that flew out of Toby’s mouth. He could not stop singing your praises.” Becky laughed and continued, “It’s true I pushed him on the plane... I don’t think I’ve ever seen Toby more nervous...

Toby told you McGarry wanted you – the truth was that Toby’s job depended on whether or not you succeeded.

When you took over for Mr. McGarry, Toby was so proud. He probably didn’t act it – but Toby was so very proud. He called us and said, ‘Jeano became Chief of Staff.’ David was proud, we were proud. I was hoping Toby would bring you home for Memorial Day – and then... I prayed you’d come – Toby said you were too busy...”

“He wouldn’t let me come – I offered, I really did.”

“Even if Toby was too proud to admit he needed you... I needed you – when you didn’t come I...”

Tears streamed down CJ’s cheeks, “Come here, Sweetheart....”

CJ enveloped Becky in a hug as they openly cried. 

As CJ dried her tears, she whispered, “He really called me Jeano. When I became Chief of Staff?”

“You are still his Jeano.”

“The big question is: am I still your Zack?” Toby questioned from the hallway.

~§~*~§~*


	5. Starting Over

Part 5

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Wow, sparkling conversation.” Becky laughed, “It’s hard to believe you two work in politics.”

“I don’t anymore.” Toby said quietly.

Becky sighed, “If you’ll excuse me, I want to get home before the kids do.” After giving CJ a kiss, she whispered, “I know the answer – put him out of his misery.”

As she smoothed the tears off Becky’s face. CJ said, “Thanks for not interfering. I still owe you a coffee – I’ll call soon.”

As Becky went to the door, she stopped and said, “Hang in there. I love you both.”

After the door closed, CJ and Toby went back to the staring match. Toby crossed the living room and sat beside her. “You never answered my question.”

“I see him peering out from time to time – always have I suppose. I did find Jeano –”

Toby smiled, “Oh yeah? How is she?”

“Nervous and scared. She’s still scared Zack. We’ve been thinking though and...”

“Claude?” He asked quietly.

“Both of us need both of you – very much. CJ needs Toby for the next four weeks, and...”

“What?” He asked, pushing her hair out of CJ’s face, and tilting her chin up so he could look in her eyes.

“Jeano is going to need Zack for the rest of her life. I/we cannot go back to Washington, if you are not there at the end. I mean it – I’ll not make this same mistake again. One simple sentence – and we would not be sitting here right now. We could have been happy all this time.

I had a crush on Leo – I won’t pretend differently. However – he would never be you. I love you first, last, and always. It’s just... I thought with Andi...”

Toby pulled his wedding ring off and put it on the table. “Andi and I are over Claude – have been for a long time – I just never thought... I mean, she’s special – the mother of my children. I don’t love her, the way I love you.”

CJ took a deep breath, “The other night I found something. It needs someone with a very gentle touch. Do you think you could help?”

Toby nodded.

CJ took the chain from her pocket, and opened the clasp. “The other night, I found this… could never throw it away. No matter how much Leo loved me, he could never replace you. Now, however, it is I who needs the time. Please, Tobs – understand. My answer the other night will not change – I swear it. I need time to readjust to the fact that ‘you and I’ are us. I’ve missed us – so much.” 

He carefully placed the chain around her neck, and after fastening the clasp Toby cradled CJ’s face in his hands. He whispered, “Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?”

CJ smiled, “Not since you walked in.”

“Always and forever, Angel, always and forever.”

~§~*~§~*

While Toby was in Temple, CJ called Becky.

“Hello?”

“Becca, it’s me. I need a special Hanukkah present for Tobs. Do you want to help? We can grab a cup of coffee.”

“Jeannie? What are you planning? I know that tone – and there’s always a plan.”

CJ laughed, “The only way you’re going to find out, is to come with – are you in?”

“Okay, let me get this straight, we are talking for the first time in 15 years, and you think I’m turning down a chance to spend the afternoon with you? What do you I think I am crazy? Don’t answer.”

“You’re right, that’s just too easy.” CJ laughed, by virtue of ever knowing me at all – you have to be a little off the beam. Bring pictures of the kids; they must be getting so big.”

“See you soon, Jeannie.”

~§~*~§~*

“Hey you – long time no see.” CJ said, as she bent to give her friend a hug.

“Yeah, all of 24 hours – maybe less. So, how’d it go after I left?”

CJ remained quiet. Suddenly, she broke the silence with “Did you bring pictures?”

Becky grinned, “Well, you couldn’t have bombed – because then you wouldn’t be looking for Hanukkah presents... just what did you say?”

“Pictures and coffee first – details later.” CJ grinned. “Did you order?”

“I did. Two Café Mocha’s – Venté. I thought we might as well get Caffeine Express rolling.” As CJ took the pictures, Becky said, “Nathan is almost 18, and wants to be an astronaut...”

CJ reached across the table, “It’s going to be okay... it will take time – but I promise it will be okay. He is a handsome boy.”

“This is my daughter, she’s eight.”

“She’s absolutely adorable – where does she get the red hair?”

“David and Toby’s grandfather was a redhead,” Becky smiled.

“Catherine right?”

“We named her after both her grandmothers. Catherine Joan – we call her CJ...”

“You... really?”

“I had to have some reminder of you...” Becky whispered.

“Is she as much trouble as we were?” CJ laughed.

Becky grinned, “Worse than both of us together on bad days.” She continued, “Believe it or not, she loves CNN. Her favorite game was ‘Press Secretary.’ She would line up her animals, and take questions from the various species. Now she likes ‘Chief of Staff’. As her smile widened, Becky continued, “Nathan – not so much…seems he is her assistant.”

CJ laughed, “Ah…she knows about me? Toby... he said you had a daughter; her name was Catherine – never the rest.”

“This surprises you for what reason exactly?” Becky smiled. “So, we’ve had coffee, seen pictures – now it is time to fill me in on today’s adventure. With you, there is always an adventure.”

CJ grinned. “First, you must realize when Toby proposed, he also gave me a silver chain with Leo’s ring on it. Said it was too soon, I should wear it as long as I wanted to, and he wouldn’t care.”

“Wow.”

“I told him I couldn’t.”

Becky gaped.

“The other night, I found the necklace -- the one he gave me that first New Year’s Eve. After you left, I told him I needed time. Until I was ready, I wanted to wear it.”

CJ blushed, “Last night, Toby and I rediscovered ‘the positive virtues of holding’. As crazy as it sounds – I’m ready. Part of me has been ready ever since he first took been his arms again.”

“Oh, my God... you are serious! You mean to tell me after 15 years, you are ready to become Mrs. Tobias Zachary Ziegler.”

“Not tomorrow. Am I ready to tell the world about Toby? Yes. We’ve waited long enough. I think all I really needed was the reassurance that he was willing to wait for me as long as I've secretly waited for him.”

~§~*~§~*

“Excuse me, sir. How long will it take to have this ring sized?”

The jeweler came over, and studied for a minute. “I’m behind because of the Holidays. I’d say about a week.”

“I really wanted it for a special Hanukkah present. Is there a chance you could make an exception? My name is Claudia Jean Cregg and I’m –”

“The White House Chief of Staff – of course... Ms. Cregg, we can do this for you in a couple of days.”

“Thank you, if you keep the press out of it –until after the Holidays, you will have my undying gratitude and patronage. I wear a lot of jewelry.” CJ smiled.

“Impressive…” Becky grinned.

~§~*~§~*

The next morning, the phone rang.

“Jeannie? It’s me.”

“Hey you – what’s going on?”

“Well, I thought I’d invite you and Toby to dinner tomorrow night. Nathan has been looking forward to seeing you, and of course, you’ll have a chance to meet CJ.”

“I was going to plan a quiet –”

“I know exactly what you’re planning – you can’t fool me. However, we do have a small romantic patio. The kids and I will clear out and...”

“You just want to see his face afterwards – admit it.” CJ laughed.

“Caught – but it will be fun. What’s more romantic, a patio or the apartment?”

“I remember being extremely romantic in this apartment thank you!”

“Hot and bothered – maybe…” Becky laughed. I’m talking romantic.”

“Good point – I’m sold – I love you.”

Becky choked, “I love you too. See you tomorrow.”

~§~*~§~*

CJ and Toby arrived around six and CJ was immediately drafted into her smaller version’s game of ‘Chief of Staff.’ Apparently, she was the target of an eight-year-old smack down. {She’s almost as good as Leo was.}

After CJ was ‘disciplined’, she returned to her office and talked with Nathan, who apparently, tonight, was her assistant.

“You’ve grown – do you remember me at all?”

“Yeah…. you disappeared.” Nathan studied his shoes.

CJ laughed, “You get that from your uncle.” With a deep breath she continued, “I didn’t mean to disappear. It just happened. Do you think we could start again? Please?”

Nathan brightened, “Yeah, that would be cool...”

“Dinner!”

After the traditional blessing, and the lighting of the candles, everyone relaxed and enjoyed the meal.

About an hour later, Becky said, “CJ dear, would you clear the table?” CJ jumped up and immediately started clearing dishes. Becky grabbed her arm – “not you, dingbat! My daughter. Don’t you have something else to do?” Becky said out of the side of her mouth.

CJ grinned, and nodded almost imperceptibly.

“Toby? Why don’t you and Jeannie go on the patio?” Becky smiled sweetly. “We’ll call when it’s time for dessert.”

“It’s gorgeous out here! I’d almost forgotten.”

“Yes, remember how David loved the view? He said you could pretend you were in space – and make yourself fly to the moon and back.”

While he’d been talking, CJ slipped on the ring Toby had given her and gone down on one knee. “I know how you hate your birthday, but I have something for you.”

As he was staring at the stars, he said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s Hanukkah too and I wanted…needed to do something special. Tobias Zachary Ziegler, look at me.”

He looked at what should have been her face, and then down. His mouth gaped. “Claude? I...” 

“I need you to listen. You’ve had my heart and soul since the day we met. I have loved you, for so long... I was lost without you – didn’t know how to get back. If you will still have me, I’m yours.”

Toby sank to his knees and took her face in his hands. After wiping her tear tracks dry, he kissed both eyes, and said, “Claudia Jean Cregg – I’ve waited so long, and love you beyond words. Do you really need my answer?”

CJ shook her head. “However, right now, Jeano needs Zack to hold her. Don’t let me go – please.”

As Toby opened his arms, he said, “I’m right here. Come to me, Angel – I love you too.” After enveloping her in a hug, he rocked CJ again as she cried. Although, this time, they were tears of joy, and not sorrow.

Then, Becky appeared in the doorway – and seeing the sight before her, decided dessert could wait – if not canceled. With a smile, she turned and went into the house.

~§~*~§~*


	6. Starting Over

Part 6

After rounding the kids up, Becky said, “Who wants dessert?”

“What about Aunt CJ and Uncle Toby, Mom?” Nathan asked.

“They are kinda busy,” Becky smiled. “Now, go upstairs and pack whatever you’ll need to spend the night at the apartment.”

“Really?”

“Think of it as an adventure – we haven’t had one of those in a long time.”

While waiting for the kids, Becky scrawled a quick note. {Read carefully, Jeannie.}

“We’re ready.”

“Let’s go – what do you want?”

~§~*~§~*

About 20 minutes later, CJ and Toby emerged from the patio. The house was illuminated with soft lights, and there was a note CJ’s name.

Toby said, “Uh, Jeano? There’s a note for you.” It read:

Dearest Jeannie,

You and Toby were occupied... we went out for dessert... will stay at the apartment. The bed has been made with fresh satin sheets. Enjoy the peace and quiet – see you tomorrow. Welcome home – I love you more than words can say.

All my love,  
Becca

As Toby returned from the kitchen, with a bottle of champagne, and two flutes, he found CJ weeping openly over the note. He put everything down quickly, and knelt in front of CJ, “Angel, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“It’s just... I... I have the two people who mean the most to me, back in my life – only I never thought it was possible to... did I ever tell you how Becca and I met – or how long we’ve known each other?”

Toby nodded his head. “Yes, but that, was too long ago to admit remembering…& you know how I love to hear you talk…”

“Becca and I met when we were six, in Mrs. Johnston’s first-grade class. It was as if we were joined at the hip.

She only lived a couple of blocks away. If I wasn’t at home, I was at her house – if neither one of us, could be found – we were getting into trouble somewhere.” CJ laughed, “When Mama died…after my brothers…Her mother treated me as if I were one of her children. Every night, before I went to bed, her mother came in kissed me on the head, and said, ‘I love you more than words can say’.”

Toby nodded, and held CJ as she cried.

CJ continued, “We went through high school, and onto college where we roomed together for four years.

When she and David met, I asked if he had a brother. Then when I saw you at the rehearsal dinner, I had the wind knocked out of me. I vowed silently, if you’d have me in any way, shape or form – I’d be forever grateful.” She caressed his beard. “Then the call... and…”

By this time, Toby had taken her in his arms, and while stroking her hair, whispered her how much he loved her – and it was all going to be okay. 

“Toby? Don’t you get it – it wasn’t okay. When I left you, I left my sister – my sister, Tobs! I didn’t have enough confidence to trust... she still loves me... more than words...” CJ wept.

“SShh,” giving her a kiss, he whispered, “go upstairs – I love you too... rest for a while – I’ll be up soon.”

~§~*~§~*

“Hello?”

“Becca, it’s me. Will Nathan watch CJ for a while?”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Jeano. I’ve done all I can do. She needs her sister.”

“Where you going to be?”

“I’ll be here – I’m never letting that gorgeous creature go again, but right now she needs you.”

“I’m on my way – sorry Tobs.”

“Sorry for what? If you think I’m giving her to you all night – you’re crazy.” He chuckled, “Now, get over here.”

~§~*~§~*

Ten minutes later, Becky arrived. “Where is she?”

“Upstairs – I’ll be out on the patio.”

Becky gave him a hug and said, “Congratulations. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

“Thanks, Becca... I just wish David was here...”

“He is Toby – trust me, he is... now, the quicker I get out of here, the quicker you can get on with whatever it was you’re going to do,” she smiled, and giving a kiss, went upstairs.

~§~*~§~*

Becky found CJ curled in the center of the bed, shaking. Becky went to face her, climbed on the bed and while caressing CJ’s arms, said, “Jeannie? Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Becca? Where’s Toby?”

“He’s downstairs, pacing the patio – he’s worried about you. What happened?”

“I... I realized I’d apologized backwards, forwards, and inside out to Toby – but never to you. I didn’t trust when I left for California. I didn’t trust we could survive my leaving your brother-in-law. We were sisters – okay, we weren’t – but we could have been. After Mama died... your family they – I don’t know how I can truly say what they did for me – what you did for me.”

“It’s okay Jeannie –”

“It’s not okay – I let you down. Even after Toby and I were working together – and had reestablished our friendship – I stayed away. 

When David was stuck on Columbia – I didn’t call. The funeral… I... I wanted to come, would have come – with or without Toby’s permission, but I didn’t think I’d be welcome. Thought I’d waited too long... I couldn’t even bring myself to say your name... too afraid I’d shatter...

As I read your note, it hit me – despite everything, you still love me ‘more than words can say.’ I realized what a fool I’d been. I know I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it, but it’s true. I never stopped loving you – never, you are as much a part of my heart as Toby and …”

“Okay, now listen carefully. I have always loved you. I won’t lie – I was hurt. You shouldn’t accept full responsibility. I could have, and should have contacted you after Rosslyn – but I didn’t. I was scared – too scared. Toby told me you were okay – even tried to get me to call, but I couldn’t – I was terrified – not only of how you’d react, but also of the fact I almost lost you forever.

I couldn’t stand losing you after I just found you again. I never stopped loving you – never. You were always in my heart. Look at me, Jeannie... yes, I’d hoped Toby would bring you to celebrate your promotion – if it was he, and not I asking, it would be easier. When David died, for the first time, in a long time – I truly needed you. However, I was expecting you to read my mind and that wasn’t fair. I should have called, emailed, something... I’m sorry. I know I implied you’re the only one at fault yesterday, and that was a mistake. I am so very sorry. I have always loved you, and always will. I’m ecstatic you and Toby have reconciled, and that it brought us back together...” with tears running down her cheeks, she caressed CJ’s face and said, “I’m never letting you go again – if you run, I will hunt you down. I love you so very, very much – more than words. Are we okay?” Becky laughed, “I’m sure. Tobs is climbing the walls down there.”

CJ smiled, “We’re okay – I love you too. Yeah, you’d better send Toby up before he does serious damage to the patio – oh, Becca? Thank you for tonight.”

“You are most certainly welcome, Sis” Becky grinned. “I am out of here.”

As she descended the stairs, Toby looked up, “Is Claude okay?”

“We both are, for the first time in a long time. She’s all yours – goodnight.”

~§~*~§~*

“Hey, you.”

CJ sat up, and reaching for Toby said, “Hey, handsome.”

“What’s cooking?” He asked when he sat on the bed to smooth hair off her face.

“I wish we could – it just doesn’t feel right here. I want it to be somewhere special. Would you just hold me, and talk?”

“Your wish is my command.” Toby said, as he joined her on the bed. As he put his arms around her waist, Toby whispered. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

As CJ sank into his embrace, she whispered, “I think you’ve demonstrated pretty well – but I’m always willing to listen – you know, they say I’m a very good listener.”

“Yeah, but I’ve heard you’re great in other areas...” Toby laughed.

CJ slapped him playfully, “Toby!” She groaned.

~§~*~§~*


	7. Starting Over

Part 7

“Well, I did – from a very reliable source,” he said in mock defense. “Also, from past experience, but that was a long time ago. You, my dear Claudia Jean, like fine wine, only improve with age” Toby whispered into her hair.

“Oh, Toby... don’t do this to me.” She laughed, “Not here – I want it to be special – not in my best friend’s bed.”

“Anywhere, I am with you, is special. My office was special, I looked up, and there you were, across the hall – my heart actually skipped a beat. Once you became Chief of Staff, I used to call, pretending I was too lazy to move, and put you on speaker – just so, I could hear you breathe.

When you came by the office, before the reelection – singing, ‘I’m Too Sexy’ – it was all I could do to keep my hands off you. It was ‘being too sexy for my shirt’ and ‘the other things’ that made it necessary to go hide in my office.”

“Toby, I never” CJ sighed. “I just want…”

Toby whispered, “For it to be special – I know. Let me remind you,” Toby said, as he kissed her. “This is only our first time as an engaged couple. As he wound piece of her hair around his finger, Toby whispered, “I was thinking, if this bed makes you uncomfortable, we could...”

“What are you up to now? CJ laughed.

“Do you trust me?”

“Always and forever.” CJ smiled softly.

Toby took her hands in his and said, “Close your eyes, give me your hand, and follow me.” When they reached the staircase, he whispered, “Put your arms around my neck – and hold on.” As they reached the landing, he opened the door. “Now, just listen. David used this room to think – before he got sick. He said it was the ‘closest I can get to the out doors, without going out.’” Toby chuckled.

“I don’t understand...”

“When I was on the patio earlier, all I could think about was that extraordinary night in the planetarium – this is the closest I could find.”

“Toby?”

“Open your eyes, Angel.” Before her was a sparsely decorated room. To be specific, a double bed, neatly made and the ceiling was wall-to-wall glass, with a breathtaking view of the stars.

CJ was speechless. Finally, she said, “I... oh my God... it’s beautiful – are you sure...”

As Toby escorted her over to the bed, he said, “All I am sure of tonight, all I’ve been sure of any night in the last 15 years – is I wanted you in my arms...” after looking at the shocked expression on her face, Toby continued, “I wasn’t kidding you the other day. It was over with Andi, on our wedding night, when I screamed your name, instead of hers.”

“Molly and Huck – I don’t understand.”

“We stayed married as long as we did, because we never saw each other. With all the campaigns and ‘Bartlet for America’, it was easy.

Molly and Huck are my children, but I was literally nothing more than a sperm donor – artificial insemination. I will always love them – they are part of me. I kept the ring, so they wouldn’t be a scandal.

I love you. Want you. I have always needed you in my life. I know you don’t feel right here, but I just need to hold you again under the stars.”

“I said downstairs, I wanted this to be special, I wanted to wait, but it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind,” she smiled as she caressed his beard. “I want and need you so much. Make love to me – please?”

“Claudia Jean, I love you.”

“I know. I want Zack... is he still around?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Except Toby proposed to Claudia Jean and CJ because Leo asked him, Zack proposed to Claude and Jeano, because he couldn’t live without her. Jeano wants Zack.”

“Jeano, I’m right here, Baby…always have been and always will be.” As he gathered her into his arms, Toby continued, “I was given courage to propose. With time, I would have done it on my own – in January. Then there was the trial, and when I saw the look on your face –” he continued, very quietly, “I didn’t think I stood a chance.”

“You always stood a chance... but never tried.” She whispered, “I need you Toby. I really do.”

“Come to me Angel –” CJ moved over into Toby’s arms and curled into his embrace. “Now, you want Zack, but need me. Am I going to do? Or do I have to go Sybil-esque tonight?”

“I guess you will have to do. She laughed, “I’ll be right back. I have to change.”

“You’re going shy on me? After 20 years – you’re going shy?” Toby leapt, and gently took her wrist. Quietly, he said, “Claude? We have waited years for this.” His voice dropped to register, “Please don’t let either of us miss any more.”

CJ relaxed, and let Toby, lead her to bed. “Pray tell, just what did you have in mind, Mr. Ziegler?” 

Toby stood, and after cupping her face, and staring into her eyes for several minutes, said: “I never actually thought we would make it back to this point. I have loved you for so long, and after Rosslyn and your stalker wanted nothing more than to hold you just like this.” After leaning into her ear, he whispered, “Claude? Are you still too sexy for your shirt?” As he began to unbutton her blouse, CJ covered his hand with hers, and laughed.

In a husky whisper, she said, “For other things as well...help me with my skirt Toby” CJ guided his hands to the hook and resumed unbuttoning her blouse. She watched, with a broadening smile, as his eyes bulged at the sight of her surprise.

Her outfit fell to the floor, to reveal the emerald green ankle length dress from so many years ago.

Toby was unable to finish a coherent sentence. “I... you’re... and I, only in my dreams are you ever...”

“Take it easy,” CJ laughed. In a softer voice she said, “I found it in the closet…”

Toby smiled, “I could never throw it out...” As he lost himself in the sight of her attire, the former Communications Director of the White House lost all power of speech.

“You still with me there?” CJ laughed.

“Oh my God – you’re still beyond words. Gorgeous is the best I can come up with – but it still doesn’t cover it.” As he leaned in to kiss her, she pushed him back.

“Now, you are considerably overdressed. Do you need help with that, Mr. Ziegler? You look rather excited.” Very slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt, but gave up the fight quickly. “Toby, you’re too sexy – hurry.”

After disposing of his clothes rapidly, Toby climbed on the bed, where he made love to CJ, the way he did that incredible night in the planetarium – slowly, and deliberately. After kissing her breathless, he worked his way to the area between her breasts. There, he nestled and kissed every inch.

{Her leg, oh God – it went on forever} he kissed every area of exposed flesh. It stopped there. Toby climbed to CJ’s ear, and breathed, “Claude – we have nothing to prove. Tell me, sweetheart. What will it be – ‘because’ or ‘with’?”

“Oh, Toby – with. Please come with me.”

Toby smiled, “Your wish is my command.” {When they came, it would be together, and as one being.}

Toby returned CJ to her side, kissed her soundly and said, “I love you – I can’t find the right words to tell you just how much – I just needed you to know.”

“If it’s half as much as I have always loved you – we are set to go. As CJ kissed him deeply, she went off on her own adventure, stopping when she found the scar, just above his right hip. As she outlined it with her tongue, he screamed her name. With a smile, she stopped, kissed it lightly, and returned to his side. “Yeah – we’re set” she giggled. “Happy Birthday, Zack.”

As they hugged each other, Toby looked up at the stars. “Oh my...!”

“What’s wrong Toby?”

“Nothing – absolutely nothing. Before David died, he said if I ever needed him, ever wanted to see him – to look in the stars and he’d give me a sign. See? Right there, it’s the Pleiades – it was Astro’s favorite constellation. It’s his way of making his presence known. Look how bright the stars are, Jeano... he’s smiling.

Becky told me, he was here – he was happy for us... it’s true.”

~§~*~§~*


	8. Starting Over

Part 8

CJ slowly opened her eyes, as Toby caressed her hair. “Good Morning – how long have you been up?”

“Was I supposed to sleep?” He chuckled. “My favorite pastime has always been to watch you sleep... so, name me one reason why I should close my eyes – when for the first time in 15 years, I have you in my arms – and not going anywhere.”

CJ sighed. “We’ll have to return to Washington before we know it. This time has gone too quickly.”

“You know, I’ve been thinking, and the chances a fair sentencing, are next to nothing.”

“Tobias Zachary Ziegler? Do I understand you correctly? Are you not going to show up for your own sentencing?”

“You know me better than that. I could and would never do that, I was thinking more of a change of venue – I just don’t want to go back.”

“The President said he would fix it...”

“I believe that – I just got my family back. I can’t leave Becca again.”

“What about me? What am I supposed to do for three weeks? I hate...”

“I’ll call you – we’ll get two of those videophones. Three weeks is no time.”

“For you. I’ve been thinking too. It’s bound to get out, we are engaged.” After caressing his face, she continued, “You know my feelings, but it’s not going to look good for the Administration or the Party. If you’re going to do this – if we are going to do this, I need to resign, and it needs to happen as quickly as possible.”

“Claude, you don’t need to – they can spin so…”

“Tobias – I don’t want them to have to spin it. Listen carefully. Fifteen years ago, I left you – all of you, for a bigger gig. I cannot and will not do that again. I am not leaving New York, even for three weeks without you.” 

“Can you leave for three days? You really need to talk to the President.”

As CJ squeezed his hand tightly, and kissed him on the cheek, she said: “I’ll call Debbie right now.”

~§~*~§~*

“White House. Office of the President, Debbie Fiderer speaking, how may I help you?”

“Debbie? It’s CJ. Is the President in town?”

“CJ, no, I’m afraid he’s in Manchester for the holidays – do you need him?”

“I must speak with the President and Abbey as soon as possible – will you arrange that, please? I really need it to be before New Year’s.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Personally absolutely nothing – professionally, a possible, tsunami.” After looking Toby in the eye, she continued, “Toby will be with me, we need to talk to them.” 

“Got it – I will talk to the President, clear it with Ron and call you back. Happy New Year, CJ.”

“Happy New Year, Debbie, and thanks.”

“What do you mean, we have to talk to them?”

“I’m not leaving you – I’m serious... we will go to Manchester, to talk with Abbey and Jed. Then fly down to DC, clear out my desk as quickly as possible, say our goodbyes – and we are back before New Year’s Eve.”

~§~*~§~*

“CJ Cregg – hey, Debbie. Okay – yeah, that’s perfect. Thank you so much. Goodbye.” 

“They’re expecting us tonight for dinner – but the earlier we get there the better. We should get a move on... it’s Chili Night.” CJ smiled.

Toby groaned. 

Just as she finished buttoning her blouse, CJ heard, “Aunt CJ, Uncle Toby, where are you?” CJ could hear her clone run in the master bedroom, and back out, “Mom! They’re not here – the bed hasn’t been slept in.”

CJ looked at Toby with a wide grin, and said, “Busted!” After laughing, she continued, “You finish getting ready – I’ll fill in Becca. I love you.”

“More than words can say.”

CJ walked into the kitchen, “What’s all the commotion?”

“Aunt CJ, you’re here – your apartment is so cool – we had fun last night – did you have fun last night?”

“Hey, you” CJ said as she stooped and pulled the little girl into her arms. “So, you had a good time. Your uncle and I missed you last night.”

“Yeah, right – here’s when I wish I had a Bible,” Becky snickered. “Joanie, why don’t you change while Aunt CJ and I talk?”

“So, tell me Jeannie,” Becky said with a grin. “You look happy, well rested, and have a certain look about you, I can’t quite place – if you weren’t in the master bedroom... and the bed wasn’t slept in, just where were you, young lady?”

“Good Morning Becca! How are you – so good to see you. Thank you for last night – you’re the best.” Toby said as he entered the room, and kissed Becky on the cheek. He moved quickly to CJ, saying, “Hey you.” After kissing her softly on lips, “Come on, the longer we have on the road, the more time we have for detours.” he smiled wickedly.

Becky laughed, “Who was that and what did you do with my brother-in-law?”

“Well, see it’s like this...” CJ looked over her shoulder.

“Don’t worry. It takes Joanie forever to get ready, and then Nathan will drive her to a friend’s house, on his way to the Teen Center. Now give.”

“I just couldn’t deal with your bedroom – I appreciate the offer, don’t get me wrong – but it was just too strange... I needed someplace...”

“Special.” Becky supplied. 

CJ blushed, “Yeah, and well – Toby took me to David’s room – with the skylight... said he was thinking about the night in the planetarium, and this was the closest we could get.”

“Oh... my... God! I didn’t think Toby would ever be able to set foot in that room again. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

CJ’s voice softened, “I didn’t see much of the room – but what I experienced, was absolutely spectacular. This is plan. We discussed it this morning. Toby wants a change of venue to New York. I don’t want to leave him. For that reason, we leave for Manchester today, the earlier the better according to Toby.” CJ said, with a grin, “Talk to the President and Abbey over dinner, cringe as he fights my resignation, and when he finally gives in – because he knows that’s what Leo would tell him was right – we fly to DC. I clear out my office, say some quick goodbyes – not that there are many left to say goodbye to – pack up the necessary things, and return in time for New Year’s Eve.”

Becky smiled, “Do you mean to tell me – I’m honest-to-goodness stuck with you – for the rest of my life? Just don’t know... think we can stand each other?” Becky grinned inanely.

“It’ll be rough – I’ll grant you. However, for Toby – I’d do anything, live anywhere, and put up with anyone – if I must. I love him, Becca – I really do. I can’t believe I’m saying this after 15 years, but I’m holding tight to that lovable curmudgeon and never letting go. Oh, can I backtrack for a minute? You really have to hear this – it was just too amazing.”

“Oh, God! Can you leave the intimate details out? It’s just too – I’m not sure I can yet...” Becky cried. “I still miss him so much – David loved that room.”

“SShh, it’s okay... it’s okay. Cry honey, just cry. I’m right here, and except for this three-day trip – it’ll take a bulldozer to get me away from you again.”

When Becky calmed CJ continued, “That’s not it…it was about David. You told Toby last night; he was here and happy for us. Didn’t you?”

Becky sniffled, “Yes, David and Toby always believed in the afterlife – I was never quite able to believe. Wanted it to be true, but it always seemed like something that just happened in books and on TV... I wish I could see David.”

“Last night after... everything. We were holding each other, and looking at the stars. Toby froze. We saw the Pleiades. Toby assured me, it was Astro’s way of making his presence known. ‘Look how bright the stars are Jeano... he’s smiling’.”

“Oh my God... he was really here. I never thought – he was here. Jeannie, I missed my husband, I miss my husband. I want to see him...” Becky began to cry again.

“SShh, it’s okay, everything is going to be okay.” She looked up and saw Toby enter the doorway. CJ raised her hand to silence him, and continued softly. “Just listen to the sound of my voice. He told Toby that whenever he needed him – to look at the stars and Astro would be there. He was right Becca. Last night, Astro was there.”

Becky’s sobs began to lessen in severity, as Toby marveled at CJ’s ability to calm his sister-in-law, where he’d always failed.

Soon, Becky’s sobs dissipated altogether. As she got a small grin on her face, she said, “I’ll do it – tonight. I will change the sheets – sleep in the study, and talk to my husband.”

“Is everything okay in here?” When both nodded, he continued, “Claude, we need to get on the road. If we are early, it will give the President, and Abbey much more time to pontificate before dinner, and realizing what is right.” Toby laughed.

It was CJ’s turn to groan.

~§~*~§~*

“Sir, ma’am. It’s good to see you – Happy Holidays. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.”

“What’s doing Claudia Jean?”

“Well, Sir, before I get into that – may I have a talk with Abbey please? The two of you could play Chess.” CJ asked.

“Toby. Enter – you know the way.” Jed said.

~§~*~§~*

“Permission to drop titles ma’am?”

“Granted, what’s going on CJ? Debbie said it was important – ‘Professional Tsunami’ I believe.”

CJ placed her left hand on the table, “We made it official.”

“That’s old news – wait, that’s not Leo’s ring...”

“No Abbey, it’s not. It’s the one Toby bought me, 15 years ago.”

“Oh my.”

“He and I were together, before I went to work at Trinton-Day. David married my best friend, Becky. We met at their rehearsal dinner. We were together as a couple for a while, and then – I received an offer I couldn’t refuse to go to California. He said to leave. There were misunderstandings – words weren’t said. I lost him and my best friend for 15 years. I will not lose either of them again.

Toby wants a change of venue to New York. I will not be away from him that long. When it gets out, and it will, we are engaged – it’ll be bad for the Administration and the Party. I need to resign – now. I don’t want to abandon Jed – but I can’t live without Toby – not again. Please don’t ask me to try.”

“I can see that look in your eye, and I know better.” Abbey smiled. “Jed is going to be a tougher fight. I’m so happy for you. Good luck. Now, go take Toby’s place in the chess game. The quicker we have peace, the quicker we can have a nice day. I will back you up.

Send Toby in for a minute – it shouldn’t take more than that.” She smiled.

~§~*~§~*

“Sir? Would you mind, a new opponent, while Toby talks with Abbey? I have something I need to discuss with you.”

“I can polish the floor with him later,” Jed laughed.

As Toby passed CJ, he whispered, “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“Abbey wants to see you.” CJ smiled.

“Oh, goody.”

“Sir? I need to talk with you.”

~§~*~§~*

Ten minutes later, as Abbey and Toby talked in the kitchen about plans, weddings, and the future, a loud bellow was heard from the study.

“I absolutely will not hear of it! Abbey!”

“There’s our cue” Abbey smiled. As they entered the study, Abbey continued, “Jed, calm down – you need water.”

“I do not need water – do you know what CJ wants to do?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Do you agree?”

“Jethro, if you and I were in their place – I’d do the same thing, in a heartbeat. You know, it’s the right thing – in your heart, you know it.”

“They can spin it so –”

“Fine, you old, lovable buzzard – I’ll play dirty – what would Leo say?”

“Damn.” After looking at CJ, he asked, “Are you happy?”

As Toby slipped his arms around from behind her neck, CJ grabbed onto his forearms and said, “Yes, Sir – for the first time in 15 years.” As she looked at Toby, CJ smiled broadly.

“You take care of her man – she’s a keeper.”

“That’s one order Sir, that I will have no problem following – in or out of office.” Toby smiled.

After a leisurely visit, and exquisite meal, because Abbey ended up cooking, Jed said: “I’ll talk to Judge Gilchrist. Do what you need to do and get back to New York.

Oh, we’re having a small gathering here on the 30th; Leo always wanted to be buried at the farm. It’s just Josh, Donna, Margaret – and the girls. Will you be able to return?”

“Is there going to be a problem about Toby?” CJ asked.

“I’ll talk to Ron. Leo’s last wish was family be together – wasn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir. We can and will be here, we owe Leo that much.” Toby stammered, as he grabbed CJ to him. “See you in a few days.”

After a tearful goodbye, they headed for the airport.

~§~*~§~*


	9. Starting Over

Part 9

Once in the cab, CJ said, “White House please. Toby you’d better go to the condo and wait there. I won’t be long – I promise. They’re not going to let you in anyway.” She laughed bitterly.

Toby nodded. As they drove up to the gate, he kissed her gently and said, “Yeah... right…I know better than to mess with the Secret Service…see you soon.”

CJ made a detour past her old office, she said, “Hey, Carol? Do you have a minute?”

“CJ! Yeah... sure, but what hell you doing here?”

“All will be revealed. Follow me.” As she entered the Chief of Staff’s outer office, she looked at Margaret, and asked, “Are you keeping Cliff out of trouble?”

Margaret was speechless, as she bobbed her head.

“You 2 in here.” After closing the door behind her, CJ leaned against her desk. “Margaret? Seriously, how’s Cliff doing?”

“He’s not Leo or you, but he’ll do in a pinch.” Margaret laughed. 

“Carol? How’s the pressroom? Is Will settling in?”

“He has big shoes to fill... but then again, he hasn’t formed any ‘Secret Plans’ either.” Carol chuckled. As Carol looked at the ground, she asked, “Have you talked with Toby?”

~§~*~§~*

CJ smiled, “He was doing very well. The last we spoke, he’s asked for change of venue to New York – so he can stay with the family.”

“You will miss him.” They said together.

“Well, not quite as much as you might think...” CJ said, as she ran her left hand through her hair.

Carol recovered first, “CJ – is that what we think it is?”

CJ nodded, “We were engaged last night...”

Carol beamed. “That old fever came back – did it?”

CJ smiled broadly.

“I don’t understand...” Margaret said.

~§~*~§~*

“It’s a long story, 15 years in the making. We were a couple before I left for California. I lost him once – I will not do it again.

We’ve been to see the President, my letter of resignation, will be on his desk, on January 1.

This is going to be the hardest to say. I love you both very much. Carol? You gave up a better paying job to follow. You believed, when others didn’t, and made me look damn good in the pressroom. We were friends before we were colleagues, and I will miss you very much.”

Margaret? You ran this office like a pro after Leo… kept me on schedule, and made me the professional Chief of Staff I needed to be. You could have left – but didn’t. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

The Sisterhood always sticks together, if either of you needs me – you know where to look.” CJ took a deep, ragged breath. She continued through tears. “I love you both – regardless of being with Toby, I will miss you everyday. Thank you so much for being there – I couldn’t have done it without either of you.” Carol and Margaret engulfed her in a hug. As they broke up, CJ then looked at Carol and asked, “Is it quiet tonight?”

~§~*~§~*

“Will, called a full lid about an hour ago.”

“Margaret? Where’s Cliff?”

“He called it an early night. You know the schedule – especially with the President is away and Congress not in session.” Margaret said with a smile. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I need to draft a quick letter of resignation, and have it typed up. Then, I need to clear out my desk – I don’t want to do it alone. We can order pizza or something – just don’t leave me.”

“Do you want the standard ‘resigning for personal reasons’ letter?”

“Yeah, that’ll do for the record.”

“I’m on it. Give me 5-10 minute tops.” Margaret said.

“Carol? Will is not going to be able to dodge the question. When it’s asked, have him say this: “Claudia Jean Cregg and Tobias Zachary Ziegler announced their engagement to friends and family this weekend. Ms. Cregg has formally resigned, as of this morning.

They have returned to New York, where Mr. Ziegler has requested a change of venue.

We ask despite in your ability to do otherwise; you give this couple their privacy – given your long relationship with both parties.

When they are ready to do so, a press conference will be called.”

“Right.”

Margaret entered, “CJ? This arrived for you from NASA – marked ‘Personal’.”

As she opened the envelope, the familiar scrawl caught her eye. As CJ tried to stifle tears, “Oh my God!”

After looking at CJ, Carol asked, “What’s wrong? What do you need?” 

“What I need, you could get fired for doing.” CJ said through tears.

“When was the last time I didn’t follow you anyway? Hey, Margaret? Will you draft two of those letters? Please?”

CJ gaped.

“Now, what laws am I breaking?” Carol smiled.

“I need Toby – now – here. This letter, it’s from David – go – ‘just an old friend from home’ to see him. That’s not far from truth.”

~§~*~§~*

“Ziegler.”

“Toby. Carol. Get here. It’s CJ…she says it’s ‘just an old friend.’ Please hurry. I’ll take care of the front the guard is sweet on me.”

“You’ll be fired.”

“Already resigned – now, get your can over here – I don’t know when I’ve seen her look worse.” After hanging up, she turned to Margaret and said, “I suggest you get out of here – if you’re in on this, you lose your job, and they need someone to run this place.”

“I have an idea... Sir? It’s Margaret. I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s a minor emergency... no, Sir, no countries have invaded. It’s CJ.

She’s in and tears in her office reading a letter…I assume it’s from David, Sir – she needs... yes Sir – thank you Sir so much. Bless you.” She smiled, “All Clear.”

~§~*~§~*

As she began to read, CJ cried.

Jeans,

Not a day has gone by in the last 15 years. When I have not thought of you, wondered, if you’re okay – missed your smiling face. Although, having CNN had its rewards.

I’ve wanted to call you – check – the curmudgeon didn’t overstep. I know he still loves you, I hope by now, you realize you still love each other.

If you read this, it means I’m gone. I know Toby thinks I killed myself – I pray someday he will understand. I did pray before I did this, Jeans long, and hard. He doesn’t remember when Mama died – it was extended and painful. I can’t do that to my family – I just can’t. Help Toby to understand.

It’s been 15 years Jeans and Becca needs you. This is what you ‘do for each other’. 

I need both of you to take care of Becca and CJ for me. Nathan may be a harder nut to crack, but just keep at him.

Loving you both forever,  
Astro

By the time Toby entered, CJ was just staring at the letter, with tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Jeano? What is it?”

“How did you...?”

“Sisterhood Rules. Carol called, and Margaret cleared it with the President. What’s the matter, Angel? May I see the letter?

“It’s from David.” She said in a raspy voice.

Toby stared blankly, with his hands just inches away from the letter, and froze.

“Take it. You need to read it. For me – if for no other reason, read it. Please? Zack? Please give him another chance.”

After Toby read the letter, he ran his hand over David’s signature, and began to cry. CJ slid off her chair, and rocked him until he could speak.

“He loved me – us.

I wish he could see us – I mean, really be here now. In the end, why did it take two people we love the most to die for us to find each other again?”

“I know… you want more than a constellation. Look at me – really look and listen. I told you this – but apparently, your ears were stopped up. It was you, is you, and will always be you in my heart – I’ve loved you, as long as I can remember. We’re together now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

~§~*~§~*


	10. Starting Over

Part 10

CJ sighed, “Okay, this can wait for later. While I have the nerve and you with me, I want to do something besides, we need to get you out of here.”

“Where to Claudia Jean?”

She went into her desk drawer, grabbed and extras of keys and said, “Leo’s.”

~§~*~§~*

Toby asked, “Tell me again, what we’re doing here?”

“I need something for the funeral – it’s by his bed. I’ll be right back.” CJ grabbed the picture. After turning around, she came face-to-face with a candid shot she’d never seen.

It was a photo from ‘Bartlet for America.’ Toby, Sam and CJ had been ‘popping’ a basketball around the front office. It was when the basketball popped through the front window, all three ended up in hysterics. This – despite everything – was the Bartlet staff at their finest. No one had ever seen such a cover-up. It put Watergate to shame.

CJ took that photo as well. At the farm, she would check with Mal and make sure it was all right to keep it. As she returned to the living room, she found Toby on the couch, “Did you find what you wanted?”

“I did. The last time I was here, I found something that puzzled me.”

“You? Puzzled? I don’t believe it! I need to call the press!”

She hit him playfully, “I’m serious Tobus!”

“So am I. What puzzled my Angel?” He pulled her down on his shoulder, and began running his hand through her hair.

“It was…a videotape…called, ‘CJ Cregg’s Greatest Hits’”.

“One of my favorites.” He whispered.

“You?”

“Yeah, me. I love to watch you, all hot and bothered. Leo asked about it right before Camp David – he’d seen it on my bookcase, and wanted to know what it was. I told him it was you at your finest.”

“You call Haiti and Qumar my finest.”

“I do... I actually, do. You told the truth – at the wrong time – but you did it. The wording was wrong, but the sentiment right – my absolute favorite section, is where you told off the suits from the Smithsonian.” As he smiled, “It’s my secret how I got that. After Haiti, we both knew Bartlet could govern – I was ticked when I found out, I won’t pretend otherwise. However, in my heart, I knew. So did you.

He was relieved. Not for the reason it sounded, but to be able to do his job. Right words, wrong time.”

“I love you, Tobias Zachary Ziegler.”

“Claudia Jean Cregg, with every beat of my heart. You are loved more than words can say. Just rest Angel, it’s been a long few days.”

~§~*~§~*

“Hey Jeans.”

CJ rubbed her eyes, “Astro? Is that you?”

David’s familiar voice rippled through her dreams. “Yeah, it is. You’re even more beautiful than I remember. So, I see by your finger that my brother finally did the right thing.”

CJ laughed, “He did, we are very happy.”

“I knew you would be if you ever saw straight.” With a hitch in his voice David said, “I always worshiped my wife. However, there was a special place for you since the day we met. I couldn’t have been happier to let Toby step in. Don’t let go – whatever you do. He needs you more than he lets on – and loves you more than he will admit. I know Tobs. No matter how much he says he loves you – it’s more. I want you to be happy, Jeans – I love you; I need to go visit my stubborn brother.” After he caressed her cheek, and gently kissed CJ, he vanished.

CJ smiled sweetly, as she slept.

“Tobs? I need you to pay attention.”

“Oh my God – David is it really you?”

“I would say in the flesh – but that’s kind of silly for a dream isn’t it?”

Toby nodded, and smiled. “We received your letter.”

“I’m assuming since you’re not opening your eyes, you’re still speaking to me.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you. You do know that right?”

“Yeah, I do – same goes.”

“I know that, Little Brother,” nodding to CJ he continued, “you love someone else more – tell her, everything.

I also came to tell you, if you ever hurt her – for any reason, I will make the remaining days of your life a living hell.” With a smile, he continued, “I can do that – if you doubt it just try me.

She is a prize. Don’t let her get away Toby. Jeans loves you, the way you deserve to be loved – consider her my final Hanukkah present. This isn’t the kind that if you break you can replace. It needs to last the rest of your life. I love you both – very much – don’t forget that either.

If you need me, yell. Oh, one final thing – did you have to put on that show the other night?” He grinned. “Love you always and forever.”

With that, David vanished.

~§~*~§~*

CJ stirred at the feeling of fingers running through her hair. “Two mornings of waking up in your arms. I can get used to this.” CJ said as she stretched. “I had the nicest...”

“Visit?”

“You too?”

“If you mean David, then yes. What did he say?”

CJ smiled, “I believe it was something to the effect of ‘hold on tight and don’t let go.’ He also said no matter how much you say you love me. It was more – you love me more than I knew. What did he mean? Toby? What are you not telling me?”

He studied his shoes. “David reminded me not to let you get away – you’re a prize,” he smiled. “I believe the phrase ‘if you hurt her, I will make the remaining days of your life a living hell’ came up as well, he also said to tell you everything.”

“Everything? Toby? What was he talking about?” CJ pulled his head to meet her eyes, “Toby – Tobias Zachary Ziegler. I thought we told each other everything. In the last week, I’ve found out more about you than I ever dreamed. If there’s something else Toby – if we are really going to do this – you need to learn to talk to me again.”

After looking in her eyes, Toby felt truly safe for the first time in 15 years. Toby knew he loved her and the opposite was true. However, Toby had gotten used to hiding, especially from her – now had come the time, to break down the invisible wall. “I need to go to my apartment for a while – pay some bills.”

“Toby – you’re stalling.”

“I’m not stalling – I’m explaining, the only way I know how.” After taking the tape out of the VCR, Toby whispered, “this is legally mine, maybe – if I’m a good boy – I will get a private showing of ‘The Jackal’.”

“You’ve always been very good... especially when you’re bad. If you explain to my satisfaction, we’ll see.” She laughed.

~§~*~§~*

After sorting the mail on his coffee table, Toby stated, “This is the most pressing. Claude, would you get me the checkbook over there?”

“Which one? There are four here.”

“Bring them here, and sit down. Now, what do they say on the front?”

“Retirement Fund”

“I’ll be digging into that a little early.” He said, with a faint smile.

“Splurge Account.”

“That will disappear rather quickly – especially with you around,” he grinned.

“Regular Checking” she smiled.

“There should be one more...”

“The – Toby, oh my God – you – why? How? I don’t understand.”

“Sounds like I have someone else’s checkbook,” Toby laughed, and then became serious. “What is the name on the cover Claudia Jean?”

Through tears, she said, “The Talmadge Cregg Healthcare Trust”.

“That’s the one I need – thank you.”

~§~*~§~*


	11. Starting Over

Part 11

“I don’t understand. How? Why?”

Toby rubbed his hand over his head. “Remember that stock I had to cash out? I invested it in a blind trust in your Dad’s name When Pop died; he left money ‘to be used for family’. David didn’t need it – NASA paid well. You have always been family.

Before you ask, no – I didn’t forget Molly and Huck – I set up a nest egg for them first. The rest went in the trust for your dad…there is enough there to make sure he is well taken care of for quite awhile. It’s amazing what a base of $125,000.00 will earn interest wise.”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

He knelt at her feet, and continued: “That day, I was hooked. You were only there to stuff envelopes – but made your opinion known on prayer in school.

When I came in the next day, you were gone. From sight – never from my mind, and heart.”

“Toby – I…”

Toby smiled, and whispered, “David said to tell you everything – shut up, and listen.”

“Okay.”

“For months, I tried to find you – with only Claude to go by, it wasn’t easy. When the wedding rolled around, David said Becca had a friend, who she wanted to introduce. Then I spotted you at the rehearsal dinner – I thought I was dreaming. When Becca ‘introduced us’ I couldn’t look at you – remember? That night was the first time I felt I was where I belonged... nothing felt as natural as being in your arms. The next day, when you walked down the aisle, my heart stopped. You were beyond gorgeous that day. Our eyes locked and I knew we were meant to be.

When you didn’t put up a fight in New York, I remembered the old saying about ‘if you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be.’ Silently, I prayed you would come back. After five years had passed, and still no trace – I came in search of you. I followed the alternate ending – ‘... if it doesn’t, hunt it down.’ I thought maybe – if you had the idea that someone else... you would come.

I remember, you wanted me to ‘avert my eyes.’ but I still got quite the show.” Toby beamed. “If I close my eyes, I can still see you in that dress climbing out of the pool, all haggard, wet and oh, so sexy. I said a prayer and began.

CJ slid into his arms, and cried.

As he held CJ, he whispered, “During the second election, on the plane to Iowa, you were the ‘wrong Democrat to ask about Affirmative Action.’ God, you have no idea how sexy you are when you’re all hot and bothered.”

“You’ve always like me hot and bothered…what stopped you?”

Toby breathed deep, “…Sexy and did I mention right? When we returned from Iowa, the look on your face and the way you talked about your dad, made me vow if ever I could, I would help you.”

“Toby – please?”

Toby smiled, “It wouldn’t have been right…I was your boss…so I had to settle for ‘flirting without flirting’…the hardest thing I ever had to do…I’m almost finished. When you returned from Dayton – I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you look so sad... resigned. My heart bled for you.” Toby pulled her tighter.

“I remember turning down your offer to help. I never wanted to be weak in your eyes.”

Toby caressed her face, “Shortly after that, Pop died... the money went into the Trust. You weren’t charity – always family. As he looked at his shoes Toby said, “I was afraid you wouldn’t accept it. I have loved you since that first day – we just never quite got the timing right – until now, I hope.” 

~§~*~§~*

“Oh, Toby, don’t let me go…”

“Never…I only make that mistake once.”

CJ smiled, “I... love... you – no one else. Leo was there, and I thought he… now I realize…he was a gentleman, but not my soul mate, never a soul mate.

To fight with you, was, is, and with any luck – always will be a phenomenal turn-on. I never fought with anyone with that result before. It scared me. The endless possibilities scared me – I was supposed to be there more than one day – I just couldn’t return.

Only, I knew your name – kept track of your races... kept track of you.

When Becca called, to say she’d met someone named David Ziegler, my heart stopped, world froze. I hadn’t heard that name in so long. I asked if David had a brother. Becca laughed, ‘his name is Tobias Zachary Ziegler’. I just stared at the phone. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I was excited and afraid at the same time.

When I arrived for the wedding, I was constantly canceling our dates at the last minute.”

Toby stroked her cheeks gently. “I remember.”

“I was so petrified – I dodged the rehearsal. My best friend’s wedding and I dodged the rehearsal. I made it in time for dinner – figured there was safety in numbers. I could feel you watching me – the excitement from five years before, only intensified. I closed my eyes, and said a silent prayer, that I not embarrass myself.”

Toby whispered, “Claude?”

“That night, it felt so right to lie in your arms, my heart was whole again. When I walked down the aisle, all I could focus on was you. I know I couldn’t stop smiling – I felt so transparent. Afterwards, it felt so right to be on your arm and in your arms. I never wanted to leave – I would do whatever you told me, go where ever you pointed.” As CJ caressed his cheek, she continued, “I was toast.”

“When I returned?” CJ continued, smiling, “The look on your face... was almost my undoing. That night was amazing, the next few years life changing... then the call and...” tears began to stream from her face. “Don’t let me go, please Tobs – hold me.”

Toby rocked her, as she continued to speak, “When I heard your voice – at the pool? I had never heard anything so beautiful and kind. You came to get me. Leo may have wanted me, but you knew I could do it. It was your belief in me that made me go. I heard the voice in my head that said ‘I will go where you point.’

I gave you that show, intentionally – you know that don’t you.” She said quietly. I know my legs drive you crazy, and you always were a sucker for my wet hair.

‘I’m Too Sexy’, oh God Toby – when I sang – I could feel the heat right through your shirt – I had to go before I did something lewd in public. It didn’t happen often but when you’d call me Claudia Jean I’d shiver, ‘The Jackal’ was always for you – others were present, but you’re the only one I saw.

I always knew I could talk to you about Daddy. You knew him – before. There was very little I could hide from you – even though I tried. During the trip, as much as I pretended to hate your calls – I lived for your voice – you were my sanity, kept me grounded. With you, I was home…more then that, I was safe.

The thought you did this for me,” CJ sobbed, “only makes me much more sure of your love. Ziegler, if I hadn’t all ready said I’d marry you – I’d say it now. I love you more than words could say.” She drew him into a deep, tender kiss that went on for some minutes, and continued: “now, I believe, I promised you a present – and you’ve been a very good boy. So, the question remains – where do you want to take me?”

Toby’s eyes widened as he caressed, and kissed her cheek, “I love you so much – follow me.”

~§~*~§~*


	12. Starting Over

Part 12

CJ awoke, her head resting on Toby’s chest. The clock on the other side of the room read 8:45 p.m., just as she was about to speak; Toby began to talk softly to himself. As she loved to hear the vibrations in his chest, CJ lay very still, and listened.

“I am the luckiest man in the world. Truly blessed – I never thought it would be possible for you love me again. For you to still love me.” He began to sing ‘You Are My Sunshine’. As he finished the second verse, Toby became conscious of wetness on his chest. “Claude? Angel, look at me.”

CJ turned her head and quietly said, “Hi.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough. Something I didn’t tell you. That night? When you appeared and said you were the leak. It wasn’t disdain you saw it was relief. Horrified relief – just before the news broke on TV, I had my hand on the phone to call Greg Brock.

If it had been David, all I could see was your face, while David was stuck on the shuttle. If I could save, any family from going through that, much less three – it would be worth it.

You beat me to the punch. I love you even more for that. Then there’s another part of me. The part that says, if it wasn’t for me. You wouldn’t have done it.”

“Jeano, I take full responsibility for...”

“I put the idea in your head. I came to you – asked, if David had ever told you anything. If it had been David, what would he want? You said...”

“I said he’d want to die for his country. I knew it was wrong – I wasn’t that far gone. I knew it Claude. I didn’t care. It was wrong, but it was right.

There were three astronauts up there, but they only counted two lives. Damn it, Claudia Jean! If there were three American astronauts up there – there would have been no discussion as to what to do – you know it!

Should I’ve resigned first – so, I wouldn’t be speaking for the White House? If I had it to do it over again. I would do that differently. I will never apologize for being the leak.”

“I would never ask you to apologize... you know that. After I went home that night. When I could allow myself to be Claude and not Claudia Jean Cregg, Chief of Staff, I wasn’t just relieved – I was proud – so very proud of you. You did, what you knew to be right, without any question for what it would mean for your future.”

“I wasn’t thinking. Every bit of the President’s trust I had managed to regain since Iowa – went out the window.” As he ran his hand through her hair Toby continued: “I left you alone.” His voice got lower, “I lost you.”

“I told you to go – sound familiar?” CJ smiled. “You never lost me. You just never realized you still had me either.” CJ moved into his arms, and caressed his cheek.

“Now, on a different matter. May we get rid of this beard please?” She laughed.

Toby feigned shock, “You want me to get rid of my beard? I don’t think so, Young Lady! I’ve had this beard a long time.”

CJ smiled, as she kissed her way over to his ear. “I’ve... always... wondered... what you were hiding.” As she reached his ear, she blew in it and whispered, “Even for me? I want to finally see the man with whom I fell in love.” 

“Do I have to shave it all? I’ve become very attached – literally.” He smiled.

After pretending to think, she said, “Well. I love your beard, so how about we compromise? You can keep the goatee, but the rest goes. I want to see the face that goes with those eyes.”

“Only if I get to see the face, that goes with that voice. If only you knew what to do to me.”

“I have a pretty good idea,” she said, smiling, as she kissed him deeply. As CJ crept back up to his ear, she whispered, “I need you.”

Toby’s eyes sparkled, “Oh, really?” He rolled CJ on her back, and parted her legs with his knee.

CJ took his face in her hands and whispered, “Not this way – not right now. I need it to be ‘because’... but don’t forget ‘with’ later.” She smiled. “First I need you to know, that I may be good in bed, but since I left, there has been no one’s mouth under my skirt…except yours.” CJ sighed, with each touch. By the time, he reached her thighs she was ready to explode. After only a few minutes of where CJ ‘needed’ him most, she screamed his name – and her world went dark.

After placing his arms around CJ’s waist, he placed his head on her chest, and listened to her breathe.

After a few minutes, he heard, “I know we aren’t finished. I just need time to recover – I love you – Tobias Zachary Ziegler.”

“To infinity and beyond.”

CJ’s eyes flew open. “Ziegler? Do my ears deceive me? Did you just make a pop-culture reference?”

“I was going to say, ‘more than words’ but wanted and needed something different.” With a broad grin, Toby said, “It’s the best I could come up with on short notice.” With a laugh, he continued, “Moreover, it’s a good movie.”

CJ chuckled, “It’s perfect. Now, I think we have some unfinished business,” she giggled as Toby moved over her.

~§~*~§~*

Her cell woke them up a few hours later. “Hello?”

“CJ? It’s Sam – I heard about Leo, Josh said they were... I don’t want to call there... I want to surprise him, all of them. If I’d be welcome.”

“Where are you Spanky?” CJ asked with a grin.

“I’ll be at the Manchester Airport at 8:30 a.m. – United Flight 733.”

CJ smiled, “Toby and I will meet you – of course you’re welcome. Do I have the picture for you. See you tomorrow.”

“CJ? Did you say, Toby?”

“I did. Now, shut up, and we will answer your questions in the morning.” She smiled, “Oh, and Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. I just realized that keeping feelings secret isn’t fair to anyone.” She said, caressing Toby’s cheek.

“Ditto. See you in the morning.” Sam said as he hung up the phone.

CJ chuckled, and hung up. “As much as I hate to do this, we have to get on the road. Sam wants us to meet his plane in Manchester at 8:30 a.m.

He’s afraid to call the house. I guess after how things ended with Mal. He did love Leo.”

“We all did... who else could bring this motley crew together more than once? Who else could...”

“Toby?”

He had never noticed the pattern in the rug before. “See we made it home. I’ll be forever grateful.”

“Me too.” She said softly. Then, taking Toby’s hand, and pushing him toward the bathroom, she continued, “You just have time to shave.” As she laughed, CJ headed for the coffee.

“You do realize, you are the only woman who I would do this for don’t you?”

CJ smiled. As she kissed him on the cheek, CJ whispered in his ear, “I just hope I can make it through the day. It’s going to be hard enough – without you looking so sexy. They do have a barn though. You could save me from snakes.” CJ’s eyes glimmered, as she pulled him to the car.

~§~*~§~*

“Claudia Jean!” Sam hugged her tightly. As they broke apart, so he could have a good look at her, Sam said, “You look radiant. What have you done?”

CJ blushed, “Thank you Sam. It’s good to see you. I’m just sorry it took this for us to get back together.”

“Sam.” Toby stepped up shake hands.

“Toby.” Sam said coldly. 

“Sam.” Toby said in a softer voice. “I did something wrong – no, I didn’t – but I picked the wrong time to do it. I should have resigned first. I will not apologize – not to you. I refuse. The President, Josh, CJ, and even Leo forgave me...”

“You let the Administration down. After everything, you threw it all away. I believed in you – thought you were honorable – I admired you. How could you do this to President Bartlet, the Senior Staff, me – how could you? All my trust ruined – gone.”

Sam took a deep breath, and turning from Toby, continue talking with CJ. “So tell me. What’s new – why are you and Mr. Ziegler in the same company?”

“Sam. The car. Now. You really don’t deserve an answer – not after treating Toby that way. However, you’ll get one. Don’t ask why.”

“Rule #1: shut up, and don’t say anything – unless you can be civil and genuinely happy.

Reader’s Digest version: Toby and I have known each other for over 20 years. Fifteen years ago, he was going to propose, but I received a call from Trinton-Day. He told me to go and I obeyed – which was a stupid move.” CJ reached into the backseat for Toby’s hand.

Then, he came to get me, for ‘Bartlet for America’ and we spent the next 8 years, dancing around our feelings – I thought things were going on with Andi etc.

After Leo died, and with some prodding – we became engaged.”

“CJ – I don’t believe you are engaged to this...”

“Samuel – may I refer you back to Rule #1?” CJ pulled onto a side street, and continued, “Look at me. Look at me Sam, now; look at us. We are very happy. I’m not being forced to do anything. I have resigned – will return to New York with Toby. The President is arranging a change of venue. Can you be happy for us? With no reservations?”

Sam looked in CJ’s eyes, and for the first time, saw pure joy. “When you glow like that, how can I not be happy? You caught me off guard, I’m sorry.”

Sam turned to face Toby and said, “You have the woman, all of us wanted. Don’t mess this up. Toby, I will find you, if you do. However, just seeing the two of you together – I don’t think there is any danger of that. I really am happy for you.”

“Thank you, Sam.” Toby said, as he blushed. Only, there was no beard to hide behind this time.

As she pulled into the driveway, CJ looked in the rearview mirror. “Breathe deep, Tobs – we are here, and you either need to loosen your collar, or do something.” She laughed, “Whereas. I never mind seeing you blush, others aren’t used to it – and you will pay.”

~§~*~§~*

After they parked, Sam said, “Maybe I should go for a walk. I don’t really belong here anymore – just up and left after the election. I just couldn’t be anywhere else. Does that make any sense?”

Before CJ had a chance to react, Toby spoke up. “It does make sense – except for the fact it doesn’t. We have something in common. You and I both left Jed Bartlet high and dry. You left with your dignity as for me, I believe Leo would say, ‘not so much.’ Now, if I can go in there, you can too. We are family and the man who brought us together, has died. We need each other. Please?”

As CJ knocked on the door, she and Toby took hands. When the door opened, Abbey smiled broadly, and started to speak. Before she could say anything, CJ put her finger to her lips as she and Toby parted, to reveal Sam standing behind them.

Abbey’s hand covered her mouth, and Sam whispered, “Where’s the President?”

After giving Sam’s hand a squeeze, Abbey led him to the back porch. He found Jed in a rocking chair – staring into space.

“Sir? I had to come. I hope you don’t mind.”

Jed looked up, and for the first time in weeks smiled from ear-to-ear.

~§~*~§~*


	13. Starting Over

Part 13

“Sam. Welcome Home. We didn’t think you’d come.”

“Toby convinced me. I needed to be here, even if I wasn’t there. Does that make sense?”

You are family. Sam. No matter what happened in the past, you belong here today. He would have wanted that. I want you here. Now is the time for family to be together. All of you have been family since the first campaign.

If any of you had missed today, Leo Thomas McGarry would have haunted you the rest of your life.” Jed laughed. “You know I’m right!”

“Yes, Sir. I do.” Sam chuckled.

“Now, did I hear you say Toby – I do hope he brought CJ with him!” Jed smiled.

“Yes, Sir. She’s here, waiting inside with Abbey.”

“Well then, Josh should be here shortly. Margaret and Mal arrive on the noon flight, and the girls should filter in after lunch.”

As he took a deep breath, Jed said, “Leo always loved the sunset. Therefore, the service won’t start until then. Now, let’s go inside.”

~§~*~§~*

“Toby? May I steal CJ for a moment? Do you think you are capable of keeping out of trouble for that long?” Abbey smiled.

“Yes ma’am – Abbey.” Toby chuckled.

Abbey held CJ’s hands to get a good look at her. “Something’s different. I know you’re engaged, that’s not it. So, don’t pretend it is. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Abbey.” CJ smiled.

“Oh yes you do, you were glowing, when you were here the other day, now you’re radiant. Something has changed in the last 48 hours – now, give it up. This isn’t the First Lady asking, it’s me – Abbey, remember me?”

“May we go somewhere with more privacy than the kitchen?” CJ smiled.

As she took one hand, Abbey led CJ up the back stairs, to her bedroom. After curling on the bed, said, “Now, spill it.”

“I told you Toby wanted to propose 15 years ago. What I didn’t tell you was we met 25 years ago.

I was working on my first political campaign, Buchanan for Congress. The day I met Toby, I was stuffing envelopes. He and I got into a debate on prayer in school... I became so excited, the only way he could shut me up was to kiss me and I...”

“Without even thinking about it?” Abbey smiled. “Jed used to do that to me. Still does, sometimes.”

“Yeah, I scared myself – I’d never been that excited before. He sparked something in me and I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t go back. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t – I was too afraid.

He searched for me with no luck, but I followed him through all his campaigns.

When David and Becca became engaged, she tried to set us up. I was so petrified. I kept avoiding the house.

When I saw him at their rehearsal dinner – everything stopped. My eyes locked with his, in the mirrored floor.” CJ laughed, “He studied his shoes, even then. That night, Toby Ziegler stole my heart.”

Abbey laughed, “Did you reclaim it at Lost and Found?”

CJ smiled, “With the way he looked at me – there’s no way I’d even want to try.

We were happy for a few years, and then came the call... you pretty much know the story from there.

As a result, I’ll fast-forward to about two years ago. After I went to see my father, I didn’t know what to do. I went to Toby and told him I felt like a failure, because I couldn’t take care of my own father.

He said if he could help he would.”

“Oh, CJ!” Abbey exclaimed, a broad smile appearing on her face, for the first time in days.

CJ looked down at her shoes, and continued, “I told him I wouldn’t accept charity.”

A few days ago, we were in my office. Toby began to cry, said he needed to see David. On the way home, we stopped at Leo’s because I wanted to pick something up for today. Toby and I were exhausted; we fell asleep on the couch. I know it sounds strange – but David appeared. He told Toby to tell me everything.

When we woke, Toby took me to his apartment, to ‘pay some bills’.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t either” CJ smiled, “the bill he was paying was the ‘most pressing’. The checkbook he used was The Talmadge Cregg Healthcare Trust.”

~§~*~§~*

“Claudia Jean!”

“Yeah. When he had to cash out the $125,000 stock, he set up a blind trust in my father’s name. After my trip to Dayton, his father died. In his will, Julie left Toby money, ‘to be used for family.’ David gave his blessing. After Toby set some aside in a trust for the twins, he deposited the rest in the trust.” As she wiped her eyes, CJ continued, “Toby told me, I had always been his family. He had set up a blind trust, knowing I wouldn’t accept the money directly.

It was at that moment, Abbey – I truly understood how much he loved me. It was more than the money. It was – I don’t know – it was family. I had family. My brothers… I know I have this political family, but that’s not quite the same either.

This is someone who knew me, loved me. Warts and all, I know, I know. All I had to do was ask for help. I’m so bad at that it’s not even funny. Toby knew – knew I needed help, because he knows me – my soul – he loves me.” Quietly, she continued, “I love him too – Leo could have been no more than a stand-in – and he deserved more.”

I have always loved Toby. I was so proud when he leaked the story. I know it sounds wrong, but my letter of resignation is on Jed’s desk.”

“CJ! You heard Jed say it was ‘the right thing to do – legal no – right yes.”

“Abbey. You don’t understand – when the news broke, I had my hand on the phone to call Greg Brock. The thing is, I can’t even swear it was Leo’s voice in my head.

All I could see, all I could think about – was Toby, while David was stuck on the Shuttle – and after his brother died the look of total devastation on his face. I couldn’t let another family go through that.

Abbey, it was going to be about Toby – it’s always been about Toby. Even when I was in California, I would think, ‘would Toby be proud of this decision.’ If I’m honest with myself, when he came to recruit me for the campaign – it wasn’t Leo wanting me; it was Toby knowing I could do it.

I’ve been such a fool – never again. I love Toby, and will do anything I can to be with him.”

~§~*~§~*


	14. Starting Over

Part 14

“Okay, CJ. I want you to listen to me.” After taking CJ’s face in her hands, Abbey continued, “Toby and you would walk through fire for each other. That’s the way of true love.

Let me tell you something you don’t know. After Rosslyn, while we were at the hospital – I found Toby in a corner, shaking like a leaf – Toby. Our Toby … shaking. Once he calmed, he said he’d ‘almost lost you, that he was responsible’.

If he’d never come to California, you would be safe. Away from him, but safe. He was the one who put you in danger, put Jed in danger – but if you want the truth, I think he was more scared of losing you.

He had his letter of resignation – scribbled on a legal pad in one hand, the other on the door. He was going – leaving for good. Then you appeared – said you were safe, and needed him.”

Abbey held CJ, as she cried. “No… Matter... how much... I think I know... I don’t. It’s like David said...” soon, her sobs stopped.

“Are you able to go downstairs? It’s time for Josh to arrive. I haven’t really seen Sam, and I can’t wait to see the look on Josh’s face.” Abbey smiled.

CJ sighed happily, “I guess I never really will know everything – will I?”

Abbey chuckled, and caressed her face, “It’s part of the mystery. If we knew everything at once... now, let’s get back.”

~§~*~§~*

As they entered the living room, Abbey held out her arms, “Congressman Seaborn, Welcome Home!”

“Ma’am.”

“Abbey – please.”

“Abbey, it’s good to see you.” Sam looked down. “I didn’t know if I’d be welcome.”

“Now you’ve done it.” Jed smiled.

“Sam, look around you – we’re family. This is where you belong today – and any other day you can get away.” She looked at Toby and CJ, “That goes for you as well – especially after ‘the thing’ is over.”

Abbey nodded at her husband. He continued, “After Inauguration Day, you are welcome – any time you can get here. We’d –”

Just then, a helicopter landed. As she smiled at Sam, Abbey nodded toward the door, “He will want to see you. Donna had to stay and run the office. Joshua has been in bad shape.”

~§~*~§~*

Abbey was right. Josh looked tired, discouraged, and generally wiped out – the light had gone from his eyes, and the bounce from his step. As Sam crept closer, he stretched out his arms, and said, “Mr. Lyman, I presume.”

“Hey. You’re here.” As he embraced Sam Josh continued, “…We were in Illinois – what is it about the state?” Josh held tight and cried.

“Hey, look at me. Leo Thomas McGarry was no pushover. No one forced him to do anything he didn’t want to do. That included...”

~§~*~§~*

“Big Block of Cheese Day!” They laughed.

At the magnificent sound of laughter, the front door opened, and everyone approached.

As Josh dried his tears, he began: “Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of the White House, had a big block of cheese.”

Sam continued, “The block of cheese was huge – over 2 tons.” 

Toby smiled and said, “And it was there for any and all who might be hungry.”

Jed grinned, “Jackson wanted the White House to belong to the people, so from time to time, he opened the doors to those who wished an audience.”

With a burst of laughter, CJ continued, “It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson. That I, from time to time, ask Senior Staff to have face-to-face meetings with those people representing organizations who have a difficult time getting our attention.”

As Margaret approached she finished, “I know the more jaded among you see this as something rather beneath you. But I assure you that listening to the voices of passionate Americans is beneath no one and surely not the People’s servants.”

~§~*~§~*

“Margaret” came the collective cry. With that, they gathered for a group hug. Slowly, the others began filtering in and the family reunion grew. Stories were told, memories shared, and tears shed.

It was finally time to start getting ready. Mallory arrived, and found it strangely comforting to see Sam. Margaret held onto Josh, for her support.

Father Cavanaugh, had flown in to do the service and explained there would be an open casket, and if they wished, the opportunity to leave Leo something.

Sam said he brought something, and if people desired, he had copies. After retrieving his bag, he pulled out a sheet of paper. Sam explained that he was surfing the Internet and found this picture of Andrew Jackson and his big block of cheese. Around the picture, Sam had glued the faces of the Senior Staff, and below – the text of his speech. Leo’s face was pasted in the middle of the picture.

Before the service, Mallory was given, as much time and she needed. Mal surprised even herself, when she asked Sam to accompany her. He held her, one hand on each shoulder. Mal could feel his strength, when hers faltered.

After the brief service, Father Cavanaugh stepped away and one by one, they approached. Margaret started, and wrapped him the best she could, in his Air Force blanket. “Words cannot express what I’m feeling, so I won’t even try. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.”

Sam followed and after placing the picture on Leo’s chest, said, “You were wonderful boss, Mentor and a friend – you would have made an astounding Vice President. No life you touched will ever be the same.”

Toby and CJ approached. CJ bent, and kissing him on both cheeks whispered, “Thank you – for everything. You had confidence in me, when no one else did.” After squeezing Toby’s hand, she continued, “Well, almost no one.” As she placed picture on his chest, “You helped me find my way home.”

Toby began, “You know me too well. You gave my heart back – my soul and forgiveness when I didn’t think it was possible – for that I will be eternally grateful. Any of us would have died for you. Leo, old friend, you were taken from us too soon. I will miss you – thank you – you were truly one in a million.” Toby braced CJ, and supported her weight as they returned to their seats.

It was Josh’s turn. “Thank you, it’s all I can say. You’ve done everything for me. It’s been one hell of a ride. I can’t and won’t do this without you. I quit – it’s just not worth it. I love you more than you know. Say hi to everyone for me.” He slipped a copy of his letter of resignation under Leo’s hand.

Josh and Abbey passed. She turned his face toward her, and whispered, “You okay?” Josh shook his head, “Later.”

Abbey stood there, and prayed. After placing a Michigan sweatshirt, on his chest, she wiped her eyes and said, “I don’t know what to say. You are the brother I never had. You looked out for me when Jed couldn’t – God, I just wish I could see your eyes. My life will never be the same, because you were in it – I love you – not as much is Jed, but Leo Thomas McGarry, you will always have a special place in my heart.”

Finally, it was Jed’s turn; he found it hard to move. “My brother, I know life will go on without you – but right now, I’m not sure how.

We’ve been through a lot together. I truly would not be here without you. I was supposed to go first. It’s just not fair. Your friendship is beyond thanks – beyond price. So all I could do was this.” He slipped a blank check in his hand.

“You were on your way to great things – I meant what I said years ago, it really should have been you.

Leo, my friend, without you. I would not have this extended family. They are the reason, you will live on – thank you.”

~§~*~§~*


	15. Starting Over

Part 15

After the girls left, Jed said, “I hope the five of you were planning to spend the night. We haven’t had the whole family together in a long time.”

Margaret looked down, “I think I’d better get back, Sir. Thank you for the invitation. I need to check on Ginger…she’s taking it hard. Not to mention that Cliff would be lost without me, and we can’t afford that – Republican or not.”

“Very well,” he said. “You remember that, if you ever need us – call. It doesn’t matter what time of night – we love you. Are you going to be all right?”

“I will never be the same, but I will be all right – in time.” She said with a weak smile.

Okay then. We will see you in a couple of days.

Josh? I don’t know the deal – but I get the distinct impression my wife isn’t letting you go any time soon.” Jed laughed. “Are the rest of you staying?”

Sam said, “My flight was supposed to leave tonight – but I could cancel it. Although, you could be stuck with me for a couple of days.”

Jed grinned, “That’s fine by me – I’ve missed you.”

Toby glanced at CJ, “I think we should go. Thank you for the invitation, but I don’t think we...”

“Toby? I’m not ready to see either of you go yet, and once you drive out the gate, there’s no coming back until after ‘the thing’. I’ve about worn out my favors with the Secret Service. We had a long day. You and CJ can stay in the Guesthouse. You will have complete privacy.”

CJ had drifted over to the casket – which was just about to be closed. As she looked into his face, and what she knew to be his penetrating Hazel eyes, she began to speak softly, “It never would have been fair to you. I did love you, but not enough…Toby is my soul mate. Did you really have to die, in order for me to remember?”

Her voice began to rise, I’m not the only one you left, and I know that. I need you; we all need you. Damn it Leo!”

Toby turned, and walked quickly toward the casket. After he placed his arms around CJ’s waist, he whispered, “Angel...what is it?”

“He’s gone, really gone. I always expected him to kick our respective asses when we needed it, even if it had to be from the OEOB.”

Toby whispered, “Claude? Look behind you. We are family, and together – because of this man. We will survive, because we have each other. Now, you have me and don’t ever forget that – but right now, our family is together, the first time in years. Can you do this? I think we all need some help today.”

CJ turned and melted into his arms. 

“We need to help each other. It’s going to be okay – I promise.” They remained in each other’s arms, until CJ was able to return to the group.

~§~*~§~*

As they approached, Josh stepped forward, “Claudia Jean.” CJ gave Toby’s hand a squeeze, and walked toward Josh, falling into his embrace. “Everyone needs help CJ... this is the biggest wall there is.” It was only after he heard CJ’s sob, Josh again, allowed himself the same release.

After wiping her eyes, CJ said, “Leo came to me in a dream the other night. He said to tell you, everyone was together. He’s watching over us Josh – I can feel it. I know it sounds strange, but…”

“I know what you mean. I don’t think any of them are very happy with me right now.” Josh looked down at his shoes and rocked back and forth.

As she pulled out of his embrace, CJ looked at him hard and said, “Mi amour? What did you do?”

Abbey raised an eyebrow, “Yes, I’m curious as to that answer as well. First, however, I think we should go inside and sit down. This does not feel like a conversation I want to have standing.”

~§~*~§~*

After they settled, Abbey produced beers for everyone. She then settled beside Jed and continued, “Joshua, you were saying?”

Josh looked down, and mumbled something. 

Jed laughed, “Joshua – stop mumbling and tell us what’s going on.”

“I resigned, Sir.”

Silence.

Jed said, “Joshua Lyman – look at me. Tell the truth. Have you given Matthew Santos your letter?” 

Josh shook his head, and a collective sigh was heard.

“Josh. You’re not a quitter. Leo would want –” CJ began.

“I told you. After I met with Stanley Keyworth, Leo was waiting for me. He told me, ‘as long as I have a job, you have a job.’ It’s just not worth it without him.”

Abbey spoke up, “Josh. When Leo brought, you on the campaign, he told us you were tenacious. ‘A terrier yapping at the heels of the Party.’ You would never give up, and ‘just the man for the job.’ His face glowed – he was so proud of you, you didn’t know did you?”

“No ma’am – Abbey.”

CJ picked up, “I watched him after Rosslyn. As we stared at you going into surgery, Leo told me that he would trade places with you in a heartbeat. You were the son he never had.”

Jed continued, “Listen to me very carefully son. After you went to Leo and told him, you found your ‘own guy’, he came to me. Save the day Mallory was born, I don’t know when I’ve seen him prouder. It was as if he was thinking, ‘my boy is following my example.’”

“Sir – Jed, I just feel...”

Sternly, Jed said, “If I even hear the phrase ‘he ran because I asked him to’, we will have serious words outside this room. You will recall, I told you to ‘chase him around the schoolyard’ if he didn’t agree.

Leo Thomas McGarry has always wanted to be in office – it was his dream, his ambition. The drugs and alcohol kept him out. Once that was revealed, there was no block – he was grabbing for the brass ring, Josh. That’s all there is to it.”

Toby interjected, “I know we haven’t agreed recently, but I want to tell you something. It wasn’t just Leo, who believed in you.” Toby looked around the room, “Every single person in this room loves, supports, and admires you. I admire you – I know that may not mean much right now, but it’s true. You left for the right reason. Did things in the correct order...”

“Toby.” CJ said softly, caressing his arm.

~§~*~§~*

“Let’s not pretend I didn’t screw up. I did what was right, but it was the wrong time. There’s not one person in this room, who would say that I should have done it from the Communication Director’s Office.

Josh, you moved on. You went to get ‘a good man elected to office.’ No one could blame you. I know Leo was proud. I’m just glad I didn’t have to see his face, when he heard my news.” Toby leaned, and put his head on CJ’s shoulder.

Quietly, she said, “Everything is OK Zack, ‘everyone needs help today’ remember? I love you.” 

Josh approached Toby. “I won’t lie. When he first heard the news, Leo was shocked. However, anytime he could get near a TV – he was watching your trial. When it was all over, he smiled, his trademark smile, and told me, ‘Damn, I did get through. He ran into the biggest wall he could – and he may have fallen, but if I know Toby, he will go on.”

“He did call me. We talked. The thing I thank God for, is we hung up on good terms. Leo seemed to understand. Then, of course, he’d given me my life back...”

CJ said, “Our life. He gave us our life back. Then he left, not on purpose, I know, but he still left us alone.”

“Look at me Claudia,” Jed said softly. “Leo gave us all a gift. Nine years ago, he gave us a gift. We are together, because of Leo. I will not let any of you go. Leo said it ‘we are family.’ Family helps each other; loves each other – through the good and bad.

I admit, I almost wrote Toby off. Leo’s words made me realize what I have lost and what I was about to lose. I need you all – we need you all.

Now, back to pack Joshua, your letter. What will it be?”

Josh sighed, “There is no replacement for Leo. However,” he said, taking a letter out of his pocket, “I will not give up.” After ripping his letter in half, Josh threw it away.

~§~*~§~*


	16. Starting Over

Part 16

CJ stretched, “Good Morning Mr. Ziegler. How long have you been awake?”

I believe we’ve established with you in my arms – sleep is a memory. For this reason, I’m very glad, I don’t have to punch a clock.”

“So, I suppose that sticks me with the drive home, doesn’t it?”

Toby laughed, “I suppose it does. You wouldn’t want me to fall asleep.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” She smiled, “It will be a shame to leave. Then again, we did promised Becca, we would be home by tonight. It’s a 4-½ hour drive; let’s start to say our goodbyes. It will take us almost that long to convince Jed and Abbey to let us go.”

~§~*~§~*

As Toby and CJ approached, they heard voices.

“Despite the circumstances, it’s nice to have everyone together again.” Abbey said.

“Yes, I’ve missed times like these – soon they will scatter...” Jed continued.

A few minutes later, CJ and Toby entered. “Good Morning, I hope we didn’t interrupt.”

“CJ, Toby of course not. Sit, have coffee – breakfast is almost ready.” Abbey said.

“Thank you very much, Abbey, but we must start home.”

Abbey’s face fell. “You’re not seeing in New Year’s with us? Sam and Josh will be here – please?”

We can’t – I promised Rebecca we would be back – it’s a family thing.” Toby said.

“You’re right, it is.” Jed said, “So this is what we’re going to do. Family belongs together – which means you belong here.”

“Sir, we promised –”

“That you’d be home for New Year’s – yes, yes. You will be.” Jed went to the phone, “Your sister-in-law’s number please.”

Toby stammered for a minute, “212-867-5754.” He looked at Abbey, “what does your husband think he’s doing?”

~§~*~§~*

“Hullo?”

“Hi there,” pointing to the phone, Jed mouthed, “It’s a little girl.”

“CJ – that shouldn’t be too hard.” Toby laughed.

“CJ? Is your mom at home?” Jed beamed.

“Can I tell who’s calling?”

“I’m a friend of your uncle’s. My name is Josiah Bartlet.” He smiled.

“Okay, one minute, please. Mom! Whosia Bartkite is on the phone for you!”

Jed laughed, “Apparently now, I’m, Whosia Bartkite!”

“Rebecca Ziegler, what may I do for you?”

Jed smiled, “My name is Josiah Bartlet and I’m calling...”

“Mr. President. Is something wrong?” Becky asked hesitantly.

“Oh, no! Rebecca, everyone is fine. I promise. I’m looking at both of them, everyone’s perfectly all right. Do you want to talk to one of them?”

“May I speak to CJ, Sir? Please.”

“Claudia? Rebecca needs to talk to you.”

“Becca? Honey, it’s Jeannie... yes, sweetheart. We are fine – I promise.” She laughed and said, “I have no idea why he called. I love you too…” CJ covered the phone and said, “Tobs? Becca just needs to hear your voice.” She smiled. “Then I suppose we give her back to Mr. Bartkite, and let him finish his call.” CJ laughed.

“Hey Becca. Yes, I love you too... yes, it really is – I promise. I have no idea. One minute for the President of the United States.

Sir? Your call.”

“Rebecca. May I call you Becky? I am having a disagreement with Toby and thought you might be able to help. It seems he promised to spend the evening with you. The problem is, this is the last time our family will be together for quite awhile.

So then, instead of sending them home, I thought we would bring you here. There’s plenty of room. We would love to have you, and it would give me much more time with Toby and CJ. Bring Nathan and CJ as well. ‘It ain’t nothing but a family thing’ tonight. Family belongs together – that means everyone.

Now, which airport is closer for you, LaGuardia or JFK? Fine... is two hours enough time? Wonderful, there will be a plane waiting for you, and we will see you all in time for lunch. One minute please. CJ?” Jed handed her the phone.

“Becca? What’s wrong? No, Honey he wasn’t kidding. This is what we refer to as a ‘command performance.’” CJ laughed. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. His bark is worse than his bite. Remember Mr. Reed in AP History – same concept. We won’t leave you alone. Yes, I promise. See you in a few hours – we love you too. Pass hugs all around. I will tell him, goodbye Sweetheart.”

~§~*~§~*

As CJ reentered the room, Jed beamed. “So, Claudia Jean. David has a daughter named CJ.”

“Catherine Joan. They call her, CJ Jed.”

“So the initials are a coincidence.”

“Not exactly.” CJ began to fidget.

“Jethro, leave her alone.”

“Abigail? Do you know something I do not?”

“Most of the time, this is true.” Abbey said with a satisfied grin and a wink at CJ.

“Okay, I know the Sisterhood sticks together – I understand that, but will one of you please fill me in.”

CJ sighed, and sat beside Toby. “Jed, I’ve known Becca since we were six. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister. When I went to California, I didn’t just leave Toby. I left Becca as well.”

Toby pulled her head down to his shoulder and continued quietly, “When Catherine was born, she had a thick mop of red hair and I determined look on her face like I’ve never seen. Becky said she was the spitting image of CJ. The name stuck.”

As he laughed, Toby said, “I have never seen two unrelated people so alike in my life. I believe you will agree with me, after meeting her.

~§~*~§~*

If you’ll excuse us, I think we’ll go for a walk before everyone arrives.” Toby tossed over his shoulder: “We want to see if the snake is still in the barn. We shall return.”

“Be careful children, Jed broke a leg, the first time we were in the loft.” Abbey laughed.

CJ blushed, “There is no hiding from them. Oh, Toby – the pond is so beautiful. Look, there’s a patch of sun right over there.”

“It’s outside” Toby whined.

“Look,” CJ pouted. “You need to sleep. Just let me hold you for a while.”

“You holding me means I’m going to sleep for what reason exactly.”

CJ laughed, “You need to rest.”

“It’s freezing out here! At least in the barn, there is some semblance of warmth. Come on – please? We will still be able to hear the plane from there.”

CJ and Toby found a makeshift bed in the corner. “Why do I get the feeling this was set up?” CJ laughed.

Toby grinned. “I bribed the girls before they left. I hoped at some point, we’d end up here.” He said as he kissed her. After she lay down on the blanket, he continued, “Now, about this jacket...” as he unzipped it, his ability to form a coherent sentence was lost. “Claude... I saw you get dressed this morning... you had... and now it’s...”

CJ grinned, “Good boys get rewards, remember?”

Toby zipped the jacket up kissed her deeply.

“Toby?”

“Claudia Jean – I just don’t want to be one of those guys.”

“What are you talking about?”

“One of those guys, who says I love you only in bed.” His shoes became very interesting, “I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. I fell in love with you, the first time I saw you, and will be forever grateful to God for bringing back into my life. I marvel at the fact, you could ever fall in love with me – once let alone twice.”

“Toby... I…”

He looked up, “Every time I look in your eyes, I fall in love all over again. I just need you to know, to hear the words ‘I love you’ when we weren’t in the throes of passion.” Toby stepped closer as he whispered, “I love you Angel, always and forever.”

CJ reached out and touched his cheek. “God, you astound me. I love you, more and more every day. Right now, however, you’re going to sleep.”

“Claude!”

“I’m not kidding. You are exhausted, and something tells me, the Guesthouse will be overcrowded tonight. So, I thought we could camp out.” CJ smiled wickedly. “Now, get some sleep,” she said as he settled on her chest and she kissed the top of his head. “I promise, we won’t sleep much tonight.”

~§~*~§~*

A few hours later, they awoke to the sound of a plane overhead. “Let’s return, before Jed has a chance to harass them.” Toby laughed.

As they approached the plane, CJ said, “There you are!”

“Jeannie! Toby!” Becky waved.

“Aunt CJ!” CJ screamed as she ran toward the couple.

As she stooped down, CJ opened her arms, and scooped up the little girl. “Hey, Honey, did you have a good flight? I’m so glad to see you!”

In mock insult, Toby stepped over to Becky and gave her a kiss. “I guess I’ve been replaced.” He smiled.

“I guess so.”

Jed and Abbey stepped out onto the porch, to observe CJ and the little girl. In unison, they said, “Incredible.”

~§~*~§~*


	17. Starting Over

Part 17

“Absolutely incredible...”

“Rebecca, Nathan I’d like you to meet President Josiah Bartlet and his wife, Dr. Abigail Bartlet.

Sir, ma’am – this is my sister-in-law, Rebecca Ziegler, her son Nathan, and this” walking toward CJ, “is my niece, Catherine Joan, we call her CJ.”

Abbey said, “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. Please, it’s Abbey and Jed, while you’re here.” Abbey stepped forward, “May I call you Becky?”

Becky nodded nervously and looked for CJ, who put her niece down, and began to step forward. “Abbey, don’t…”

Abbey waved her off. “I don’t bite, and certainly didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just we have always considered CJ a daughter, but knew nothing about this part of her life. I was hoping you could fill me in.” She smiled.

“Excuse me. Please.” CJ headed toward the pond.

“It seems, as my daughters would say, ‘I blew it.’ Please, forgive me. Mr. Bartkite will take care of you.” Abbey laughed.

Joanie ran to her uncle, and gave him a big hug. “Did I do something wrong? She just started crying.”

“You did nothing wrong, Princess.” Toby watched with concern, as his fiancée disappeared over the hill. “Now, CJ. This is Mr. Bartkite.” Toby smiled.

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Jed smiled. “Why don’t we make that Uncle Jed? It’s so much easier.”

~§~*~§~*

Abbey found CJ by the pond, sitting in a patch of sun crying, with her head on her knees. “CJ? Honey, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to say anything...”

{Sniff} “You didn’t.”

“CJ? I need you to look at me – talk to me. It’s Abbey – we always talk. What happened back there?” Abbey lifted CJ’s head so she could see her face. For the first time in her life, CJ Cregg – former Press Secretary, and Chief of Staff of the White House, looked like a lost little girl.

“I... I truly don’t know how to explain it. Josh once said Jed thought of me as a daughter. I thought he meant in the White House – he didn’t want anyone to hurt me – professionally.”

As I’ve told you, my mother died when I was a child, Becca’s was the only family I knew. My brothers stayed with Dad. They were hurting me but my father didn’t know whom to believe.

After college, her mother died, but Becca and I still had each other. I moved away but we were still in touch. When Becca married David, Toby and I reconnected and my family was redefined again. Then the call and I was on my own.

When I returned to work on the campaign, I never expected to find a family again – political or otherwise. As I said, I knew how Jed felt – I guess I just never heard it out of your mouth. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? Apparently, we are the ones to blame. Neither of us ever told you about Clarissa Jane, also called CJ.”

CJ’s eyes widened, as she shook her head.

~§~*~§~*

“CJ was our oldest girl, born a few years before Elizabeth. She was named after Jed’s mother, and even had her red hair. She was stubborn, feisty, and had a will of her own. In her father’s eyes, she could do anything.

After five years, I became pregnant with Elizabeth. I was baby shopping, while Jed watched Clarissa.”

Abbey took a deep ragged breath, “She loved to climb this tree. Jed told her not to go too far up; being her usual defiant self, CJ didn’t listen. She was swinging from the top branch showing off, when it broke. There used to be a huge rock right here,” Abbey said as she began to tear. “Jed said it was a bloodcurdling scream like he’d never heard. He ran to her as quickly as he could, scooped her up in his arms – and made a beeline for the hospital. It was too late.”

After Abbey composed herself she continued, “When you started with the campaign, we were dumbstruck. Not only did you look like Clarissa, but would be about the same age, and shared her nickname.

Each night, Jed to come to the Residence and tell stories about how you handled certain situations – and how our CJ would do the same thing.

You’ll never know how much you mean to us. It is beyond words. You saved Jed – in private, he’d been nothing but a mass of guilt.

I’m sorry it took us this long to explain. We should have done it immediately. We love you very much.”

CJ held Abbey, as they cried for children and time lost.

~§~*~§~*

Jed excused himself, when Abbey and CJ hadn’t returned within a half-hour. “Toby, will you hold down the fort – I need to check on my wife and CJ?”

“Can go with you, Uncle Jed? Please?”

After caressing, the little girl’s cheek, he said, “No Honey, I need you to stay here with your mom and uncle. I’ll take you on a tour later – I promise.”

~§~*~§~*

Jed smiled, as he approached the pond. “There you are! I was getting worried.”

“Jackass” Abbey said through tears.

“What did I do this time?”

“We never talked about Clarissa.” Abbey said, as she approached.

Jed opened his arms, as Abbey fell into them, and cried new tears.

As soon as she recovered, Jed said, “Will you return to our guests please? I have some unfinished business here.” After smoothing her tear tracks try, he kissed his wife. “I love you.”

“You too…Jethro.”

Jed stooped down, “Claudia Jean? I’m sorry. You deserve better – deserved better. I wasn’t fair. I should have told you about CJ. Should have said how proud I was of you. How proud I am of you.

It was those days, however, that were the most difficult. To explain why I was proud – would also mean telling you about Clarissa. I just couldn’t face it, and I should have.

I do not know what I would have done these last 8 years without you. I know I gave you a hard time, when you became Chief of Staff. That was unfair. The way you stuck up to me, to Abbey – was exactly what you should have done. I knew – it’s just I blame myself over Leo and I’m afraid, I took it out on you.

Abbey and I have been talking. Leo lost Jenny because he was too busy keeping the country running. I don’t want you to lose Toby for the same reason. Do what you need to do… Cliff will handle things for 3 weeks. Marriage is the biggest jump there is…don’t believe anyone who says otherwise. Without Abbey, this would not be the same. The Presidency is 4-8 years. Marriage is a lifetime if you have the right person – and there is no doubt of that.

All of you are family. However, you Claudia hold a special place.” He opened his arms, and held her. “I love you. We love you.” Jed cupped her face, and brushed the hair out of her eyes. “When you set the date, please know we would be privileged to host your wedding.”

“Thank you Sir – Jed. I’m sure I speak for Toby, when I say nothing would make us happier.

The chance to be a part of your family, political and otherwise has been a true blessing. It filled the void in life I’d forgotten was there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” 

~§~*~§~*

As they approached the house, the screen door flew open, and CJ came running out, “Aunt CJ!”

“Hey, Monkey!” She said as she stooped, scooping little girl into her arms. “Where is your mom?”

“Mom is right here.” Becky said, with a laugh. After taking a good look at CJ, she said, “Joanie, Sweetheart – why don’t you go with Uncle Jed for a while? I need to talk to Aunt CJ.”

Jed’s face lit up as he held out his arms, “I’ll take you on the tour I promised.”

~§~*~§~*


	18. Starting Over

Part 18

Becky gave her daughter a kiss. “Have a good time, I’ll see you when you return.”

CJ said, “Come here Monkey, and give me one more hug. I love you.”

“You too.”

“You two stay out of trouble, I don’t want Will to have to spin any unusual injuries.” Abbey laughed.

“You take all the fun out of my vacation – but I’ll be good…” as Jed walked over to Abbey, he whispered, “However, later, I will be even better – I love you.”

~§~*~§~*

“Where did Nathan go?”

Toby is giving him the royal tour... to distract himself. If I know Toby... he’s worried about you. He is not the only one. What’s going on? Come on, give.”

“Abbey considers me a daughter.” CJ smiled, “I knew how Jed felt, just not that Abbey reciprocated it. Their eldest daughter was also CJ...”

“Who couldn’t love you? Why are you surprised? Nathan adores you. He always has.” Becky laughed, “My daughter? You saw her... who did she run to first – not Uncle Toby. Her Aunt CJ.

You have such a tremendous capacity to love, and be loved. Don’t hide from it. I have seen you build walls – been on the other side.”

“Becky, I…”

“Don’t get me wrong, they’re down, and I’m grateful. However, I know the look. I saw the same one, right before you left for California.

If you run, I will find you. This time, I won’t be the only one you leave. Toby loves you, my kids love you – the Bartlets love you.

Your father was a fool – now he…” Becky looked down at the ground. “…Can’t remember you,” she said quietly. Don’t feel guilty for letting yourself be loved as you always should have been.”

“Becca, I don’t know.”

~§~*~§~*

Becky stopped. “Claudia Jean Cregg. Don’t even try to say that, you didn’t know Toby was going to propose that night. That you weren’t in love with him since the night of my rehearsal dinner...”

“Since Buchanan’s campaign.”

“You…you were the intern who vanished.” Becky smiled.

“I was. We argued, and the only way he could shut me up, was to kiss me. I became so excited… I... it scared me. No one had ever done that before.

I did run – twice. I will never run again – not from you or Toby.”

“What about the Bartlets? Jeannie, they love you as much as we do. They lost one daughter – don’t make them lose two.”

“When Mama died, I swore...”

“Oh my God. Honey, she would want you to be happy. I can guarantee you; your mother would want you to be loved by as many people as possible.”

“Daddy doesn’t know me anymore. I can’t face it when that happens to Jed. I just can’t lose another set of parents.” CJ cried.

“Well, you have them now. Yes, it’s true. The MS will eventually take Jed. So, let them love you, while they can. I will guarantee you that Abbey will need you afterwards. They both need you now – they love you Claudia. They don’t love that woman who reminds them of their daughter – the Bartlets love you.”

“Jed told me they would be honored to host the wedding, once we set the date. I told him nothing would make us happier. Why do I feel so guilty? Mama is dead, and Dad is out of it – so I’m looking for new parents.”

“It’s nothing like that and you know it. Abbey and Jed will never replace your parents. They wouldn’t try. However, you do need someone – besides us.

Before your mother died, she asked Mama to look out for you.” Becky brushed her hair off CJ’s face, “When Mama passed, she asked me to look out for you. Now, I’m not dying – I’m asking to let Jed and Abbey in. They do love you, I can see it in their eyes – they have good taste.”

CJ smiled, “David wrote to me before he died. He asked me to watch out for you and CJ, ‘Nathan would be a harder nut to crack, but just keep at him.’”

“After you left? I spent the night in the study. I wore one of his old shirts, so I could feel his arms around me. I could really feel him – actually heard his voice telling me he loved me.” Becky cried.

As CJ open her arms, she drew Becky into a hug and held her. “Oh, Becca...SShh... It’s okay.”

When she stopped crying, Becky said, “let’s head to the house. Maybe Toby and Nathan will be back.”

“Yes, and you still need to meet Josh and Sam – excuse me, Congressman Seaborn.”

Becky froze. “I’m coming face-to-face with Congressman Seaborn?”

CJ smiled, “He does not bite, and I refuse to admit you’re star struck! Now, come on.”

~§~*~§~*


	19. Starting Over

Part 19

“Nathan? This is Sam Seaborn, Congressman Sam Seaborn. Sam, this is my nephew Nathan.”

“Nice to meet you, Congressman.”

“Sam – please. Outside of Washington, call me Sam. It’s still a little daunting.”

“This coming from the man who, tempted the Wrath of the Whatever from High atop the Thing on Election Day!”

“Wow, you have guts. The last time I tempted the wrath, I had to...”

Sam smiled, “Go outside turn around three times, and spit.”

Josh entered smiling, “I told you – you have to curse and spit. These things have a half-life.” 

Toby laughed, “Nathan? I would like you to meet Josh Lyman…”

As CJ entered she said, “The only man I know, who could invent and then deny approval of the President’s Secret Plan to Fight Inflation.”

Nathan smiled and said, “Sam, I’d like you to meet my mother...”

Sam stood as he whispered, “Rebecca…”

“Sam. Hello.”

Silence enveloped the room, as the pair stared at each other. “I was sorry to hear about David...”

“David. Yes, thank you. Excuse me please.” Becky dashed from the room.

“Nate, honey? Will you see if Aunt Abbey needs help with anything in preparation for tonight – take Josh with you – we need to talk to Sam.”

“Yes, Aunt CJ.”

CJ waited until the door closed behind them. “Samuel, what the hell is going on? I love you, but she’s my sister. Tell me now.” CJ said through gritted teeth.

“She was working with Lisa. I would go by on my lunch breaks. I knew she had a boyfriend, but it was nothing serious. Most of the time, Lisa was there, but...”

“Oh my God! Sam, I love you, but so help me, I could kill you right now! Toby? If we aren’t back in half an hour – come looking. Until then, please keep him out of trouble.

I love you, always and forever remember that.” CJ kissed Toby, on the top of his head, and left.

~§~*~§~*

“Here you are. Somehow, I thought you would end up in the swing.” CJ smiled at Becky.

“I always have loved them, haven’t I?”

CJ smiled again, “Always. May I sit down? We talked to Sam. Was he the one you wrote me about?”

Becky nodded. “It was just one time. I don’t know what made me do it, but I told David that night. What I did to deserve someone as understanding as David, I’m not sure. It was then he must have realized I needed more than a picture on my desk. The next night, we had dinner on the patio and he proposed. It was followed by one of the most beautiful nights of lovemaking I’ve ever experienced. When the pregnancy test was positive, he didn’t want to know. ‘The child will be a Ziegler and that’s all that matters.’”

CJ pulled Becky onto her shoulder, “Honey? You ran just now. That’s my department. I understand the past. Trust me… but something happened in there. Talk to me.”

“For one brief minute – there was no one else in the room. It wasn’t until Sam mentioned David; I realized I’d forgotten him.

I forgot my husband Jeannie, my God! How could I?”

He’s in the stars, Becca. Stars go on, for all eternity, and oh, how he loved Space.”

“Yes, he did. However, he just gave up. I don’t understand. David was never one to forfeit – the most competitive man known on Earth.”

“He didn’t forfeit – he really didn’t – I promise. I need you to look at me, and listen very carefully.” As CJ took Becky’s face in her hands, she continued, “In the same letter where he asked me to take care of you, he told me he had prayed. His mother’s death was long and painful and he just couldn’t do it to you. He did pray, and although it’s hard to believe, I know he did what he thought was right. David loved you, all of you so much. You were so very lucky.”

“Hey,” Becky said as she wiped her eyes, “We are both lucky. The Ziegler men were born with an unlimited capacity for love. Don’t ask me how it happened, but it did – we are blessed. What am I going to do about tonight? I’m so nervous.”

“Hey, like I said, Sam does not bite. I know him, he would never pressure you – he may have in the past, but Sam has changed. You will always love David – always. His name will be said, and you’ll go soft. Sam can and will be there for you. New Year’s Eve, everyone kisses everyone. It could be platonic, and could not – but Sam will give you time.

Understand me when I say I am not advocating jumping into bed with him at 12:01 a.m., but you can try out a midnight kiss. See what happens.”

~§~*~§~*


	20. Starting Over

Part 20

“Ladies.”

“Samuel” CJ said as she stood.

“Jeannie, don’t –”

“I won’t hurt him – yet.

Don’t upset her, Congressman. It’s been a long time since you’ve incurred one of my smack downs…don’t break the streak. Fix it – now.” CJ said.

“Toby and I will be in the kitchen Sweetheart, call if you need us.”

Becky nodded and once the screen door slammed behind CJ, she whispered, “Sam. I didn’t think you’d be here. How have you been?” 

“I thought the White House was chaotic...” Sam smiled. “You look wonderful.”

“Nathan and CJ keep me busy.” She laughed, “Before you say another word, not Claudia Jean – Catherine Joan, my daughter.” With a laugh she continued, “It was the look in your eye – the one of total confusion… and then of course, there’s always David...”

~§~*~§~*

“I never knew you were Toby’s Becky. He didn’t have pictures around – except of the kids. If he had I would have...”

“Would have what? Would you have written a sympathy note from Congressman Seaborn with your signature cranked out by autopen? Or would have it been more personal – along the lines of what we used to say in the office – if there was no David, if there was no Lisa... that would have looked really good!”

“Rebecca... I –”

“Don’t touch me, Sam! If you touch me, I’ll forget... forget him.” She stood and began to pace.

“Becky, I’m so confused right now. What are you talking about?” Sam smiled, “If you come sit on swing, and talk to me – maybe I could help. I want to help.”

~§~*~§~*

“When I saw you this morning, when you said my name, the last 18 years vanished. Sam, I forgot my husband – I can’t forget him – don’t you understand?”

“I would never ask you to forget him. I will never let you forget him... I always wondered if you two were happy...”

“Very much – I told him what happened. He was troubled more than hurt. David proposed to me the next night. We were married at Thanksgiving, and Nathan was born the following May.”

Sam’s eyes widened.

“He never wanted to know. There was a chance, and that’s all he needed, all he wanted.”

“You had quite the husband.”

“I was very lucky. He also gave me a beautiful daughter.”

“CJ” Sam laughed. “Coincidence?”

Becky laughed, “Hardly. We are like sisters. CJ and I have been best friends since first grade. When she was 13, CJ came to live with my family. We went all the way through college together.

When I married David, she returned for the wedding, and fell in love with Toby. We became family again. Then the call came for her to go to California – and she took it.

Even after she started to work for Jed, we were distant. I should have called after Rosslyn – but I couldn’t. Toby told me Jeannie was safe and that someone had pushed her down. I thought it was too late by then.

We really didn’t get back on solid ground until after Mr. McGarry died. As long as I live, I will be indebted to the person who saved her life at Rosslyn... why am I pouring my heart out to you?”

“If it makes you nervous, just think of it as answering some questions. My life has been open book – yours, not so much.” He laughed. “Except there’s one thing you don’t know...”

~§~*~§~*

“Mama! Uncle Jed took me on a tour, I even got a... hi...”

“Hi yourself. You must be CJ.”

CJ stared at her mother with a confused look.

“It’s okay Joanie, he worked with Uncle Toby and Aunt CJ.”

“I’m Sam” he smiled.

Just then, CJ stepped out on the porch. “CC—JJ! Come on Monkey! Aunt Abbey, and I are going to cook, and I need an assistant.”

Becky laughed, “Assistant nothing – what she needs is a sous-chef – remember how good Uncle Toby is in the kitchen? Well, Aunt CJ’s the complete opposite. Remember what I taught you, now go.”

“Coming!” Joanie flew off the porch, and into CJ’s waiting arms.

“It’s unreal... Claudia Jean isn’t related?”

“Not by blood. You would never guess they have known each other only two weeks.” Becky took a breath, “Sam? What don’t I know?”

~§~*~§~*

“I…”

“Sam? I was wondering if... oh, I’m sorry – did I interrupt something?” Jed smiled.

They leapt from the swing. “Jed. Becky and I knew each other in New York. We were catching up.”

Jed asked, “So, you knew Toby before the campaign?”

“No Sir. Becky worked with Lisa and hadn’t married David.”

“Becky? May I steal Sam – we haven’t had a real visit yet.” He smiled, “Your daughter is in the kitchen with CJ and Abbey making a mess – and loving every minute of it. Why don’t you join them?” Jed laughed.

Becky rolled her eyes, “Like two peas in a pod. I’m off.”

After several minutes of silence, Jed laughed, “So, I know this is none of my business... but you’re on my land – so I’m making it my business.

I was talking to Toby. He said Becky ran out, when she saw you this morning. I know that there was yelling you could hear from the barn. Mind you, not word for word, but distinctly raised voices. What happened? I will listen, and not judge.”

~§~*~§~*


	21. Starting Over

Part 21

11:45 p.m., December 31

“Mama? When Uncle Jed and I were down at the barn, we found a bed – can I stay down there tonight?”

CJ and Toby turned beet red, as the rest of the adults laughed. “I believe CJ and Toby are on snake patrol.” Abbey snickered. “Why don’t you stay here with us in one of the girl’s rooms?”

“Is it okay Mom?” CJ asked earnestly.

Becky smiled, “That’s fine. Thank you Abbey. What do you say Joanie?”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you Aunt Abbey!”

Jed smiled, “Nathan. I always start out the year by watching ‘The Lion in Winter’, would like to join me? Abbey usually goes to bed. You can sack out on one of the other rooms afterwards, so you won’t disturb your mom.” Jed smiled.

“That sounds perfect. Thank you.”

“Perfectly boring.” Toby, Josh and Sam mumbled together.

Jed laughed, “If either of you were still on my staff, you would have to explain that comment!”

As he held out his hand to Joanie, Jed said, “CJ dear, it’s almost midnight. I need your help.”

“Oh, Jed! Not that!”

“It’s tradition. Each year, the youngest child helps with the honors.”

“It’s so loud.”

It’s a World War II Army issue air raid siren – of course, it’s loud – but it’s tradition. The Bartlets never break with tradition. So, CJ come with me – Nathan, it does take an awful lot of strength, do you think you can help?”

“Yes, Sir.”

As Jed put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, he whispered, “You have a conversation to finish. She needs to know. Nothing has to happen, however, she needs to know.”

Abbey cleared her throat and laughed, “Okay, I suppose we should get this over with – everyone out front.”

As they counted down to midnight, the night air was filled with the sound of the siren. “It is why our neighbors, love us so much.” Abbey said wryly.

As Toby kissed CJ, he pulled a long, sharp, hairpin out of her hair, and watched as it dropped around her shoulders. “You know, I’ve always loved your hair down.”

“I do.” She said with a wicked smile, “I would hold onto that – you never know when a hairpin will come in handy.”

“What are you up to Jeano?”

“About 6 feet. You set up our hideaway, now let me do this. I love you, Zack. Give me 10 minutes.”

New Year’s kisses were shared, as everyone dispersed. Abbey pulled CJ aside, “Everything is set. They were delivered this afternoon. Be good. I love you.”

As CJ hugged Abbey, she said, “Goodnight. I love you too – thank you for everything and I do mean, everything.”

As CJ looked for Becky, she saw Sam, leading her back to the Guesthouse. CJ gazed up to Heaven and said a silent prayer that everything go well.

~§~*~§~*

“Sam? You brought me here, because you needed to talk – but you’ve been so quiet.”

“I need you to know something, well, a couple of things. The problem is I’m not sure you ready to hear all of it. You said you needed time, and I want to give all the space you need.”

“Sam? What’s going on?”

“First, and I guess the least stress inducing is I was ‘the man at the place.’”

“In English, Sam, in English” Becky smiled.

“I was the man at the place, who did the thing.” Sam grinned. 

“Boy, you really do work for the government – in very small sentences Sam – what did you just say?”

“Rosslyn. CJ. I was the man.”

Becky’s hand flew over her mouth as she stifled tears. “You... CJ... Rosslyn? Really – oh, Sam – I…” she began to approach.

“Becky, don’t. Listen first. I don’t quite know how to say this.” His voice dropped a register and he continued, “I know you love David, part of you always will. I know it’s too soon, but I just found you this morning.

Tomorrow, I’ll return to Washington, and it will be too late. Please just let me say this. Since that day, it has only been you. If you’d come and said you’re pregnant, I would have been the happiest man on Earth. That privilege belonged to David.

I will give you as much time as you need. We can write letters, e-mails, I will even take the red-eye up, and take you out on the town. We will go at your pace – if at all. I do love you.” Sam stepped off the porch, and started toward the house.

“Sam, wait – don’t go yet. I need to tell you a few things as well. You were there during times, you do not realize. When I felt least loved in the world, you took me in your arms, and I was a goddess.

I loved David with all my heart, but if given a lie detector test, there’s one thing I have to admit. Briefly, when he proposed, my one regret was David wasn’t you.

We were very happy – he turned out to be the love my life. When he died, I was lost. The kids kept me going.

You saved Jeannie, brought her back to me – and in the end, you made it possible. Who would have thunk it?

When I saw you this morning, 18 years melted away. You and I were the only two in the room, when you mentioned David – I became scared. I was scared not of you, but the ability to forget my husband so quickly, and easily.

Don’t go, Sam. I don’t want to be alone. I’m not ready for anything physical, but, if you could just hold me, and let me talk about David for a while... let me not forget...”

She began to cry, “I can’t stand it, if the price of loving you is forgetting him.”

“SShh, I have you. Let’s go inside, sit down, and we will take it nice and easy. If I start moving too fast – say the word. It’s nice to know we have the same goal in mind. After kissing her softly on the lips, he whispered, “Happy New Year, Becca.” 

~§~*~§~*

Toby entered the barn and heard ‘Endless Love’ drifting through the stable. “Claude? Are you here?”

“No, Pokey – the music is playing itself.” She laughed, “get over here – I’m cold.”

“I am only a couple of minutes late – you couldn’t be – Oh… My... God.” Those were the last words uttered by Toby Ziegler for quite some time. He gaped. Before him, lay CJ, covered in nothing except red, white, and blue balloons.

~§~*~§~*


	22. Starting Over

Part 22

CJ laughed, “Earth to Ziegler, come in Ziegler. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to try to find me under all this – and then... why am I telling you? You can certainly figure it out.”

“Yes, I most certainly can. My question is how cold are you.”

“I’m warming up with you here.” She smiled, “Aren’t you hot?”

“Hotter by the minute.”

“Zack? Come here,” grabbing him by the collar she continued, “You may think the reverse is true – but tonight, you are mine.” After giving him a deep kiss, she said softly, “Abbey left me a present. Do you want to change?”

“Your present?”

“Yes. I have your present on under this,” she said, waving her hands over her body. “No fights, just put on what is in the package.” CJ smiled wickedly.

“I’ll be right back.” Toby took the package and backtracked a few steps. “Jeano? You did this to me!”

“Just put it on and get back here – I’m getting cold without you,” CJ laughed.

Toby emerged, wearing Oscar the Grouch boxers. 

“My lovable curmudgeon, you look so hot.” CJ purred. “I need you – now.”

Toby stammered, “You have my present?”

CJ smiled, “I do, and they’re chocolate.”

“So, if I start up at the top, I get... and if I start at the bottom...”

“Of course, you’re forgetting an option ... lose the needle – less noise, and time. Oh, and I have another present, this one is from me.” CJ produced a bottle of champagne. “To ‘use any way you’d like’.” She smiled, “Don’t worry. I have a stash of my own – as well as some for later.”

~§~*~§~*

“How?” Toby asked wide-eyed. “I’m grateful, but...”

“If you knew all my secrets... there would be no surprises.” CJ beamed, “Now, I really need you to make up your mind.”

“Permission to do away with the hairpin?”

“Permission granted.” CJ giggled as Toby reverently placed the hairpin somewhere neither one of them would get hurt later.

“Now, first I would like to do some private polling, the champagne please. Close your eyes, and be a good girl. You will have a chance to be bad, later.” Toby whispered into her ear, “Where are you most responsive? On your neck?” He dribbled the champagne until it pooled at the center of her collarbone, and then he began his work.

“Toby…”

“I’m sorry, he’s not here tonight.”

“Zack,” she said softly.

“You called?” He smiled wickedly.

“MMmm, that was delicious.” CJ said, after kissing him deeply. “Will you be bad for me?”

“Always and forever…now, if you will kindly let me get back to my experiment.” Toby laughed, as he kissed her nose.

~§~*~§~*

The silent attack on her senses continued, as he dribbled champagne down her body – then tortured her slowly as he continued to lick it off.

“Jeano” he whispered, as he kissed her thigh. “You made quite a mess...”

“I told you I was hot.” CJ whined.

“So, you did.” Toby chuckled.

“I guess, being your usual anal retentive self, you will insist on cleaning as you go.” CJ giggled.

“Close your eyes and relax.”{This is going to take some extra preparation.} Toby shed his boxers quickly, and started to work.

After a few minutes, CJ couldn’t contain herself anymore and cried: “Toby, I need you!”

“I told you – he isn’t here!” Toby smiled sweetly.

“Za—ck…” CJ said softly, “please?”

~§~*~§~*

He smeared his face, around her lower stomach, and made his way toward her. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself – your face is a mess.” CJ giggled.

“This is where you help me clean up.” Toby grinned.

“You seem to be under the impression, you are in control!” As she took Toby’s hands, CJ held them over his head and flipped them over. “Ziegler – you’re mine.”

“I didn’t even get to –”

“Later, there’s always later.” CJ smiled, and licked his face clean, moaning her satisfaction. As she gave him a long, tender kiss, CJ headed south, with her supply of champagne. 

~§~*~§~*

Upon reaching his scar, CJ poured champagne on it, and proceeded to suck, and lick. Toby moaned and pulled CJ to his face. “You know you’re incredible right?”

“Thank you – so I’ve heard” CJ said quietly, as she smiled and concentrated on his chest. She placed her chin on her hands and said, “Are you still ready?”

“My scar, just one more time. I could fly us back to New York tonight.” Toby laughed.

As she obeyed, Toby moaned, “Jeano, I need you – now.”

As they fell into a rhythm, it didn’t take long to be satisfied.

CJ screamed Toby’s name at the top of her lungs.

“I told you, he wasn’t here tonight,” Toby laughed.

“Zack may have been responsible for the foreplay, but you are the only one who does that to me.” As she kissed him gently CJ said, “I love you, Tobias Zachary Ziegler – always and forever.”

“You are and have always been the only one for me, Claudia Jean Cregg, I love you more than I can ever express.” After returning her kiss, they relaxed in each other’s arms.

~§~*~§~*

Up at the main house, Abbey and Jed lay chuckling, “It sounds as if our CJ found quite the snake.” They held each other, and drifted off to sleep

~§~*~§~*


	23. Starting Over

Part 23

“I’m crazy about the roundness of your head.” CJ laughed, “You’re so sticky!”

“Now, that is the pot calling the kettle black if I ever heard it!” Toby chuckled, “It was all your doing.”

“I have a plan.” CJ grinned.

“Your plan is how we got this way! No, now Team Toby is in charge.”

“No. Team Toby was for wooing Andi.”

“Team Tobs?”

CJ nodded.

“We will consider that Phase 1. This is Phase 2. Do you trust me?” Toby asked.

“Always and forever – remember?”

“Yes.” Toby said softly. As he gave her a tender kiss, he continued, “Put on your clothes, shut your eyes and follow me.”

“If my eyes are shut, just how is it I’m supposed to follow you?” CJ smirked.

~§~*~§~*

“Point taken – put on your clothes, shut your eyes and give me your hand.”

“I’m tired... you made me tired.” She whined.

“I did, didn’t I?” Toby gave a soul-melting smile. “I will let you rest for a while. I promise, but first, I need you to follow me.” He said softly.

“Zack...”

“Yes, Angel?”

“You used to be able to carry me...”

Toby rolled his eyes, “Will you shut your eyes and be a good girl?”

“As good as I can be.”

~§~*~§~*

Toby bent down, scooped her in his arms, and laughed. “You’re lazy.”

CJ tucked her head on his shoulder, “What you say is true, however. I also love you. This always reminds me of... do you ever wonder what would have happened.”

“I do – everyday of my life. I remember we had a fight that morning. I told you it was bad timing...” Toby took a deep breath, “When I returned to find you lying in a pool of blood – my heart stopped. Once I could move, I scooped you in my arms and prayed to God I not lose you.” Toby choked, “Claude, I need you to look at me.” CJ opened her eyes and saw the tears threatening to fall. “We need to finish this conversation later, when we won’t freeze to death.”

“Toby? Put me down for a minute, and listen.” As CJ brushed the unshed tears from his eyes, she continued, “Baby, we will finish this conversation later. Right now, I need you to remember how very much I love you – always have loved you.” She placed her head down on Toby’s shoulder, and continued, “You may proceed.”

~§~*~§~*

After kissing her firmly on the mouth, Toby picked her up in his arms, and continued walking. “We are here. The first stop.” As they stepped in to the canoe, he placed CJ on the seat, and grabbed the oars. Upon reaching the other side, he reversed the process.

“Tobs? Where are we?” 

“Paradise…. Here we are, now, let’s get rid of the sticky clothes. Now that’s over with – take my hand.

Nathan and I found this during our walk – I thought it would be perfect for tonight. Just trust me... okay, open your eyes.”

As she looked around, CJ saw a quaint cottage; it looked warm and cozy inside. In front of her was a very tempting hot tub. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Just making sure you get into one body of water safe and so—.” Suddenly, Toby lost his footing. As he fell backwards, Toby grabbed her hand and took CJ with him.

When they both literally came up for air, they were laughing hysterically.

“Tobs? You were saying something?”

After a couple of beats he said, “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you freshly soaked... God, you’re still breathtaking…!”

~§~*~§~*

After they climbed into the seat of the hot tub, CJ said, “Toby? I’ll let you not keep your hands to yourself later. First, we have a discussion to finish.” CJ laughed.

“That morning, when you said you were... we were pregnant, I got scared, and hid behind the campaign. I still can’t believe I said those things... when I returned to apologize you were on the floor. I was beyond frightened. You were still breathing; I scooped you up and ran as fast as I could to the car, praying the entire time.”

“Baby? Nothing was your fault. Look at me.” CJ took his face in her hands, and continued, “It was bad timing – not the pregnancy, the fight. About an hour after you left, I started to cramp. I couldn’t make it as far as the bedroom.” CJ held his gaze steady with hers, “I was so scared. It happened so fast – blood was everywhere. It was only a few minutes later you returned. When you picked me up, I knew it was going to be okay. I always felt – no; feel safe in your arms. Whether the wedding, Rosslyn, the hospital, or the sniper – I knew. I’ve always known.”

Toby pulled her into his arms, and kissed CJ deeply.

“Before you get too carried away the there, Romeo. I don’t think it too wise, to let this go any further in Jed and Abbey’s Jacuzzi – especially at the end of a holiday week!” CJ gave a full-throated laugh.

His eyes glimmered as Toby stepped out of the Jacuzzi, taking her hand. This time, she lost her footing – but before pulling him with her, let go. When CJ came up she whispered, “You like me ‘freshly soaked’, if I remember.” Then she climbed out.

After dressing in terrycloth robes, they headed for the house. Upon stepping inside, CJ was mesmerized. There was a fire set, a sofa with two comforters, a table spread with food, two sets of dry clothes, and a bed strewn with purple rose petals.

“Where to start?” CJ asked.

~§~*~§~*

“How about the sofa? I still need to talk.” Toby said quietly.

“Toby?” CJ asked.

After lighting the fire, Toby wrapped himself in a comforter and cuddled with CJ. “When you returned to California, again – it wasn’t just you didn’t fight...” Toby gazed deep into the fire. He breathed, “I thought you blamed me.”

“Zack? It was not you – never you. It was a horrible accident. When you told me to go, I thought you blamed me – I thought you’d be happy the baby was gone, but I still thought you blamed me for getting pregnant in the first place. I didn’t... I ran as fast and as far as I could.”

“My God, the mistakes we made. I’d give anything to have that day back.”

“Me too.” As CJ curled on the sofa and kissed the top of his head, she whispered, “What would you change?”

“Are you kidding me? I would have started by screaming in joy and not anger. I wouldn’t have left you.” He brushed her cheek, “Children together, would have been beyond incredible.” He whispered to her. CJ became very quite as she shook. “Jeano? Angel, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just hold me. I thought – I really thought you didn’t want to have children with me. So, when Andi became pregnant – I...”

“Oh, Claude – SShh, it’s going to be okay – I love you, and only you. Andrea and I, at one time wanted a family, it’s true. We couldn’t do it by natural means. A few years ago, she decided to try one more time. We had some ‘stuff’ leftover from the last time. I promise you, there is nothing between us physically. Huck and Molly will always be a part of me. That fact has absolutely no bearing on whether or not, I have children with you – it’s always been my dream… No matter how often I try to tell you, you will never understand exactly how much I love you.”

CJ raised her head with a mischievous grin, “Tobs, do you want to practice?”

~§~*~§~*

Toby stood, and while grinning, took CJ’s hands and led her toward the bed. “They do say practice makes perfect.”

“What do the purple roses mean?” CJ asked, as he laid her on the bed.

“For real? Or to me? Toby asked with a smile.

“Both, in order please.” CJ smiled.

“My mother always told me, the purple rose meant first love. To me, it means my only true love.”

“Toby…” she breathed.

The rest of the night, they made the sweetest, slowest, and yet, most passionate love they had in 20 years.

~§~*~§~*


	24. Starting Over

Part 24

CJ awoke to find Toby asleep in her arms. After kissing him tenderly on the head, she whispered, “I thought you enjoyed watching me sleep?”

“I do, but even the Energizer Bunny gives out eventually.” He laughed. Then, his voice dropped a register, as he became more serious. “I knew you wouldn’t try to run away.”

“Tobias Zachary Ziegler – look at me. You actually thought I would run?”

“For the last 8 years, I’ve lived with that fear. Do you really think I stopped by every morning, and called every night just to say hello? It was because I was never sure if you were coming back. I’d go home at night, and replay the day – making sure, I hadn’t said anything to make you remember... remember how hurtful...”

“Toby, you really thought…I’m a big girl – I knew what I was doing… swore to myself when you came to California – if I took this job, I wouldn’t run. I would try to remember it was only a job. A job you thought I could do…if I was upset all I would have to do is look in your eyes.”

“I –”

“Toby, look…”

CJ and Toby were dumbstruck, as they watched the most glorious sunrise while nestled in each other’s arms.

After several minutes, CJ smiled and as she kissed him on the head, whispered, “We better get back – people will be starting to get up – farms operate early.”

“Yes, and I suppose Jed and Abbey need to get back. There’s only so much grace period, for the President.”

~§~*~§~*

CJ entered, to find Abbey nursing her morning coffee. “Good Morning, Claudia Jean.”

“Abbey.” She nodded to her friend.

“I heard you found quite a big snake last night.”

CJ choked, “More than once.” She smiled.

“Any water moccasins?”

CJ smiled sweetly, “It was too cold for moccasins – did find a few rattlers in the cabin though...”

Toby entered, “Good Morning” he said, kissing CJ on the cheek.

Abbey smirked, “Toby Ziegler, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you chipper without caffeine! Jed is on the porch, he would like a word.”

CJ kissed him and whispered, “They heard us last night, so best be prepared.”

Toby groaned.

~§~*~§~*

“Jed – Sir? Did you want to see me?”

“Toby, Good Morning – I heard you got quite a rise out of that snake!” Jed laughed.

“Sir? Is there some reason for this little meeting, besides discussing my late-night activities?”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Please, have a seat. I looked into the change of venue for you. You’re so close to being through – are you absolutely sure, you want to start over from scratch?”

“Sir, I don’t want to serve time in DC. My – our family is in New York. I don’t want to be away from them any longer than necessary.”

“I understand – I really do – however, for some reason Judge Gilchrist is refusing to budge an inch. The best I could do was to have him slate your sentencing for the day after tomorrow. I’m sorry Toby.”

“Thank you Sir. I appreciate the effort. If that’s all, I’m going to tell Claude.”

~§~*~§~*

Abbey looked up as Toby walked in the kitchen. “Oh dear, you have a face like thunder. What happened?”

“Jed couldn’t get the change of venue.”

Abbey walked toward Toby. As she placed her hand on his shoulder, she said, “Trust Jed. I don’t know what was said, but he seemed very optimistic – trust in him Toby, please. He would move Heaven and Earth to get you a change of venue, if that’s what he thought was best – if he wasn’t sure it would be okay.”

CJ’s caffeine kicked in, “My letter of resignation! Toby, I never signed it – my desk, my condo. Zack? We will go down there, and face what ever we have to, together.”

~§~*~§~*

Just then, Sam and Becky entered hand-in-hand.

“Good Morning you two is everything okay?” CJ asked with a grin.

“Everything is fine.” After giving Sam a kiss on the cheek, Becky headed for coffee.

“Becca? Walk with me.” CJ smiled.

Becky sighed, “Coming!” As she looked at Sam, Becky rolled her eyes and followed CJ.

After a few minutes, CJ said, “So? How did the platonic kiss go?”

~§~*~§~*

Becky was silent.

CJ grinned, “Let’s start with this – was it platonic?”

“Very.” Becky smiled.

“I’m getting wrinkles here. This is me.”

“We started by finishing a conversation from earlier in the day. He’d said there was something I needed to know. I’d told him, I would be forever grateful to the person who pushed you down at Rosslyn...

He was very sweet. He told me he had always loved me and David was a very lucky man. He knows I need time – is even willing to give it to me – but needed to say he loves me...”

As they sat on the swing, CJ asked with a broad grin, “What did you say?”

“The truth, briefly, when David proposed, my one regret was he wasn’t Sam. Then, David turned out to be the love of my life, and I needed more time.

I couldn’t do it if loving Sam, meant forgetting David. He said he would not let me forget and would leave, but I didn’t want to be alone. Sam held me – just held me while I talked about David, the kids, and you. Sam did not try anything – a perfect gentleman.

In the end, he made it possible for us to be here.” Becky began to cry, “If he hadn’t pushed you down...”

“SShh, everything is fine. I’m here, we have each other, and that’s all the matters – you don’t have bad kids, either.” CJ laughed.

“Now, we have some news. Jed couldn’t move Toby’s trial. The best he could do was moving the sentencing to January 3. As a result, we will return to Washington, and pack up my condo. {Laughs} I’ll sign my letter of resignation, and go to the sentencing – we will be back as soon as we can.”

“I’m sorry, if you think I’m letting you go through this alone – you’re nuts. We are family. The kids don’t have the back until the end of the week. We are coming with you.”

CJ’s eyes watered. “You don’t have to.”

“You forget ‘this is what we do for each other’.” Becky brushed hair out of CJ’s eyes. “You’re still operating on the assumption, that I’m not around. We used to do these things for each other. We would be there for the hard stuff – but the good stuff too. Remember, the bullies in school, when our moms died – we were there for each other. Then after David and I were married, and once you and Toby figured it out, we didn’t stop to think, because it was automatic. Neither one of us was ever more than a phone call away.”

Becky laughed, “Then came you independent streak – and now it’s hard to believe you ever had family – you’re stuck with me. Toby’s my brother-in-law, why would I let either of you do this alone? We all need a break – change of scenery for more than 24 hours.

Nathan and I will drive the car down, and see you there tomorrow.”

~§~*~§~*

“Now, wait a minute,” CJ said. “On a technicality, I’m still Chief of Staff. I’m sure Sam is flying back to Washington on Air Force One; you don’t want to miss time with him do you? Moreover, what is a better answer to the good old-fashioned question, ‘What did you do over your holiday?’ Then I spent New Year’s Eve with the President of United States, and flew on Air Force One. Nate can get a lot of mileage out of that.” CJ beamed, “Joanie would have a ball.”

“My kids aren’t the only ones who would be excited. That would be truly wonderful. Do you think Jed will say yes?”

“Are you kidding? The kids were adopted as soon as they stepped off the plane – you’re my sister – show me the problem.”

Becky beamed.

“There’s a downside to being adopted – it’ll take the pressure off me though. That’s what we do for each other, right?” CJ grinned.

“What’s the downside?”

“It’s not a what, it’s a who. Her name is Abbey.” CJ smiled, “You kissed Sam in front of her. Trust me, she wants details.” After CJ saw the horrified look on Becky’s face, she continued, “You won’t have to go into the past, if you don’t want to – Abbey will be happy – I guarantee it. Are you still game?”

“Let’s go.”

~§~*~§~*

CJ approached the deck. “Sir, I have a favor. Becky and the kids want to be there for Toby’s sentencing. Do you think they could...?”

“Say no more. As Leo would say, ‘family should stay together.’ It’s already been arranged. CJ? Toby has been looking for you... Becky? May I have a word?”

After throwing a nervous look at CJ, she said, “Yes Sir, of course.”

CJ gave her hand a squeeze, but before going inside, leaned over to Jed and whispered, “Be nice – she is scared stiff.”

“Becky, please sit. There is no need to be nervous – I don’t bite. Now, there’s a matter of Sam.” His eyes twinkled. “I hear things. I don’t want details. That’s my wife’s job.” As Jed held her gaze so he could see her eyes, he continued, “This is serious – or could become so in time? Don’t worry, he will receive the same interrogation later.” Jed laughed.

“We knew each other in New York, Sir.” Her voice became softer, “With time, I hope it will become more serious – I’m not ready yet, but –”

“Of course not. I didn’t mean to pry. Where family is concerned, I am protective. Frankly, if I could see two of my children made happy by the same person, I will be very pleased.”

“I’m sorry, Sir?” Becky’s voice went up.

“I have always considered CJ to be my daughter – from the first weeks of the campaign. In the nine years I’ve known Claudia, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her smile as much as she has in the last 24 hours. You and your children make her whole – grounded. Toby does all that too, but in a different way.

You reach places Toby can’t. Since Leo’s heart attack, a year ago, she’s been dead to most of us. Claudia Jean merely went through the motions, without really seeing or living. Toby tells me you were the one able to reach her after Leo died – for that, I will be eternally grateful.”

It was then; CJ returned to the screen door – to make sure everything was all right. She couldn’t help overhearing.

Becky smiled, “That’s what we do for each other, Sir. We are like sisters. When Jeannie left for California, something in me died. She cut off all communication. It wasn’t until they showed up in New York that Toby gave me the courage to reach out. I was so scared for her, having the job she did. To lose Toby would be bad enough – but to lose CJ and after my husband...”

Jed drew her into a hug, and let Becky cry.

~§~*~§~*


	25. Starting Over

Part 25

“Wow, this is really cool – M&Ms with the Seal of the President! The other kids won’t believe this – can I keep these?” Joanie asked earnestly.

Jed laughed, “You may keep them. Here are some more for you to eat. Claudia? Once you’re settled, may have a word? I will be in my office.”

“Yes, Sir. I’m right behind you.” After giving Toby a kiss, CJ followed Jed.

~§~*~§~*

Abbey smiled, “Becky dear? Will you join me for some tea?”

Becky sighed inwardly, “That sounds wonderful. I’ll be right there. Nathan, watch your sister – and behave.” Becky smiled at Sam, before heading in Abbey’s direction.

“So, Robin, that leaves you and me. Sit. Listen, while I talk. You and Becky – last night wasn’t the first time was it?”

“Nothing happened last night.”

“I told you to listen. When I asked you yesterday morning if you hurt her, you told me ‘not intentionally.’ What does that mean exactly?”

Sam began to relate the tale – most of it. He would leave telling Toby about Nathan – even the possibility – to Becky. “I really want to make this right Toby. I love her – will give her all the time, and space she needs – absolutely no pressure.”

Toby’s face softened, as he listened to Sam talk. “Does she feel the same way? She’s family – I have to ask.”

“She says she does, but needs time. I’m willing to wait.”

“Good luck. She’s worth keeping. Becca and CJ are two of a kind. If it works out, you will be a most fortunate man.

I am protective of my family, though – if you hurt her, you will answer to me. You know what that’s like.” Toby smiled.

~§~*~§~*

“Ma’am? You wanted to see me.”

“Oh, not ma’am – we’re not at the White House yet. Abbey – please.”

Becky smiled nervously, “Yes, of course… Abbey.”

“I know you’re very special to CJ, and it’s obvious the reverse is true as well. Right now, however, I’m interested in Sam.” She smiled sweetly, “I was told you a past together. A serious one?”

“I don’t how to answer.”

“Honestly.” Abbey smiled warmly.

Becky looked over her shoulder, to make sure the door was closed.

“Before anyone comes in, agents will bang on the door. Proceed.” 

Becky continued to tell Abbey everything. From the past, to the swing, to the kiss – for some reason, it felt natural. “I don’t know where we are headed. I know what I want to happen. I’m just not sure I’m ready.”

“Samuel Norman Seaborn is one of the kindest, gentlest and most patient people I know. He will give you time.

Now, there’s a matter of CJ. You know, she’s like daughter to us. Is there a problem? Jed told me about your conversation... we only want to help.”

“Abbey, I don’t...”

“The truth, Becky.”

“I love her with all my heart, really I do – my kids too. My world has been turned upside down in the last 7 months, and I just don’t know what’s real anymore.

We were friends for so long... sisters. Work separated us, which is normal, but we kept in touch. When she came back for the wedding – she left, but returned shortly thereafter. Jeannie told me she would never leave again. Then California... we lost all contact... until she and Toby came to New York, a couple of weeks ago. Now, it’s as if she never left.

I know seeing each other through the rough times, is what we do, don’t get me wrong...”

“This is more.”

“I was afraid they wouldn’t come back. Toby would be sentenced, and Jeannie would stay...”

Abbey sat beside Becky. “Look at me. What you do for CJ in 24 hours, no one was able to do for nine years. She loves you more than you know.

We asked her about you, she cried. That isn’t something CJ does…Have you told her all of this?”

“Bits and pieces.”

“Talk to her. If not now, soon – promise? I care what happens to her – both of you. Again, she is like a daughter to me, please.”

“I will. Thank you for listening.”

“You’re welcome Sweetheart – you make CJ and Sam happy too. You’re family – anytime you need to talk...”

Becky smiled, “Thank you Abbey.”

~§~*~§~*

“CJ, sit.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“We may be on Air Force One, but until we get back to the White House, it’s still Jed.” He smiled. “I had a talk with Becky this morning.”

“I heard some of it... I told her I’m here to stay – if she still doesn’t believe me, I don’t know what to do.”

“Claudia Jean Cregg does not run. In 9 years, I have never know known you to run.”

“I swore to myself, I wouldn’t do it. However, Jed,” she smiled, “If you recall, I tried after Haiti and you wouldn’t let me. You see, running away used to be my way of life.”

“Why?”

“Jed, I…”

“For the time being, I can still make it an Executive Order.” He smiled.

“I guess, the one that must have her the most confused – is when I dropped off the face of the Earth. Toby said they didn’t talk about me – he must not have told her anything.” CJ smiled weakly. Before Jed could continue, she spoke again: “You know Toby and I were together…”

“I hear things.” Jed smiled.

“We’d just started a campaign, when I found out I was pregnant. Toby told me the pregnancy was bad timing, and stormed out.

While he was gone, I started cramping. By the time, Toby returned – only a short while later – blood was everywhere. He scooped me up and rushed me to the hospital – it was too late to save the baby.”

CJ composed herself and continued, “A few nights later, we were in the kitchen when the phone rang. It was Trinton-Day. Toby told me very emphatically to go. I’d seen a ring – but he told me to leave. I had promised myself always to do as he wished. It never had anything to do with Becky; I just thought being married to David – drew party lines. I disappeared.”

By the time I returned, I thought it was too late. I never heard from her. I know now, that it was because my job scared her she just couldn’t bear to lose both of us. I just assumed...”

By this time, Jed had circled his desk, and was holding CJ as she talked. “You know better than to assume... what does that do?” Jed smiled.

CJ laughed, “Right.”

“Talk to her.”

“Thank you, Jed – I will, soon.”

~§~*~§~*

CJ returned to her seat. “Hey.” She sighed.

“Hey yourself, rough meeting?”

“Sort of, I need you to hold me right now. Jed talked with Becca. She doesn’t believe me Tobs. I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t give up.” As he gave CJ a kiss on her forehead, he whispered, “You can do it. I know you, your heart. My fence mender. I will take the kids to my condo tonight for pizza. You can have time alone. Remember, her world has turned upside down. First David died, you came back, Sam appeared, and now I’m about to be sentenced. She has no idea which way is up, and has been on a roller coaster since May.”

CJ approached Becca, “I, uh – hear we need to talk some more...”

Becky studied her hands, “Yeah, I guess so. Where?”

“I need to stop by the White House. Then, I’m headed to my condo.”

~§~*~§~*

Once they landed, Toby clapped his hands, “Okay – Nathan, Joanie – you’re with me. I need minions to help me pack. Aunt CJ and your mom have a lot of talking to do.”

Before they left, Abbey pulled Becky aside, caressed her cheek, and said: “Everything.”

To CJ, she said, “You’re walking out of the White House, not our lives. We love you – remember that.”

“I will – thank you.”

As CJ moved toward Jed, she said, “I’m sorry it had to end like this...”

Jed laughed, “Apparently, you’re hard of hearing, it’s not ending – only your time in the White House. Stay in touch.”

“I – we will. Thank you.”

~§~*~§~*

CJ turned on her cell phone. There was a text message: “office pckd. Boxz @ cndo. Ltr on desk, 2 b sgnd, wth Crl’s. Luv u – Us”

CJ smiled. “It seems all I have to do, is sign my letter of resignation. Are you up to $.25 tour?”

“Sounds like fun.” Becky smiled.

Joanie snapped to attention, “I wanna see the White House... please? That’s funner than pizza!”

Before anyone could react, Jed knelt down, opened his arms, and said, “Joanie, come here.”

Joanie flew into his arms, and was scooped up. As he bounced her once, he whispered something that made her smile.

“Really? That’s all I have to do and you will?”

“That’s all you have to do, do we have a deal?”

“Deal.” CJ began to squirm, “Uncle Toby? Let’s go get pizza! Can we have extra sausage?”

Toby made a face, “Leo once said, ‘there are only two things in the world you never want people to see how you make them...”

CJ and Sam chorused, “Laws and sausages.”

Toby grinned, “I’ve never cared for them since – but if that’s what you want – you shall have it.”

Becky laughed, “What did you say to her? I’ve never seen her cave so fast in my life.”

“I promised her the $5 tour – complete with people, and if her mother will agree, all three of you spending the night in the White House.”

“Sir…Jed... thank you – I don’t know what to say.”

Jed caressed her cheek. He said, “You just said it. You are family in three different directions,” he smiled. “Talk to CJ – I know she loves you very much.

Oh, CJ – do me a favor. Make sure Becky sees the Thing that goes to the Place.” Jed said with an all-knowing smile.

CJ beamed, “Is that a order, Sir?”

“An Executive one, Claudia.”

CJ smiled, “I serve at the pleasure of the President.”

~§~*~§~*


	26. Starting Over

Part 26

“What was he talking about?”

“You’ll take all the fun out of it!”

They took the scenic route past the pressroom. “No one should be here yet.” When CJ opened the door, she said, this is it – my home for 6 years. There’s nothing like being in command of an entire gaggle of journalists. 

Sometimes, I looked back there, and Toby would be watching – I’d actually get nervous – me, nervous. I had known him, how long?”

“Why would you ever want to leave?”

CJ became very quiet.

As they approached her old office, Carol was still sitting at her desk. “Carol, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if you were really going through with it.” She smiled. “I guess so.”

“Carol, you remember Becky.”

“It’s nice to see you again. I’m sorry about your husband. He was a good man.”

CJ placed her arm around Becky’s middle, and pulled her close. CJ smiled. “Becca? You met Carol when you and David visited in California.”

“Yes, of course.”

“She’s one of the best assistants ever. Are you really leaving?”

“It just wouldn’t be the same without you. Margaret is in her office, waiting to say goodbye.” After kissing CJ’s cheek, Carol said, “The Sisterhood sticks together. Keep in touch.” 

As they walked through the bullpen, CJ said, “This was Toby’s office, and once upon a time – that was Sam’s.” CJ chuckled, “Some critic dubbed them ‘the Batman and Robin of speech writing’. No one really knows why.”

As they entered her outer office, Margaret was waiting. “Margaret, this is Becky Ziegler, my best friend and...”

“Toby’s sister-in-law – I’m so very sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you, Margaret. Nice to meet you.”

“CJ? Your letter of resignation is on your desk, waiting to be signed. I started to forge it, but all I heard was Leo’s voice talking about ‘vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill’.” Margaret laughed sadly.

“Thank you Margaret – for everything. Keep in touch – let me know about the baby. Remember the Sisterhood.”

As CJ opened the door, she said, “This would be my office.”

“This is incredible, absolutely incredible. Sit behind your desk; I want to see how you look.”

CJ smiled as she sat, and signed her letter. With pen still in hand, asked, “Well?”

“Very important – why on Earth would you ever want to leave?”

“That is not a question for this office. Before we go, I have to show to you, the Thing that goes to the Place.” After opening the connecting door, she continued, “This would be the Oval Office.”

Becky was speechless. When she finally regained the ability to put a coherent sentence together, all she could say was, “Wow.”

CJ laughed, “Yeah, that’s pretty much everyone’s first impression. It’s much more imposing with the President behind the desk.”

“I bet. Toby, you, and Sam came here on a regular basis?”

“We did. Now, it’s time to go to move on – before the place starts crawling. Everyone gets a late start on New Year’s Day.”

~§~*~§~*

“This is it. What do you think? Coffee?”

“That sounds wonderful, this is an incredible home, Jeannie.”

“It’s a place to lay my head at night – when I get here. {This is not home... never was... never could be.}”

As CJ opened the cabinet, she smiled. CJ took her two favorite mugs, reached for the coffee, and turned off the machine. Before she had a chance to pour, Becky said, “I don’t know how you can even leave, you have a beautiful home, family...”

After thrusting the coffee, back in the machine, CJ spun around. Her voice rose, “Rebecca Anne Ziegler, I swear by all that is holy… if I hear that one more time… For the record, the people at the White House are extended family. Extended... you know, the people who try as hard as they can to fill this incredible void...” she grabbed the mugs off the counter, and placed them in front of Becky. “This... this is my family. For the last nine years, Toby has given me one for Christmas – I watched the kids grow up on mugs – mugs!

You, David, the kids, and Toby are my family. I’m not leaving – not again. I don’t know what I need to say to get through to you. I’m sorry, so very sorry for hurting you.”

Becky whispered, “We fought a couple of nights before you left. I said, you clung to Toby too much. You’d lost yourself in him, and needed to be more independent... I can still see your face...

The next day, Toby called – he wanted to go ring shopping. I knew then it was useless to fight – I was so happy for you.

When we picked up the ring a few days later, there was a love in Toby’s eyes I’d never seen before or since…excuse me until a few weeks ago.

You came to see me, the next day, and said you were going to California. That was the last time I ever heard from you, until I saw Toby carry you through the apartment door.”

“There’s something you don’t know, mustn’t know. When I left for California – it had nothing to do with you. CJ circled around, and took Becky’s face in her hands. “Look at me – absolutely nothing.

The morning after our conversation, I received a call from my doctor’s office. I was pregnant. When I told Toby, he said it was bad timing. We screamed – he left. Shortly thereafter, I started to cramp. It happened so fast – there was blood everywhere, I thought I was going to die. Then, Toby appeared. Scooped me in his arms, and took me to the hospital – it was too late. The baby was gone.

A few nights later, when he was going to propose – I received a phone call California. Toby told me to take it – very emphatically. I thought it was my fault. He was mad – wanted me gone. So I left.”

Becky said, “All I knew was, when you came to say goodbye, you had that flight look in your eyes. Every time the phone would ring, I expected it to be in ‘I’m OK call.’ It never came.

I realized then, how used I’d gotten to you always being there – or at least a phone call away. I had David, and Nathan, but I was still alone. For the first time in over 20 years, you weren’t there. You didn’t want to be there. I prayed for you every night – it was the only thing left.”

CJ laughed, “Can we not continue having this conversation standing up? I can’t do this much longer! How about you?”

As she smiled, Becky asked, “Where to?”

~§~*~§~*

“How about the sofa? I want to show you my prized possession.” CJ grinned. “Toby made this for me – I don’t know where he found the time...”

“This is incredible. Toby? Our Toby – did this?”

“He did. I received it as a housewarming present.” The subject of such amazement was CJ’s coffee table. It was not much in terms of construction: a sawed-off closet door, with handmade wooden trim, and legs. The top was covered with glass. What made it so incredible was the love that had gone in to making it. Under the glass, the top was a collage of pictures of Becky and CJ growing up. Pictures of Nathan were thrown in, but the centerpiece was Becky and David’s wedding photograph.

As Becky traced David’s face she said, “I’m not surprised really – where you were concerned, he always made time – always.” Becky settled in the nearby recliner.

CJ began, “When I didn’t hear from either of you, I thought you hated me for running – you never liked it. Toby always came and brought me back – but he didn’t come that time.

I thought Toby had told you about the baby – I really did. Therefore, I just threw myself into my job and went on with life, but I felt as if I was drowning.

The day Toby came to California? He was the lifeline pulling me out of quicksand. So soothing …I was home. He had forgiven me, and I would follow him to the end of the Earth, if only he’d ask.”

~§~*~§~*

“I thought that once we were back on the same coast, that things would be different – go back to normal.” Becky’s voice dropped, “They didn’t.”

“This is going to be one of those talks isn’t it? Come follow me. It’ll be like when we were little – had those heart-to-heart talks late at night.” As they settled on her bed, CJ smiled, “Continue.”

“I kept waiting. I was pregnant again, and wanted to share that with you. Wanted you there, the way you were for Nathan.” Becky began to cry.

CJ held her. When Becky stopped, CJ said, “I thought it was too late. I wanted to call – I really did.”

Becky sighed, “It serves me right. I was the one who told you to be more independent.”

“Yes, and I was the one who… thought that you were mad at me.”

“Why on Earth would I be mad at you?” Becky sniffled.

“Good Catholic girls don’t wind up pregnant out of wedlock, or if they do – they marry the father. Before you say anything, Nate doesn’t apply. He never will…as far as David was concerned, you did marry the father.”

“I was so scared for you and Toby once you were in the West Wing. When David was stuck on Columbia, I almost went out of my mind. I was oblivious to everything except NASA news. I was surprised, when Toby never called. Then, late that night, the phone rang. Toby said he was glad David was safe and wanted us to know that you were too. I honestly didn’t know.”

Becky’s voice cracked, Toby said that someone pushed you down. He tried to convince me to call, but I was too petrified. I didn’t know how you’d react – and couldn’t afford to lose you – figuratively or literally right after finding you again. It was safer to stay away – for my heart at least.

David and I curled on the couch, Nathan was in a sleeping bag on the floor, and CJ slept in my arms, as we watched the horror unfold on TV. You were amazing. That’s the only thing I can say.”

CJ sighed, “Toby told me you called; he also said that he asked you telephone... When you didn’t, your being frightened never occurred – all I felt, was cut off. I really believed you wanted nothing to do with me.” This time, CJ cried, as Becky held her.

Stories continued through that night with either Becky or CJ holding the other while she cried.

Becky finally laughed, “You know, we always used to say seeing each other through the hard stuff is what we did, however, the last 15 years seems to have disproved that.

When you showed up in New York, it was almost as if you never left. The only evidence I had to the contrary was Nathan was 18, and you’d never met CJ.”

CJ said, “When you called, I was so happy – had family again. Toby was Toby. I mean, it’s not as if while in the White House we could pursue a relationship or anything—he was my boss. Then, I became COS—and… that never stopped the occasional look, or the nervousness.” She smiled, “I never stopped loving him…still...the White House is no place to try rekindling a romance… and I had no idea if it was reciprocal.”

“Jeannie…I know that ‘seeing each other through the hard stuff’ is what we do when we can, but this time – it’s different.”

“Becca?”

Very quietly, she said, “I was afraid you would run again. Toby would be sentenced down here, and you would stay. I’d…”

“Rebecca Anne Ziegler, listen to me carefully. I’m not running. You will never shake me again. I love you. You’re my sister. For 15 years, I lost you – your whole family. I didn’t even surface for David’s funeral. I was a fool. I have learned my lesson. I am not running. We are not running – I don’t know what’s going to happen. Whatever it is, we will face together. I love you, and you’re stuck with me.” CJ held Becky tight, as they drifted to sleep in each other’s arms.

~§~*~§~*

Early the next morning, Toby and Joanie arrived. When there was no activity in the living room, he put his finger over his lips and tiptoed into the bedroom. There he found CJ and Becky still asleep and holding each other, each wearing a soft smile.

“There they are!” Joanie began to squirm.

“SShh, it looks like they had a long night, Sweetheart.”

“Joanie/Monkey?” Becky and CJ whispered from the bed.

“Yeah?” Joanie’s face brightened.

They rolled apart slightly, “Why don’t you come snuggle with us for a while… and…” Becky whispered.

“Give Uncle Toby a rest.” CJ laughed from the bed.

Toby placed Joanie at the bottom of the bed, and she crawled into the space provided {God, what he would give for a camera right now.} Before he tiptoed out, Toby went up to CJ’s ear and whispered, “I love you, Beautiful Girl.”

“Always and forever…now rest.”

A few hours later, Becky, Joanie and Nathan went sightseeing.

“I don’t know how I can thank you for last night…”

“I can think of a way,” he said, kissing her softly

“You can… really?” she breathed into his ear. “You look very hot, Toby,” she said quietly.

“When I have to spend the night, with a child who can’t vote, it always gets me wound up.” Toby smiled.

“Well then, we will just have to expend some of that energy.” She grinned as she grabbed his hands and pulled him toward the bedroom.

“On rumpled sheets? You know how I hate rumpled sheets...” Toby said, in mock pout.

“Yes, in fact, I do” she purred. CJ took Toby’s hands again, and continued to pull him backwards. “You can watch me change them…fresh satin sheets, your favorite…& no shared walls.”

“What about Becca and the kids?”

CJ smiled, “They won’t be home until tomorrow – Becca said they were taking the ‘$5 tour’. We have all day, Toby.” CJ said seductively. “I love you too—come, let me show you how much.”

“I knew it was forever, that day in California. I just didn’t know how I was going to contain myself.”

CJ smoothed her hand over his cheek and whispered, “There is no need for that here.” As she moved to his ear, CJ breathed, “All day, Toby… we have all day.”

~§~*~§~*

Everyone gathered at the courthouse. CJ, Becca, Sam, and even Jed and Abbey. The family was there for the ruling. Quietly, Andi slipped in the room.

“All rise for the Honorable Ralph Gilchrist in the case of US v. Tobias Zachary Ziegler. You may now be seated.”

“Will the defendant please rise? Mr. Ziegler, you have pled guilty to leaking state secrets to the media.”

“Yes, Your Honor.”

“Whereas, this Court acknowledges Mr. Ziegler’s confession to the aforementioned charge, someone else has stepped forward, and provided us with art, it was substantiated by the other person in the picture.

At the time of this photo, Sir – you had not even picked up the phone. You may have leaked the information, but it was already out there. This person was waiting for you to take to take the bait—I will not let that happen.

It is decreed this on his third day of January 2006 – that Mr. Tobias Zachary Ziegler, is declared innocent due to extenuating circumstances. Mr. Ziegler, you’re free to go.”

Just as quietly, Andi slipped out.

~§~*~§~*


	27. Starting Over

Part 27

Toby and CJ gaped in disbelief. After taking her hand, he kissed it and whispered, “It’s over. I want you to do something for me. Please Claude – just say yes.”

“Yes,” she said, kissing him tenderly.

“Your Honor? May my colleague and I approach before you dismiss everyone?”

Judge Gilchrist looked confused. “Granted.”

“Dick?” Toby smiled at Sam, “We are needed in the Bat Cave.”

After they approached the bench, Toby said, “Your Honor? That’s my fiancée; she’s been with me through everything Sir. Everything. This is our family. What would make this day complete is if she could become my wife – I have the license in my pocket, Your Honor – please?”

“This is highly unusual – but considering the circumstances – if she says ‘yes’, I’ll do it.”

“Claudia Jean doesn’t know, what she said yes to” Toby smiled, “but she did say yes. Thank you, Your Honor.

~§~*~§~*

Sam – are you up for Best Man?”

“I am” Sam grinned.

“Keep this for me.” Toby slipped him, a blue velvet box.

Judge Gilchrist said, “This court is in recess for one hour.”

“Sam, here’s my cell. Find Josh and Donna, then call the White House and get Margaret and Ginger. Finally, call CJ’s condo. Carol is with the kids. Have them here in 45 minutes. Thanks, Sam.”

“No problem.” He grinned.

“Toby? What’s going on?” CJ asked.

“I thought you trusted me.” Toby said, with a smile she couldn’t resist.

“I do. It’s just…”

Toby knelt beside her. “Listen to me, Angel. It’s over. Really over – the thing that would make the happiest tonight, is to have you become my wife… I know I promised not to rush you. However, things have changed since then…” as he tipped her face up, he whispered, “Haven’t they?”

CJ smiled through tears, “They have…oh, God yes, they have.”

“Look around you, this is our family. Please, Claude? For me – us?”

“Yes, Toby, I just can’t believe this is really happening. I’m scared.”

“Jeano? Look at me it’s over – everything is all right. I’m not going anywhere. Absolutely nowhere without you – do you understand?”

CJ nodded mutely, as he pulled her into a tender kiss. CJ then whispered, “I love you. I just want…”

“SShh, I’ll get her… Becca? Jeano needs see you.”

“Jeannie? Are you okay?”

“We’re getting married – today – now…what am I doing?”

“Look at me – you’re marrying the man you love, who you’ve always loved, and who has always loved you. This is not a mistake. You are being given a second chance. Take it, take it and run – but only figuratively.” Becky smiled broadly.

“Will you be with me?”

“This is what we do for each other.” Becky grinned.

CJ saw the President and First Lady sitting in the back and said, “Excuse us please. We have to talk to Jed and Abbey.”

CJ and Toby approached the President. “Congratulations, Toby. What’s going on?”

Toby looked at the floor. “Well, I thought – since we have a judge and our family…” he looked up and said, “we would get married. Sir.” Toby grinned.

It was CJ’s turn to study the ground. “Pardon my lack of protocol – but, Abbey?” Her voice dropped a register, “Would you sit in front… I mean, I don’t have, and would like it very much if… I’m not doing this right.”

Abbey smiled softly. After taking CJ’s face, in her hands, so she could look into her eyes, she said, “You’re saying it fine.” 

CJ continued, “Would you do me the honor sitting in front?”

Abbey’s eyes glistened.

Toby saw the obvious answer. He motioned Sam, who held out his arm, and said, “Abbey, may I?”

CJ looked at Jed. “Sir… Jed? I’m… afraid I won’t make it down the aisle, without some support, and since…”

“I’d be honored, Claudia. First, why don’t we go out here and sit down before you fall down. Jed laughed.

Becky approached and he said, “Honey, will you get us some more water?” When Becky returned, he continued: “Now, I need to talk with Ron. Will you please sit with CJ a minute?”

“Yes, Sir – Jed” sitting beside CJ, and making small circles on her back, Becky said, “Everything is just fine. You love him and the feeling is mutual. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, think of this. We always should have been sisters and now, we will. I repeat, everything is fine. It’s over, but it’s just beginning. I’m so happy for you.

~§~*~§~*

“Ron? Call Debbie for me and ask her to confirm everything for tonight.” Jed smiled broadly.

About 45 minutes later, Sam gave the high sign. Toby double-checked on CJ, and then waved everyone in the room. Very quietly, Josh and Donna, Margaret, Ginger, Carol and the children lined the walls. Toby locked gazes with Nathan, who looked – left out. As he approached Nathan, Toby asked. “Nathan, you were there at the beginning. We can’t get married without you. Will you stand with Sam and me?”

Nathan brightened, “What do you need?” 

“Right now, I need you to give CJ the 5-minute warning” Toby smiled.

“Uncle Toby? We have almost...”

Toby laughed, “I know. However, if she’s as nervous as she was 15 minutes ago – she will need another 15 to collect herself.”

As he peeked around the corner, Nathan saw CJ, shaking. Becky had gone to get yet another glass of water, and Jed was still talking to Ron. “Aunt CJ? What’s wrong?”

“Hey there – how did you get here?”

Nathan sat down beside her, “Carol brought us. Why are you crying?”

“I’m happy Sweetheart; nervous, but happy. Did you have a good time the other night?”

Nathan nodded. “May I say something?”

CJ met his glance and bobbed her head.

“You make Uncle Toby happy. We asked him what was going to happen today, and he said he didn’t know. However, whatever it was, it would be okay – because he has you. I had forgotten he could smile, until he brought you to New York. Thank you.” He kissed CJ lightly on her cheek.

“Now, Uncle Toby sent me. He said, ‘five-minute warning’. Trust me on this, he loves you very much, go make each other happy.”

“You sound like your father.” CJ said through tears.

“Thank you – are you ready?”

“As I will ever be. Thank you, Nate – you better get in place.”

Nathan smiled at his mother as he passed, he mouthed, “Time.” As he went to tap Jed on the shoulder, he said, “Uncle Jed? She’s all yours... don’t let anything happen to her – don’t let her run.”

“Not a chance,” Jed smiled. “I’ve got a strong grip, son, and all you need to do is look at your uncle to know, he’s never letting her go again. Now, get in there – so the show can get on the road.”

~§~*~§~*

When it was CJ’s turn to walk down the aisle, she froze for a split second, until they once again locked gazes. Now it was he, who had her ‘on the line’. This time, there would be no running. They loved each other – more than either put into words. That’s all that mattered.

Toby began his vows. However, when he looked in her eyes, Tobias Zachary Ziegler lost the power of speech.

CJ put her forehead against his. “Zack? Are you all right?”

Toby looked up, and almost drowned in her eyes. “You’re here. I do. Does anything else really matter?”

“Not to me, and I do too – always and forever.” CJ smiled.

They looked at Judge Gilchrist, “Is that it?”

“Do you have a ring?”

Toby turned to Sam, who produced the box.

“Place it on her finger,” the judge smiled. “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” He laughed, “Something tells me, that you would have figured that out for yourself.”

~§~*~§~*


	28. Starting Over

Part 28

Toby held CJ’s face and after their kiss whispered, “Ziegler, you’re mine.”

“Thank God!” CJ leaned in and whispered, “I’ll do as you wish…always and forever.”

The room erupted in applause, and Becky and CJ embraced. “It’s about time.”

“Sisters at last – I love you.”

Joanie came barreling down the aisle, “Aunt CJ? Are you legal now? I heard Uncle Toby was making you legal.”

CJ bent down, picked Joanie up and while laughing said, “Yes, Sweetheart. I’m legal.”

As Joanie returned to the ground, Nathan approached. “Aunt CJ? May I talk with you again?”

CJ looked quickly at Becky and then returned to Nathan. “What’s up?” Nathan headed for the wall, and CJ followed.

“You came back... I never forgot you. You make Uncle Toby and Mom smile… I never thought that would be possible again,” he kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you, that never stopped.”

“I may not have kept in touch, but your uncle kept me supplied with pictures and stories. I love you too.” CJ kissed him on the cheek. “Now, I need to talk to Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey before they return to the office – but one more thing…”

“Yeah?”

“Who do I torture slowly for telling Joanie, I was being ‘made legal’?”

“Well, indirectly, it would be Sam.” Nathan smiled, “In his defense, he didn’t mean to – Joanie has a bad habit of listening in on extensions. I picked up the phone and all Sam said was, ‘Toby and CJ are making it legal be here ASAP.’ Don’t hurt him – he makes Mom smile too.”

CJ laughed, “Okay, I’ll behave. You’re right; it’s nice to see your mom smile.” CJ looked up, and saw Toby waving her over. “The President calls. You listen though, if ever you need to talk – and you don’t want to upset your mother or Toby – come to me. Understand?”

“You mean like when I was little?”

CJ smiled at the memory and nodded.

“You know, my problems have become more complex since then.” Nathan grinned.

CJ laughed, “I’ll call in the reserves if I need to – but thanks for the warning – now, scram.” She said, kissing him on the cheek.

Toby met her halfway. “Is everything all right?”

“Perfect, what did I miss?”

“Jed and Abbey want to talk to us.”

“Sir, ma’am. I’m sorry, I –”

“Family first Claudia.” Jed smiled. “We really need to clear the room – will you meet us back in the Residence in a half an hour?”

“Yes, Sir.”

~§~*~§~*

“Dr. Bartlet? Toby and CJ Ziegler here to see you.”

Abbey smiled, “Show them in, please.”

“CJ, Toby, welcome. Jed was called to the Oval; he will be with us shortly.” Abbey said. “This was quite a day – to put it mildly.” Abbey kissed Toby on his cheek, “I told you trust Jed.”

“Yes ma’am. You did.” Toby laughed.

“Those flames were high today weren’t they CJ?” Abbey smiled.

“I honestly didn’t notice.” CJ laughed.

“Somehow, I didn’t think so. I just –”

~§~*~§~*

“Sorry I’m late – Cliff goes into a huff when he has to run the country for too long – Republicans!”

Mrs. Ziegler has a nice ring to it.” Jed smiled. “Good day today, in more ways than one!”

“Did you know, Sir?”

“Yes and no. I knew that if Judge Gilchrist, was putting up this much of a fight, it couldn’t be anything but good. He is from New York and understands wanting to get home.

Now, the reason why I called you here is that last year, after Leo’s first heart attack – I started to realize how short life was; and that I couldn’t wait until I left office to get everything settled. Therefore, I talked to the girls and they agreed.

There are four smaller houses on the farm. One for each of our girls; Ellie and Liz already have theirs, and when Zoey and Charlie return from Kenya, they will have their house. Abbey and I would like very much if…” his voice dropped a register, “You and Toby would accept one of the houses as our wedding present.”

CJ looked stunned. “I… I don’t know what to say. It’s a very generous offer, but”

Toby said, “Claude? Look at me… what’s wrong?”

“I... when Mama died, I promised that – now” CJ cried.

“We’ll step out for a minute.” Abbey said softly.

“Now, what?” Toby asked, looking into her eyes. “I need you to look at me.”

“If I accept this, it’s as if I’m saying my parents never existed.”

“It’s not like that at all and you know it. You told me once, that after your mother died, Becca’s parents stepped in.”

“Yes, I lived with them for 9 years.”

“The same amount of time, that we’ve been with the Bartlets. They love you – us, and only want us to be happy…If Becca’s parents were doing this, would you say no?”

CJ wiped her eyes, and said, “Of course not, if they treated me as if I was their…”

“Daughter?”

“I can’t do it Toby – just can’t. You’re asking me to watch Jed go downhill the same way my father did.”

“You are not doing this alone – that’s the difference.” Toby turned to face her, “you have Becca, Sam, Josh and Donna, even Nathan and CJ. Most importantly, you have me – I will never let you flounder. Angel, you’re stronger then you give yourself credit for being. I love you, and have seen that strength. Do you trust me?”

“Always and forever.”

“Abbey, despite her medical degree, and the girls will need someone. Someone who’s been there.”

CJ nodded. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. “Is everything okay?” Abbey asked.

“Oh, my... I forgot... I’m sorry, please come in.”

“There is no seniority tonight.” Jed laughed, “So...”

“It’s an incredibly generous offer... we would be honored. Thank you very much.” Toby said. All CJ could do, was cover her heart with her hands, as tears slid down her cheeks.

Abbey smiled, “All right then, it’s settled. After dinner, there will be a plane waiting to take you to the farm. We thought since the wedding was last minute, you wouldn’t have a honeymoon planned. So, your house has been stocked with food. There are fresh sheets on the bed and a few other surprises.”

Toby stood to shake the President’s hand. “Thank you Sir. Thank you very much.”

“Ma’am – I don’t want to say. Somehow, thank you isn’t enough.”

“Thank you is more than enough. FYI – there are plenty of places for snakes to hide – especially in the kitchen.”

~§~*~§~*


	29. Starting Over

Part 29

“Why don’t we have coffee in the other room?” Abbey suggested after dinner. 

As they started for the living room, Toby grabbed CJ from behind, spun her around, and in a husky whisper said, “Ziegler, you are mine.” 

“Oh, Toby... we... can’t... keep... them waiting!”

“I saw snakes under the furniture – this place needs to be fumigated…” as he breathed in her ear, he continued, “… I’m very thorough…” he said with a wicked smile.

Just then, Abbey returned. “I beg your pardon, Toby, this place was fumigated – just this afternoon!” Abbey laughed. “Come on you two.”

As they entered, everyone yelled, “Congratulations!” The room was filled with their friends: Becky and Sam, Nathan and CJ, Josh and Donna, Margaret, Carol and even Ginger.

“Everyone wanted to see you” Abbey smiled.

“Aunt CJ!” Joanie vaulted into her arms. “Are you really my aunt now?”

“I always was.” She said, kissing her cheek, “It’s just now, as you said, ‘I’m legal.’ Have you met everyone?”

CJ shook her head.

“Well, let’s change that right now.” As CJ walked past Becky, she caressed Becky’s cheek with her free hand, and whispered, “I love you.”

Becky reached out, held CJ’s hand still. “I know – same goes.” Becky then pointed to her daughter and said, “You’re a natural.”

“Thank you – she makes it easy. Come with us. I want you to meet everyone.

Now, let’s see, we need to introduce you around! Well, look at that. Everyone in one group!”

As they approached the small gaggle she said, “How’s it going mi amour?”

As Josh kissed CJ on the cheek, he said, “You don’t want to ‘Tempt the Wrath’ for calling me that do you?”

CJ smiled, “Josh? You met Becky, do you remember my niece CJ?”

“We were never formally introduced. Hi there, Sweetheart – I’m Josh.” He looked at CJ and said, “CJ, CJ?”

She said laughing, “I will explain once.”

“Donna, how goes the war? You doing better?”

“One day at a time.” She smiled, “Congratulations – it’s about time you two figured it out!”

“Thank you – get back to me, after you’ve done the same” CJ smiled.

“Ginger! I worried – when you didn’t show up for Leo’s funeral...”

“I just couldn’t do it. Publicly, I just couldn’t. He was a wonderful man. However, today is focused on you. Toby finally did it – and you said yes. I’m so happy. You know, he hasn’t taken his eyes off you.”

CJ grinned, while blushing about three different shades of red.

“Margaret. How are you doing?”

“About as well as can be expected, but I’m so happy for you. Congratulations. Both of you deserve the best.”

As CJ kissed her on the cheek, she said, “Carol. Thank you for everything today.”

“No problem, boss” Carol grinned. “Hey, Joanie!”

“Everyone, I would like to meet Becky and CJ Ziegler – my sister and niece – legally.”

“Legally?” Everyone asked.

“Well, Becca and I met when we were six...”

~§~*~§~*

Just then, Toby slipped his arms around his wife, and after kissing, her neck said: “Good Evening everyone.”

“Mazel Tov, Toby!” They said in unison.

Just then, Toby noticed Ginger. He left CJ for a moment, and said, “Hey – you all right? I was worried when you didn’t come to the farm.”

“I am – promise. It was a shock, that’s all. I just needed to be by myself.

Mazel Tov – I know you two will be very happy.” Ginger smiled.

Toby looked around, and noticed that his wife had strayed. She was across the room, talking to Abbey. He walked across, and again, slid his arms around her. Toby whispered, “Baby, we need to fumigate the airplane. Jed assures me; it hasn’t been done in quite some time.”

“We haven’t had cake yet…” CJ protested weakly.

“That’s been taken care of – don’t worry.” Abbey smiled, “Now, get going – before he starts in on wedding trivia.”

Before they could escape, “Aunt CJ?” Joanie tugged on her skirt. “Are you going to leave without saying goodbye?”

“Of course not, Sweetheart.” She said as she picked Joanie up. “Are you having a good time?”

Joanie nodded.

Toby looked at Becky with a grin, and said, “Both of us have been replaced.”

Becky laughed, “It looks that way. Come on, Joanie, Aunt CJ and Uncle Toby need to leave.”

“Where you going?”

“We are going hunting for snakes.” Toby beamed.

“Snakes! I love snakes – my class has a snake, and when it’s my turn to bring it home – I – can I come with you? Please?”

“Sorry kiddo, this is a Monkey-free trip” CJ laughed.

Joanie began to squirm in CJ’s arms. “Uncle Toby?” She asked as she reached out her arms.

Toby beamed.

“I love you – thank you for making Aunt CJ legal.”

“You are most certainly welcome. I love you too.” He said, kissing her head.

As she gave Becky a hug, CJ whispered in amazement, “We really are sisters.”

“Just as it always should have been – I love you,” Becky said.

“I know. Did I see Sam over there?” CJ asked with a grin. “Make him take care of you while I’m gone.”

“Jeannie!”

“Our clothes!”

“Carol and Ginger packed for both of you this afternoon. The Sisterhood sticks together.” Abbey smiled. “Now, get going before he starts in on his…”

“Did you know that only 1% of inner office romances ever succeed?” Jed grinned.

“No, Sir. We didn’t.” CJ and Toby smiled.

“You beat the odds, my friends. Congratulations.”

“Now, Jed, leave them alone. The need go find some snakes.” Abbey grinned. “Eddie will drive you to Reagan National, where there will be an airplane waiting. We will talk when you return.” After kissing both of them on the cheek, she said, “Congratulations – we love you very much.”

With tears still running down her cheeks, CJ kissed the President and whispered, “Thank you – for everything. I don’t know where to start, so I won’t try. However, right now, I just needed to say I love you.”

~§~*~§~*

They were awestruck as they entered the plane. It was a miniature version of Air Force One. They remained seated, until the pilot said it was safe to move around. Then, they gave into temptation, and opened the door marked, strangely enough, ‘open me.’ There was a staircase, leading to an upper-level. There, CJ and Toby found a king-size bed made with satin sheets.

~§~*~§~*


	30. Starting Over

Part 30

On one side of the bed, there was a package marked Toby. On the other, a package labeled CJ, she said, “Presents!”

Toby leaned behind CJ and with a husky whisper said, “Claudia Jean Ziegler, do you really want to concentrate on presents now?”

“No… I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you call me that.” She sighed softly.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to be able to say that.” He murmured.

CJ turned in his arms, as she leaned in to whisper, “Toby? Tell me, this is real. Today happened – it wasn’t a dream. I mean, the trial, is it really over? We are married. It’s just, I went through the motions, but I kept expecting to wake up – I love you so much.”

“It was real and did happen. You, my dear are stuck with me.”

“I can’t think of a better place to be stuck.”

“Neither can I.” As Toby brushed her hair off CJ’s neck, he kissed her and whispered, “I love you too.” As Toby began to unbutton her shirt, he continued, “You’re just too sexy.” Her bra was next. “I see wedding cake over there – are you hungry?” He smiled.

“For more than just food, but I suppose that will have to do for now.”

“We can do both” Toby sighed in her ear. “Help me here... I want you so much.”

CJ didn’t need telling twice. Her hands immediately began to unbutton his shirt, as he went to work on her skirt – which quickly slipped to the ground. CJ grabbed his suspenders, walked backwards; pulling him onto the bed and saying simply, “Feed me.”

After detaching his suspenders, and stripping himself of T-shirt and pants, Toby settled beside her. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes… that’s right. You wanted to be fed.”

Under the plate was a card that said simply, ‘there’s more at house. We love you, J and A’. As he held a piece for her to sample, they hit some turbulence. Toby laughed, “This could be fun,” he said as he licked the icing off her chin.

“Toby...make me dirty…” she moaned.

“There’s nothing I’d like better – but there’s no hot tub, and it’s a short flight.” As he broke off a piece of wedding cake, Toby whispered, “Open your mouth.”

To see her lying there, completely open for whatever he had in mind, made Toby smile. As he placed the cake, inside her mouth, her lips closed around his fingers, and she began to suck gently. “You are cruel. How am I supposed to eat the cake?” He laughed.

As CJ reached blindly for her piece of cake, she took a fist full and smeared it lightly on her breast. When she moaned, Toby smiled, and said, “I thought we were going to be good.”

After releasing his fingers, she whispered, “I’m better when I’m bad – and I’m so hungry.”

“For food? Or may I show you something else?” Toby grinned wickedly.

“What did you have in mind?” CJ smiled.

“Well,” he whispered into her ear, “what I had in mind – has to wait until Claudia comes out to play” he chuckled. “Will I do?”

CJ gasped, “I don’t know what is more exciting, what has to wait, or hearing you call me Claudia again.” CJ flipped them over, and whispered into his ear, “Tobias Zachary Ziegler, you will most certainly do... I’ve been a very good girl... do I get a reward?”

A half-hour later, they lay in each other’s arms, “We have to move soon.”

“I can’t.”

~§~*~§~*

“Mr. and Mrs. Ziegler? We are preparing to land. Your car will be waiting, as soon as you’re ready.” The steward called.

CJ sighed, “This really isn’t a dream. I guess it just took someone else to call me Mrs. Ziegler, for it to register.” CJ smiled, “Someone outside the Wing, you know?”

“I do” Toby said while caressing her hair. “Do you want to open presents here? Or, would you prefer to wait until we are settled in the house?”

“Well, since mine is from Abbey, it is probably best left until later.” CJ laughed, “What did you get from Jed?”

In a singsong voice he said, “mine is bigger than yours is.” Attached to the present, was a letter that said simply, ‘read me first.’ “What did he do?” It read:

Toby,

Once upon a time, you spoke the truth, and I lashed out. The peace offering was this Chess set as I recall. This was recovered from your office. When agents brought it, I put it in my closet, and prayed to be able to use it again.

I never dreamt it would take Leo dying for me to see clearly, what I was about to lose.

I told you, if you make Claudia happy, we are family. It is clear to see, that is the case.

Thank you,

Jed

PS: Abbey and I play Strip Chess – quite fun. I recommend it.

“Oh... My... God!”

“What is it?”

“It’s not a wedding present exactly.”

“May I see the letter?” After a few minutes, CJ said, “Oh my. Is it the same set?”

After checking the box, Toby nodded. As tears began to fall, CJ pulled him into an embrace. “I’m crazy about the roundness of your head.” CJ turned his face in her hands, and continued, “You don’t get it do you?”

“What?”

CJ lay there, kissing his head as she talked, “Since everyone left, he’s been so worried about you. Then, when David died and you wouldn’t take leave… all the weird behavior started. Jed didn’t know how to help, and hoped I could get through.

When you ‘leaked’ the information, I believe what he said. Jed had to explode that way. Okay, maybe he went overboard – but if he’d said what he wanted, Impeachment hearings would have been right around the corner. There wouldn’t be another HCR, of that I am certain.

You’re forgetting, I saw him when no one else did. It tore him apart – almost as much as it did me. After he watched your testimony on closed circuit TV, Jed shook his head, looked at me, and said: ‘that is the old Toby.’

He does love you, but being the macho guys, you are, it goes unsaid. Trust me on this. Remember, in Manchester, when we told him we were engaged?”

As Toby curled tighter in to CJ’s embrace, he nodded mutely.

“For that brief time before I told him that I was resigning – his face lit up. It wasn’t just my getting married – it was you and I marrying each other. Finally ‘admitting our true feelings’, and ‘two of my children making each other happy’, were the exact phrases used.” CJ smiled.

Toby asked in amazement, “He said that?”

“Yes, he did” CJ said softly. “Now, I don’t know about you – I’m anxious to see the house, and a round of Strip Chess doesn’t sound half bad.” CJ grinned wickedly.

“You’re forgetting, we still have Abbey’s gift to open and play with as well.” Toby grinned.

“Let’s open it when we get to the house. We can’t keep the driver waiting much longer.” CJ laughed, “Do you think robes will do or do we have to get dressed?”

“Well, let’s face it, they have probably seen worse. Besides, it’s our honeymoon, I think robes will be fine.” Toby said, kissing her neck.

~§~*~§~*

“Mr. and Mrs. Ziegler, Congratulations, and Mazel Tov. My name is Louis and I will be your driver while you’re here. If you need anything, just let me know.” Toby leaned over and whispered something in Louis’s ear. As he turned bright red, he said, “Yes, Mr. Ziegler. Right away.”

As Toby climbed in the backseat, and drew CJ into his arms, he kissed her tenderly.

“Tobias? What did you say to that poor man?” CJ laughed.

Toby smiled, “That we had a hot game of Strip Chess – and we needed to get to the house ASAP. So I could make my final move.”

~§~*~§~*


	31. Starting Over

Part 31

“What pray tell makes you think that the last move is yours?” CJ smiled, “While Strip Chess sounds extremely enticing, I checked out Abbey’s present while you were torturing Louis... and”

“Mr. and Mrs. Ziegler? You are here. I was asked to tell you, that the bedroom is straight back through the double doors.” Louis said, smiling.

“Jeano?”

CJ smiled, taking his hand, and leading Toby toward the door. “Better things come in small packages.” She reached for Toby’s other hand, “Follow me.” As CJ drew his arms around her waist – they headed for the bedroom.

He felt her, as they headed down the hall. She still drove him crazy {God that sway} he loved it. Toby never thought, he would be this fortunate again. He had hoped, and even prayed – but never truly believed.

As CJ turned in his arms she said, “Now, are you as hot as I am?”

“Hot…yes. Very hot.”

They began slowly removing the other’s robe – each taking his or her time to explore – while drowning in a tender kiss. When they were finished, CJ leaned over and in a breathy whisper said, “I’ll be right back.”

As he watched Claude enter the bathroom, Toby clicked a small lamp that bathed the room in soft light. When he turned around, the bed was made with red satin sheets, and plump down pillows. On the table, were bowls filled with chocolate sauce and strawberries. There was also a champagne bucket, with two bottles on ice and flutes waiting to be filled. Then he heard a sultry voice, “Tobias Zachary Ziegler.”

~§~*~§~*

He turned, and there she stood, in a red silk breakaway robe with panties to match. “Whenever you say my full name, I’m always in trouble – this time, it’s trouble the very best kind. I –”

“Tobias?” She repeated, as CJ entered the room and closed the door behind her.

“Yes, Claudia?”

“We can be unrestrained now – just what is it you want to do?” CJ asked with a grin.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Just let me hold you for a few minutes.”

CJ stepped in to his embrace, and whispered, “You say that now – however, you have yet to discover the rest of my present.”

Toby’s eyes went wide, “There’s more?” He gulped.

“You and I... worked for... the President of the United States... for seven years,” she smiled. “Research, Tobias, research... the answer is here... just waiting for you.”

Slowly and methodically, he undid the robe, which puddled at her feet. Toby ran his hand up her sides, as CJ began to moan. He then dropped to his knees, and began moving his hands up and down her inner thigh.

“Oh... Tobs... so... close!”

It was then, that Toby moved his hand to her center. {Bingo} “My God, Claude, you...” Abbey had been kind enough to make sure that the panties were crotchless.

As long as he had loved her – it never ceased to amaze him that after just a few caresses, all 6 feet of his Jeano would crumple into his arms.

“See... I... told you... that you... would find... the answer – I’m so proud.”

~§~*~§~*

“My dear Claudia, if we stay down here – we’re going to be very sore.”

“I don’t wanna move...” CJ mumbled.

Toby leaned in to whisper, “Oh, but Angel, I have my favorite toy.” After leaning back to blow cool air on her center, he continued: “I wanna play.”

“Oh, God... Zack! The bed – we need to be in bed.”

“I told you.” Toby smiled, as he scooped her up in his arms, and placed CJ on the bed. “Ziegler, you’re mine.”

“I always have been. You just didn’t remember” CJ said with a smile. She continued quietly, “Toby? I have a favor.”

“Ask.”

“I... well, that is…. What I need to say is...”

Toby chuckled, and while caressing her hair whispered, “Claudia Jean – breathe. Now, very slowly – tell me what you need.”

“You. Right now, I just need you to hold me.”

“I have an idea,” Toby said in a husky whisper. As he ran his hand under CJ’s waistband, Toby said, “Your permission to make this disappear now?”

CJ nodded.

“Are you hungry?” He smiled.

“I’m starved. What did you have in mind?” She grinned.

Toby beamed, pulled her into a sitting position, and while kissing her deeply, reached for two strawberries. After generously dipping them in chocolate, he whispered, “Open your mouth.”

{Such power.} One Strawberry was placed in her mouth. The other one, covered in chocolate, was dribbled over her breasts. As Toby began to suckle, CJ moaned softly. They were carried away in their own emotions, as he slowly explored her body.

It wasn’t until he reached her inner thigh, that she reacted. “Zack, stop!”

“Jeano – what’s wrong?” It was then he noticed CJ shaking.

“It... It doesn’t... really... make... sense...” she said through sobs.

Toby whispered, “Claude? Look at me. What’s wrong, Angel?”

“Nothing and everything at the same time... hold me, please?” As he obeyed, she continued: “I love it when you do that to me. Thing is, I haven’t reciprocated in so long, and it’s not fair. Tonight of all nights, I should be able to – I’m scared stiff.”

“I will never force you to do something, you don’t want to do...”

“I’m not sure this is going to make sense, but I’m afraid to let you down.” Just listen for a minute. After I returned to California, you invaded my dreams. It all seemed so cheap, but if I closed my eyes, I could see your face, and hear your voice. That was 15 years ago.

This has all moved so quickly, we have moved so quickly. That seems to be the norm for us and I don’t regret one minute. I never thought we would be here – never. I left, you married Andi – life went on. Now I’m not sure I can...”

“Okay, my turn.” Toby rolled onto his back, and CJ curled up beside him. “I love you. I don’t know what else to say. It’s not the sex – it never has been. You make me whole – the man I want to be, I am in your eyes.

Your smile lights up my world. I loved my office. When you were Press Secretary, if it was a particularly rotten day, just the sight of you working on a briefing was enough to make me smile.

Look at me. I love you so much.” As Toby took her face in his hands, he continued, “Nothing you do or not do is ever going to change that.”

“How on Earth, did I ever deserve you?”

“You being deserving has nothing to do with it. You’ve always had me. I say this, and you don’t believe me. I need you to believe me, Claudia Jean. I have loved you – only you – for 25 years.

When you said you were pregnant, as much as I wanted children with you, I still panicked. I had not come from the best household. The thought of bringing a child into that, and even the possibility of turning into my father scared me to death. So I yelled.

I left, and went to see David – who made me see straight. He said, it would be different with you – I was a better man, because you were in my life and if I searched my heart, I knew it. I came back to tell you. Blood was everywhere – my heart stopped, and part of me died. Part of us died – or I thought it did.

I tried with Andi – it wasn’t fair to either of us. She wasn’t you. I have always wanted you, needed you – only you.

When I called about Leo, the tone in your voice – it was so angry – betrayed. Then, when we told you – it felt so right to finally hold you again – no matter what the reason.

Now, I need you to listen carefully,” Toby lifted her face and while holding her gaze said: “the most amazing sound in the world, is to hear you come ‘because’ of’ me. To know what I do to you. That is only surpassed, by the look on your face – when I come ‘with’ you.” He took her hand, and placed it over his groin and said quietly, “This is what you do to me. Just the thought of you does this.” As he looked up, Toby saw the tears running down CJ’s face. “Abbey and Becca will string me up for making you cry.” Toby whispered, as he dried her face.

CJ composed herself and chuckled, “Yes, they would.” After a few minutes, she continued, “I need you to do something for me, please?”

“Sweetheart, I will do anything you want – just name it.” He said, kissing her on the forehead.

“What I need, Toby is,” quietly she continued, “for you to finish what you started.”

Immediately, he looked like a kid in a candy store. “Really? Jeano, Angel, are you sure?”

“I’m positive – but my dear Pokey – you are looking a little bit uncomfortable” she smiled. As she pulled his boxers down, he sprang to life. “Oh, my…but first, I need this.” As she held Toby’s eye, CJ kissed his erection.

As Toby took a deep breath, he asked, “Claude? You sure – you don’t have to do this...”

As CJ placed a finger over his lips, she smiled. After crawling up beside him, she whispered, “I know. I need to – please? I need to see what you see – feel what you feel again… Baby, I’m home.”

As he moved his hands through her hair, Toby whispered, “Welcome Home – I’ve missed you.”

~§~*~§~*

“Good Morning” CJ said, as she stretched.

“Yes, it is.” Toby laughed, “If last night was anything to go by, I will never rest again. God, how I love you.” He said, as he ran his hand through her hair.

“We have all week with just you and me. What will we do?”

“First things first…we re-institute the ‘no underwear policy’. Then I know just what I want to do. The remaining questions are where and how?” Toby laughed.

February 14

Life had been much different since returning from Manchester. CJ seemed to be fighting a slight bug, but between balancing a new husband, life, and house, she didn’t to notice until she went for her annual Well Woman exam. When she was asked for the last date of her menstrual cycle she thought {oh my God – it’s just too good to be true.} 

~§~*~§~*

“Becca? It’s me.”

“Hey me. What’s up?”

“I’m nervous – scared and nervous. Where are you?”

“Just dropped CJ off at ballet – what’s wrong?”

“I’m at Dr. Drexel’s Office – I’m late. Please hurry!”

“Don’t you want Toby?”

“If it’s negative, I don’t want to disappoint him – if it’s positive what better Valentine’s Day present? ”

“I will be right there.”

Becky entered the office, and the nurse said, “Mrs. Ziegler? They’re finished with the examination you can go back.”

“Hey kiddo – are you still waiting?”

CJ smiled nervously. As the doctor entered, CJ and Becky held hands and silently prayed.

~§~*~§~*

“Toby? Would you come here minute I need to talk to you.” As CJ patted the seat beside her, she continued, “Remember how you said you would give anything to live that day over again?”

“I do,” he said with a sigh.

“Tobs? I – that is I went to the doctor…”

Toby stood up, bringing CJ with him. As Toby took CJ’s face in his hands he said, “Claude? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. We are fine. Happy Valentine’s Day Tobs – We’re pregnant…again.”

After a deep, drugging kiss he said: “I love you both so much. At last, we can truly start over.”

End


End file.
